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During sex a few mos ago told bf I was about to squirt just to warn him b/c he's never seen me do it. I didn't then and now hes trying to make me do it. He said he's worried I'm not pleased & comparing himself to others. How can I fix this & assure him I'm satisfied with him?

You gotta stroke his ego some. He knows there's someone else that made you squirt and he's not doing it. He needs some reassurance that he's putting it down.
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Liked by: Cathy _ Laura Asseauguste

I just found out my bf is cheating on me with three woman anyway my bf has a deep secret that only I know and his fam..am I wrong for leaving even tho I know his biz...I don't want to stick around..

Knowing a secret isn't an obligation to stick around. And him cheating isn't a reason to blast his biz.
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Liked by: Cathy Markysha Cannon, MA _ Reta J.S.

Downloaded the tinder app just to see what the heck it's all about. Played around with it for like an hour and then forgot about it. Bf was fixing my phone, found the app and now he's pissed. I honestly wasn't trying to do anything shady, I just wanted to see what the app is about. What do I do?

Tell him that.
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Liked by: _ Beautifully Complex Cathy

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RE Guy Friend: I had a feeling it'd come to that :( . He really is a great friend and is always there when I need him (which is why I'm falling for him). I don't want to just stop hanging out with him out the blue (I feel like he deserves more than that), any idea on how I should go about it?

You can tell him that you need to take some time to get your feelings in check because you've realized this isn't going where you need it to.
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Liked by: Unchinked Armor Laura Asseauguste J.S. _

Hi D! Ok so I met this guy about a yr ago and we became really great friends. Problem is I have feelings for me..badly. We're both single, but he doesn't do rships, it's not his thing. The more we hangout the more in my feelings I get,wat do I do?

Stop hanging out with him. It's going nowhere. There is a fundamental difference in what you each want out of this that neither is willing to compromise on.
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Liked by: Jasmine A. Edwards Unchinked Armor Beautifully Complex J.S. _ Reta

im 23 and a virgin. I feel like i'm missing out on my sexual prime. but i want the fairy tail, fall in love be committed and have sex. ive dated but I haven't found that yet. Im conflicted b/c i do want to have sex do i just wait it out till it's right? or go out & have fun?

Wow. Waiting to be in a committed relationship and THEN have sex is like a fairytale? Eek.
If that's when you want to have sex, wait for that. That's a real basic expectation that you shouldn't compromise on... Unless YOU change your mind and want to.
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Liked by: Jasmine A. Edwards Unchinked Armor Kelley Hayes Martin J.S. _ Reta

ive been playing by the book my whole life & i feel like it's gotten me nowhere. there are people who cross the line, live in gray areas and seem to be a lot happier than myself. It sometimes feels like I won't get my happy ending & being a good girl is just failing me. Am i crazy 4 feeling this way

Nope. You're growing up. Welcome. Have a moral compass and lines you won't cross. But learn to play by the rules that work FOR YOU, not against you.
#dontwasteyourpretty
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Liked by: Arielle Kelley Hayes Martin Cathy J.S. _ Unchinked Armor Reta

Just hit me that the guy I've been seeing is not going to commit. We talk often, are intimate but I finally realized he's not up for a rela, won't be till he gets his med degree. I've invested so much and feel so stupid. How to get over this mess? It's like not a breakup if you're never 2gether

You treat it like a break up anyway. Stop focusing on what it should feel like, Accept what it does feel like, and mourn the end of whatever it was like it's a break up.
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Liked by: Kelley Hayes Martin J.S. _ Unchinked Armor

Been together w/ my dude for over a yr now. I love him. However, I feel like he doesn't try to make me feel special anymore. Doesn't compliment me as much, nothing for my birthday, rarely sends sweet texts, and doesn't post pictures on soc. media anymore. I know he cares about me, but I want more ef

Have you said something? What did he say?
Eh.. It sounds like he's on his way out. You're listing a pattern of behavior where he's displaying a lack of interest in you. Everything you listed (except pics on social media. That happens for a lot of reasons) are classic break up signs, especially missing birthday and no compliments.
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Liked by: A. J.S. Laura Asseauguste

Talking to a mutual friend for 1 mo. We're supposed to have our 1st date; he lives 3 hours away. Up until the day, he was super excited about it, even hit me 3 hours before we're supposed to meet. Time approaches. He's subdued, slow to communicate, so I cancel. Confused by behavior change. Thoughts?

Something happened to make him lose interest. I can't guess as to what. But something. Maybe he talked to someone just before date who said something negative? I dunno.
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Liked by: _

Do u think blk women r taught 2 settle? I never hear blk men say "When I met my lady I wasnt attracted 2 her, or she didnt have ambition 2 match mine" but I hear this from blk wmn all the time. When BW want 2 date accomplished men we are considered unrealistic but BM are never taught 2 settle. Why?

Awww. You don't read my column or books or read her regularly. That makes me sad.
Guys say stuff like that A LOT. You may just not be in spaces where they speak freely. But yeah, that "I wasn't all that happy, but I'm trying to work with XYZ comes up with HUMANS." I literally just write a piece on that for my "Ask Demetria" column on The Root.
I will say that guys tend to be quicker to walk away when their needs are consistently not being met. Women would do well to adopt that from the guys.
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Liked by: Whitelle Kelley Hayes Martin Cathy J.S. Tanesha Laura Asseauguste _ Unchinked Armor Cici

Hey B, was let down "easy" by hearing this "I would need someone who's a little more outgoing in social settings if I were to get into a relationship" after 6 mths it still hurts bc everything else was great. is being more introverted such a bad thing?if he's the outgoing one y was this a dealbreakr

He wants what he wants. If he really liked you, he'd deal and if he was smart, he'd know that two outgoing people tend to get on each other's nerves bad in a relationship.
But that's neither here not there. A partner who is social is important to him, you're not that. Being upset doesn't change that. Instead of thinking something is wrong with you for being an introvert, why is that you don't think something is wrong with him for walking away from a good person for a shallow reason. There are other ways to look at this.
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Liked by: Whitelle A. BLAKE DiscoverJamie Cathy C Parker J.S. _ Unchinked Armor Cici

So me and the guy I'm dating are having a few issues, we started out talking everyday and now we are both busy but I am still use to that and he said "give him time to miss me" but is it right for me to feel like while he's trying to miss me someone else could want me?

Nope. If you're not in a relationship, you should be dating more than one person. Exclusivity is for relationships.
But that person doesn't want to be suffocated either.
"Give me time to miss you" means you're doing too much for him. It's a nice way of saying "back up a bit."
I'm going to guess that you don't just speak once a day, but it's multiple times AND text and did you recently say something to him about the length of time it takes to respond?
#dont waste your pretty<< available on Amazon.com x Kindle NOW
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Liked by: A. Cathy J.S. _ Unchinked Armor

BF thinks telling me he wants to f me all the time is sexy and a way of checking in. I HATE IT. I hear that all the time on the street, don't want to hear it from bae. I feel objectified. He talks about other stuff, but mostly this. I've tried telling him to be more romantic with ILY, IMY... WWBD?

Tell him it actually turns you off, and makes you not want to talk him. And tell him it makes you think of him as one of those guys on the street. That should make him stop.
And if he does it, respond back saying "yuck" or "complete turnoff" when he reaches out to you. His goal-- or one of them anyway-- is to have sex. Unless he's just a grade A jerk, he'll stop doing whatever is standing in the way of that.
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Liked by: BLAKE Cathy Laura Asseauguste _ Unchinked Armor Neshia Smith Reta

[2/2] I'm a private person. Told her this but she insists on intervening. Told me that I wouldn't have any biz w/o her. <__< I didn't ask for the set up to begin w. This was all her doing. I'm grown, this isn't middle school, I don't need her passing along info about him. What else can I say/do?

Um. Ya girl sounds like a busy body and dude sounds like his phone doesn't work. Instead of asking for your number, he's calling your girl. Y'all may all be grown, but they aren't acting like it.
You girl is also tripping. That "you wouldn't have any business..." lets me know this is a disaster waiting to happen. If you date this man, she is going to be all up in ya'lls life, which clearly you're not cool with.
Let her know that on second thought, this isn't a good idea and you'll pass. I'm all for you meeting a man, but you don't need this mess to do it.
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Liked by: Beautifully Complex _ Unchinked Armor Cathy Kambri Sneed

[1/2] First date w guy tmrw. A little annoyed w friend that introduced us, as she continues, despite my protest, to answer questions on my behalf. I'd rather her direct him/his questions to me instead, as that's the purpose of dating: to figure out if we actually like each other on our own.

That's on HIM and bestie. He's asking her instead of you. Let's give him some accountability here too.
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Liked by: _ Unchinked Armor

Belle, I really need your advice. How do you go about asking ur bf if he's ever been in a relationship with a man? I'm nervous about things and don't know if something's all in my head or what. But I have got to ask.

I like to think of this line of questioning as something you ask early on, just to make sure everyone's on the same page. But the question isn't, "have you been in a relationship..." Because you don't need to be committed to have sex, an honest answer still won't tell you what you need to know. It's more, "have you ever had sex with..." If the answer is honest, that tells you what you're really getting at.
So... at the point that you're in a relationship and suddenly suspicious, and "need to know", I don't know if the answer, even if it's "no", really changes anything. If it's "no", do you trust it? Does it make whatever observations you've made that led you down this path irrelevant and all is well again? And if it's "yes", what are you prepared to do here? Are you staying or going?
Ask it because you want to know and you just want an answer on the record. But think about where this goes BEFOREhand. You may be better off just trusting your gut and leaving.

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Liked by: _ Unchinked Armor Quitta Clements

In rel. w BF almost a yr , BF & his ex (on &off 5+yrs) share mutual friends, all are close. While BF made it clear he does not want to be w her I sometimes feel insecure/awkward at events bc we don't have that much history. Should I avoid outings? Want to be supportive but dnt want to sabotage rel.

The only way you get history is by spending time and building memories. You're upset about something that you can not do anything at all about.
Bailing on events isn't going to give you memories or history any faster.
They might have history, but they don't have a relationship. You do. Don't sabotage it worrying about something you cannot change.
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Liked by: DM BLAKE Beautifully Complex Laura Asseauguste Unchinked Armor

I am dating two men right now (no boyfriend and girlfriend). One is pretty wealthy and the other doesn't have much money to their name, but they both treat me right. Would I be petty for choosing the wealthy man, or stupid for choosing the man without much.

Unless you're in it for a lifestyle upgrade, choose who makes you happiest WHEN A COMMITMENT IS OFFERED. Until then, date them both.
Also, I find that only Black women are made to feel bad for dating a man with money. There's absolutely nothing wrong with finding a man with money attractive. Every other group of women are encouraged to date men with solid finances who also treat them well.
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Liked by: Whitelle kim Charlotte Kelley Hayes Martin C Parker Beautifully Complex Laura Asseauguste _ Unchinked Armor Cici

What are the odds of a man who recently ended a 4 year relationship (he broke it off) wanting to get in a new one? I've had a crush on this dude for a while but he had a girl so I kept it to myself. Now that he's single & asked me out (yay!) still hesitant re: timing since I ultimately want a rship

You can date him, but he's more than likely not ready for a relationship anytime soon. Folks don't do themselves any favors jumping from one relationship to the next.
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Liked by: Beautifully Complex _ Mica

My guy friend came to me for advice from female pov. He's w/his gf & tho it's not an unhappy rltshp he's not completely fulfilled with her. He's not sure if he wants to leave or stay. I told him he prob loves her but not in love w/her. She on the other hand is madly in love with him. I think he shou

You will quickly learn that as a friend, it's best to stay out of folks relationship biz, even if they ask.
I'm a coach. Even when my friends ask stuff as friends, my answers are questions like, "what do you want to do?" And "how do you feel about that?" And "have you discussed it with XYZ?" Telling friends how to run their love lives, always, always implodes.
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Liked by: Charlotte Laura Asseauguste _ Unchinked Armor Cathy Mica Reta

My homegirl claims I'm picky cause I've been single since 08 .. Im established young adult chilling, she is a serial monogamist , how do I tell her to chill , I'll find love on my time

You're not obligated to be polite to people who are impolite to you, especially when it's more than once. If she's comfy throwing it in your face that you've been single. You can also remind her that she's a serial monogamist and unmarried, so y'all are in the same boat.
She sounds like a frenemy. You sure she actually likes you?
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Liked by: Charlotte Laura Asseauguste _ Unchinked Armor Cathy Terese Mica Reta

If a man or woman is dating w/ an STD like herpes, when is the right time to tell the person they're dating? Do you come out w/ it as soon as someone expresses interest or wait until before you become intimate (kiss, have sex)?

Anytime before intimacy is fair game. Preferably the first time the topic of sex comes up, just be honest. Don't announce it like a death a sentence. Just say it plain.
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Liked by: Unchinked Armor Reta

Hey B, so I found out my bf was cheating on me continuously w a variety of people frm a swinging site. Was obviously devastated as thought I would marry this man. Have worked hard to allow myself to be in my feelings but he is still trying to get me back. Just ego? I dont get it. You messed up!

That's ego. If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn't have been cheating with all those women.
Stop speaking to him. Block him. You have no reason to deal with him unless you're raising a child together.
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Liked by: BLAKE Unchinked Armor _ Reta Cici

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