tea.

My brother is turning 17 next month, and I can't get my head around it! I'm not too sure why I haven't brought him up very often, he's definitely the golden child out of the two of us, haha! He's got my grandfather's build and would make a brilliant rugby prop or centre - if he would lay a hand on another individual, which he won't. He's only just taller than me at about 5"8. He's got the bright blond hair that I grew out of and the bright blue eyes that I kinda swung for and missed :p

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But idk, I still feel like I haven't properly described him. He loves his dog. He was diagnosed with above average intelligence and astonishingly severe dyslexia in the same breath. He's studying to be a horticulturist. His favourite colour is green, and his guilty pleasure is hot chocolate. He tells things straight, and doesn't have the filter of "Things Not To Say In Front Of-" and I love him for that. You and he would sit there casually trading puns until judgement day.

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We've been through a lot of shit together, and I am ridiculously protective of him. He probably doesn't need it anymore, but older sisters take their jobs seriously;) There is no one kinder. He would stop the world on its axis for the people that he loves.

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He's also called Rob. I forgot about that. Oops.

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Yup. I was born in Iceland before being adopted by a whaling boat. At five years old, I discovered that I fundamentally disagreed with the life I was being brought up into and left in the dead of night. I catapulted myself into the freezing waves of the Atlantic, and washed ashore in Cuba. I survived on palm leaves and distilled water for months. At the tender age of six, I was discovered. Kicking and screaming in my native Icelandic tongue, they dragged me to the officials. They took one look at me and decided that I was a risk to the delicate building blocks of their country. I was banished - put into a fishing boat with three weeks of food and water. I used my teeth to sharpen staves of wood and hunted fish. I survived.

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I turned seven at one of the top prep schools in England, having been tamed and taught to speak English by a foolish family. They educated me, nurtured me - but have no idea that I am simply biding my time. My heart sings the song of the ocean, and I will claim my inheritance and return to it. Soon, my love. Soon.

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So, weather report is that the sun has come out and the daffodils are coming up. There's loads of them here! Hey, do you remember when you thought that daffodils could work as trumpets? That was so funny. And the time that we tried eating daisies because Jamie told us that the centres tasted like honey? Anyway, sun's out. That guy is walking around the village with his wheelbarrow again. There's still nothing in it. And, what else, um. Josh moved! He doesn't live by the museum anymore. He's living abut a mile away, by the railway line.
It's that maths test on Friday. Thanks for lending me that CD, algebra makes more sense when a croc is laying it out for you!

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Hi, it's me again.
I passed the test! Barely, but they aren't going to write home. Which is cool, because you know how it is. I saw the twins yesterday. Or, like, I heard them before I saw them. They were walking down your street and I was coming out of the alleyway. I thought it was you for a minute. You sound pretty similar.

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Hi, it's me again.
Today's weather report is that the whole village is flooded. I can't sit down because everything is sodden, so mind if I lean next to you instead? It's nice here. I kind of miss when we would take our bikes through. The field has been shut off though - the bull is back. Hey! Remember when we got chased into the river by him? I think he remembers us, I really do! He looks at me funny. Anyways, I bought you this. It's so cool, look. He has a whip and the fedora and everything. Sorry you didn't get to finish the cave. I saw your Mum the other day, and she says that she trips over lego, like, the whole entire time. So yeah, I'm gonna leave him here. Ooooh, roses. Someone's got a cruuuuush. They smell nice.

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Hi, it's me again!
Happy birthday! I didn't bring you anything because I'm late, but I'll stop by after school! Promise! I made a cake, but it's burnt, but you won't mind, right?!

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Hi, it's me again.
I've been told I shouldn't come by as often. I'm getting behind at school, and they think it's because I come here instead of getting my homework done. "We don't pay this much for your education for you to throw it away."
I don't get on with the girls, there, though. They don't get it. None of them get it. I miss you so much. /I don't know what to do./

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Hi, it's me again.
Weather report! Sunny, with a touch of preciti- precipitation. Precipitation. Like, rain, and snow, and hail, and anything wet. It's not snowing, it's just dewy and stuff. Benji is here, too, I'm meant to be walking him. If anyone asks, I got distracted talking to Jan! If I blink really, really fast, then she'll cover for me. Like when you had mud all over because you belly slid down that slope at Josh's, and I said I pushed you? Do you think your Dad believed me? I don't, but at least we got away with it!

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Hi, it's me again.
It's, we're - I'm moving. They're sending me away. /They won't listen to me./
Come back. Please, please. This is so stupid. Just come back. Please.

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You were asking questions, yesterday. You stood there on court, and you barely come up to my elbows, and you chewed your lip and asked.
If I had a younger sister, I feel like I would have known how to answer them. But I had nothing. It was out of context. I wanted to give you the answers, and to maybe make you a little less trusting, but I had no off the cuff "Yes, and this is why."

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So, monster, these are the answers that I couldn't find the words for. I'm sorry, by the way. I don't think they'll be quite what you're after. I can't make life at home easier for you. I can't make them love each other again. But I can be here for you. I will always be right here.

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1 - It's not like in the books. The beginnings tend to be. In the beginning, it tends to be like the moment when you realise that Spring has finally arrived. It's this exciting rush when you see that everything gets warmer and lighter from here on in. Brilliant colours come back into your life. The world seems to conjure up one wonder after another. Look, the world says, look at this incredible person for you to laugh with, to learn about, to love.
And then Summer arrives, and you settle into comfortable routine. You find out that their favourite time of day is the evening, just as the sun sets. They like the stillness of it. They work out that you absolutely hate being patronised. They watch you stiffen up and get very, very polite every time that it happens.
Autumn comes, and maybe you've been too warm and comfortable. Leaves drift down. It's fine. It's all fine. And then the storms start.
It's Winter, and you're cold again.

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2. I really didn't know how to answer this one. I said "Yes." and I said it so quickly. You asked who it was and I told you. You said that you didn't know him. It's chill. I don't either, these days.

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3. First kisses are going to be awful. Like, I have never met anybody who has a good first kiss story. Nobody knows what they're doing. It's sloppy and will put you off of kissing for at least five years. You are so tiny that that's not an idea that distresses me too much. I get that you're thinking about kissing skinny, pre-pre-teen boys, but save it for another two years. At least. Go and find a tree to make a swing in. Find yourself a woodlouse colony and make yourself their God. Please, do it for me.

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4. I didn't know how to answer this one, either. You pertinently asked what happened. Apparently a shrug wasn't good enough for you. Apparently "I was too young." wasn't, either. No, he didn't break my heart. That was such an unpretentious way to put it; Thank you.
No, we didn't just stop loving each other. No, we didn't make it Facebook official straight away. Yes, I kissed him. No, more than that. More than ten times, yup. For real. I know I just said it was gross. I stand by that. Stop thinking about kissing my exes.

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5. Here's the advice that you didn't ask
Loving yourself before loving anybody else is potentially the most important thing you will ever do.

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