My what ifs and our could-have-beens play right before very eyes like my favorite movie, so vivid that all the lines we said, all the kisses we shared, and all the moments we lived stab me so hard, breaking me into pieces. The songs we listened to together, makes our memories so painful and so difficult to forget. All the poems we read became needles that everytime I stumble over them, they pierce my heart . I don't hate you, but I admit, your name became my identity of pain.
It killed me even more watching you walk away from my cold grave without having the courage to say goodbye. To fill you with silence and never ending questions of what went wrong when I vowed to stay this time.But what comforts me is the thought that you were saved from hearing words that will break you even further. Words I will never ever mean to say as I have promised you. Words that will not be enough to answer all your questions and redeem your worth. Forgive me, but you will understand soon, my love. One day, you will experience warmer tales than my cold winter nightmares. You will ask no questions because you will share her story in every step she takes. One day, you will love like I have never hurt you and you will finally believe it when she tells you that you are special because you are seen by a pair of orbs who knows no storms as long you smile at her.And I will be here sitting on the tomb you always tried to save me from. Clothed in your elegies that carry the only remnants of you that I can still hold on to. Watching you breathe life into our plans. I will just be another name you will soon regret carving deep inside your heart. But my love, as long as you are happy, I know I have cheated from darkness—even if I have lost you to it.