#friends

I do like it! And I don’t mind other people using it! Depending on who I talk to, I can definitely bring out my sarcastic side way more. Like, some of my friends are more sarcastic than others, for example, and I feel comfortable doing that with them. Same goes with my family. Sometimes though, sarcasm can go over my head a bit, especially in text cause it’s hard to decipher one’s tone. 😅 But being sarcastic has definitely not made me any enemies, I don’t even have those to begin with. 😂

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I do have some thoughts on how it should be used though. I think it needs to be used with caution and care. What I mean by that is I’ve noticed some people either overuse it, or use it as a subtle way to bash someone else, be condescending, passive aggressive, etc. 😐 And in that case, it’s certainly possible to be put in a situation where people don’t like you that much. So I would say it’s important to know where the boundaries are, and when to be sarcastic with someone/when not to be. And if someone doesn’t like sarcasm/doesn’t understand it, please respect that. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone says outright they didn’t like a sarcastic joke or something, and people use more sarcasm to essentially make fun of them for it… 😒

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I mean… some do. I know I don’t prefer that though, and the people I’m friends with don’t either. I’m not friends with people to appear “cool,” nor would I ever intentionally be mean to be considered cool by a handful of people. Those aren’t true friends, in my opinion. To me, they are in it for how popular they’ll be, and how they’re percieved, instead of wanting authentic friendship. 😐 I don’t mind sarcasm, as I’m sarcastic myself at times. But, I feel sarcasm can also be a bit condescending/passive aggressive depending on what you’re saying, how you say it, and your relationship to the person you say it to. There’s a place for sarcasm, and doing it to be more subtly rude isn’t okay.

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Personally, I wanna be friends with people who genuinely want to know me and hang out with me, and who are fun, kind, thoughtful, both to me and others, etc. I think feeling safe with people is really important, and I don’t feel safe with people who have tendencies to be rude for “cool points.” If they’re willing to be rude to others for a reason like that, more than likely, they’ll be willing to be rude to you too. 😅

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I think the reason people tend to remember mean or “cool” individuals is because they purposely stir up drama and get people talking. 😒 And to me, it always feels like they want an audience. They want people to talk about them, to look at them, think about them, etc, it heightens the experience, AND because they are deemed as “cool”, it draws others in and makes them aspire to be just like them. Even if it’s rather unfortunate that it is that way.

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Whereas quieter people get ignored/forgotten, likely because they have tendencies to stay out of things, and don’t give people reason to talk much. Though, I will say, even though they are seemingly ignored, you never know who was secretly touched by their kindness, or are attracted to their nature. People remember kindness and how good it makes them feel much more than you may think. You don’t have be mean in order to be remembered… Just saying. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Can you be assertive? Yes absolutely, in fact, I think assertiveness is a good thing. But mean or unnecessarily rude? No thank you.

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I try to be a listening ear as much as possible, and just show I love and care about them by actually saying it, and of course showing it. Like, just really to make them feel they are valued. I also try to do nice things for them that I know may take pressure off them. I like to refrain from giving advice unless they specifically ask for it, in these situations though… Cause I know, if I’m feeling like that, I don’t want my friends to attempt to fix the problem, or carry it for me, I just like to know they are there and will support me/listen as much as they are able to.

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I think the goal in friendship isn’t always to absolve our friends of their problems, or their hard feelings. It’s more so to talk through it with them, be a friendly sounding board, a place they can talk and be free to express what they need without judgement. And also, for encouragement, and to remind them that someone is there for them, even when everything feels really heavy, dark, and lonely. I know some of what’s helped me during my lowest points is the friends I know I can turn to no matter how I’m feeling and I know for a fact, they are gonna be there. 🥺🥹

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Not a personality type, but I have noticed that I tend to gravitate towards my fellow neurodivergent folk, and particularly towards others on the spectrum. As for the reason why, I’m pretty confident it has something to do with the ways that neurodivergent people communicate and how our communication style differs from that of our neurotypical peers.

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That’s not to say that I don’t have NT friends who I also love. However, I have found that in most (if not all) of my relationships with NTs, there has been something of an awkward "teething phase" where we’ve struggled to get on the same wavelength.

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Maybe they were trying to subtly imply something and I just wasn’t picking up on it. Maybe they misinterpreted something I said as holding hidden meaning when I was literally just being direct.

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It’s not a huge deal, stuff like that happens sometimes when folks have differently-wired brains! So long as both parties are committed to talking things out openly and working through miscommunications together, I see no reason why a friendship can't happen. With my closest NT friends, we have reached a point where we do understand each other. It might've took some work, but we got there eventually.

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… I won’t lie though, it is nice to not have to trudge through that initial teething phase. Hence why the vast majority of my friends ARE neurodivergent. We just kinda 'get' each other in a way neurotypicals often don't. 😅

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