#authentic

I don't like to be asked about friendships and relationships, and I don't really like to be questioned about my sexuality. I think those questions are invasive and can be harmful. Being questioned so publicly about my sexuality at such a young age has put a nasty taste in my mouth and now that's a touchy topic for me... I don't mind talking about it sometimes on my terms, it's been super healing for me to finally be able to talk about it a little bit, to finally be able to be completely authentic, and to see everyone's love and support... I just think after 20+ years of being closeted and it not being my choice that I need time to adjust and decide what I do and don't want to share... so hopefully during this journey that is and isn't new to me in certain ways, all I can do is hope people be will understanding and not too invasive 🙏

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Advice to people of any age:

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The words "Shia" or "Sunni" are not mentioned in the Quran. They have no existence in it. The Quran, in Surah Al-Imran, Ayah 103, says:

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"Hold firmly to the rope of Allah all together and do not become divided."

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Allah, in Surah Al-An'am, Ayah 159, says:

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"O Prophet! Those who divided their religion and became sects, you have no part in them in the least. Their affair is with Allah, who will tell them what they used to do."

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Thus, creating sects within Islam is prohibited. Anyone who creates sects is moving away from the Quran and Sunnah. The Quran instructs:

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"Obey Allah and obey the Messenger."

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To be a Muslim, one must simply obey Allah and follow the authentic teachings of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).

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Moreover, do not feel superior to any other Muslim or any human based on caste or sect, as the Prophet (peace be upon him) stated in his final sermon:

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"All humankind is from Adam, and no Arab has any superiority over a non-Arab, nor does a non-Arab have any superiority over an Arab; a white has no superiority over a black, nor does a black have any superiority over a white; none have superiority over another except by piety and good action."

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The Prophet (peace be upon him) taught us humility. If you feel superior to another Muslim or human, you deviate from the righteous path and become a follower of Satan, who was the first to say, "I am better than him" (Quran, Surah Al-A'raf, Ayah 12).

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Furthermore, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said about arrogance:

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"He who has in his heart the weight of a mustard seed of arrogance will not enter Paradise." (Sahih Muslim)

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Therefore, as Muslims, we need to focus on our faith and deeds and stop declaring others as 'disbelievers' based on their sect while considering ourselves as 'believers.' Unknowingly, we are wasting our good deeds and causing division, which is prohibited in our religion. May Allah guide us all on the straight path. Ameen.

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I mean… some do. I know I don’t prefer that though, and the people I’m friends with don’t either. I’m not friends with people to appear “cool,” nor would I ever intentionally be mean to be considered cool by a handful of people. Those aren’t true friends, in my opinion. To me, they are in it for how popular they’ll be, and how they’re percieved, instead of wanting authentic friendship. 😐 I don’t mind sarcasm, as I’m sarcastic myself at times. But, I feel sarcasm can also be a bit condescending/passive aggressive depending on what you’re saying, how you say it, and your relationship to the person you say it to. There’s a place for sarcasm, and doing it to be more subtly rude isn’t okay.

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Personally, I wanna be friends with people who genuinely want to know me and hang out with me, and who are fun, kind, thoughtful, both to me and others, etc. I think feeling safe with people is really important, and I don’t feel safe with people who have tendencies to be rude for “cool points.” If they’re willing to be rude to others for a reason like that, more than likely, they’ll be willing to be rude to you too. 😅

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I think the reason people tend to remember mean or “cool” individuals is because they purposely stir up drama and get people talking. 😒 And to me, it always feels like they want an audience. They want people to talk about them, to look at them, think about them, etc, it heightens the experience, AND because they are deemed as “cool”, it draws others in and makes them aspire to be just like them. Even if it’s rather unfortunate that it is that way.

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Whereas quieter people get ignored/forgotten, likely because they have tendencies to stay out of things, and don’t give people reason to talk much. Though, I will say, even though they are seemingly ignored, you never know who was secretly touched by their kindness, or are attracted to their nature. People remember kindness and how good it makes them feel much more than you may think. You don’t have be mean in order to be remembered… Just saying. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Can you be assertive? Yes absolutely, in fact, I think assertiveness is a good thing. But mean or unnecessarily rude? No thank you.

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I think integrity is an extremely valuable trait. How they act, what they do/say, if they do the right things regardless of if someone is watching, how they treat people both in the presence of others vs behind closed doors is all very telling. And I find people who have a lot of integrity are usually very good people all the way around.

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While a trait like kindness is inherently good, I feel like integrity wraps up many valuable traits into one. You really get to see someone’s character from many angles. If they don’t treat people the same, that gives you a sense of their kindness/morality, or lack thereof. If they do/don’t do the right things depending on who is around/watching, that gives you insight into their courage/honesty. If everyone who knows them reaffirms all the things you know/love about them, that just further proves their character, making them more safe, trustworthy, and seem genuinely authentic. All of which I think is highly important, and valuable when deciding who you surround yourself with. ☺️

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I think this platform is better than other social media platforms because you can be more authentic on here by sharing your thoughts/feelings. On other platforms like Snapchat or Instagram, people tend to mainly share their happy moments (which can be deceiving) and those apps are more for posting pictures whereas you can post pictures and write on here. People complain about anonymous users bullying them on here but I don’t even consider disrespectful individuals who can’t even show their profile as bullying but rather immature and not to be taken seriously. Don’t get me wrong tho, I do love the anonymous feature since I like asking questions without being known, especially in times when I don’t always want the attention to be on me. I’m more insecure when it comes to posting on other social media platforms whereas on this one, I don’t worry about being negatively judged. This platform helped me make friends when I didn’t have any other way to make new friends and so far, I have had mainly good experiences on here.

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I can never fake who I am. Because it takes a lot of energy to pretend, and I don't have enough of it. So, I don't make myself go though that hassle of not being myself.
I don't fear disappointment anymore. Simply because I know the nature of people, they will disappoint you, hurt you, it is inevitable.
One can disappoint me or take me for granted only if I allow them to. Once, is a mistake. Twice and onwards is a pattern. People can correct their mistakes, but very few can break their patterns. So they hurt me after I showed them my authentic self, maybe I will give them another chance. Two or three if they mean a lot to me, but once you sit down and think, that there is nothing you can do about such people, you don't waste your energy entertaining them. Rather than not showing my authentic self to them, I would just stop showing myself altogether.

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. συт σf ρσтαтσ qυєєи
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That's a pretty painful process for me.
Because I need some time to reflect upon my friends' behaviour. I compare their behaviour to my idealized behaviour in friendship as well as past friendships gone bad and the reasons why they have gone bad and then I need to reflect on the following points:

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⊗ are they busy with their life or do they give me excuses to not spend time together because they simply don't want it anymore and are too scared to tell me the truth?

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⊗ do they have a hard time right now and need some support, whatever it may be or...did they just stop making an effort to keep the friendship alive? Because friendship is not a one-way road. Whenever people take their friends for granted I can guarantee you, it's about to become a toxic friendship.

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⊗ if they can go weeks/months without talking to me, do they tell me why they can't be currently there for me? Because otherwise...what is a friendship even if people do not care about each other? You can't build a house on sand, you know?

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⊗ are they authentic with me or do I need to second-guess everything that comes out of their mouths? If I catch them lying or finding out the truth by myself it is hard to restore that trust that I've once put in them.

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⊗ are they supportive of me or do they try to make fun of me when other people are around - or worse behind my back? I don't keep people around who don't know how to be sensitive and appreciative of each other.

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⊗ are they listening to me when I'm talking or do they listen to add their own drama and pain? Making everything a competition although I needed emotional support. ⊗ Can they be there for me when I am in an emotional critical condition? It's okay not to have always time for each other but it's not okay to let someone down at a critical moment/condition, especially when they are in a peaceful situation and are just not in the mood to help. That's just bad behaviour in my opinion.

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⊗ are they trying to be friends with me because they need something of me (certain skills or emotional support) or are they friends with me because they genuinely care about me?

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⊗ do they listen to me when I talk about problems in our friendship or do they try to minimise my feelings and turn the tables so that they try not to look like the ones who are at fault? Because when problems appear they do not because one person decides they are complete angels. It's because they can't stand the thought that they, too, did something wrong. It's always both people who probably miscommunicate in a friendship - and it's sad to see when they don't have the guts to admit that.

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We all do to some degree. We all want to feel seen and heard, valued and appreciated by others. And in today's world where we are constantly bombarded with messages and distractions, it can be easy to feel overlooked or forgotten if we don't actively seek out attention from others. That being said— I also believe that there are healthier ways of getting the attention we need than others - seeking validation through social media likes or superficial measures of success might provide temporary boosts but ultimately won't lead to long-term fulfilment. Instead, maybe we should focus on building genuine connections with the people around us and finding activities that bring us joy and purpose regardless of external recognition. After all, attention is nice but authentic human connection is even better. 🌻

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It is very important, because every time someone puts a mic up to your face or writes something, it’s a part of your legacy that’s going out online. You wanna make sure that you’re being authentic to who you are, but it’s also scary, because in every interview, people want you to be vulnerable. But if you’re too vulnerable... the things that I say to you today could be totally acceptable but in six months, six years from now, it could be completely problematic. Everything that you say can be used against you if it’s printed on the internet. That’s why a lot of celebrities are skeptical about doing press at all, because it’s like anything that you can say can be twisted, can be misrepresented, or it could just mean something completely different.

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There was a time not too long ago where the word ‘queer’ was like, almost like the f-a-g word. It was so offensive. And now it is the only terminology that can — one of the only words — that you can use to fully encompass the entire gay community or LGBTQ+ community. It’s just interesting to see how that shift has happened. Now other words that were acceptable then are not acceptable now, and might be acceptable again. It’s like fashion, you know? It changes like the wind, and it’s continuously changing at a rapid pace. Every day I find out about another word I can’t say, and I’m like, ‘Oh my goodness, well, that’s in my song. Do I change the lyrics?’ Even the nuance of like the ballroom community, there were certain words in my songs that I totally was like, “This is okay to say those songs have millions of views. Do I not perform those songs anymore? Do I now change it? I don’t want to offend this community even though I’m a part of the gay community, and those were words that I had heard used all the time and in my everyday vocabulary.’ It’s just a very difficult situation to navigate, and you’re always trying to like toggle back and forth with like ‘How much do I allow social media, and people’s feelings to affect my day-to-day life and my artistry?’ You have to tow that line and really work on that balance. It’s difficult. I love that you talked to Billy Porter because he’s one of my biggest mentors and inspirations. He’s wonderful, and he always has such great things to say. Him and RuPaul, anytime I’ve ever spoken to them, they just say things that are so prolific and give me so much food for thought and fill my heart up with so much wisdom and knowledge and passion and drive. I always leave feeling like a better version of myself than I started when I sat down to talk to them.

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Do you ever look at the leaves of the trees how they always turn into colours in winter and how some of the leaves are cracked and I always found beauty in the broken and flawed, how all the trees which are very old and lone always sway to the tune of wind as they are always praising god that's what it always makes me feel like and withered flowers pressed in the mud or found in the corner of road and thinking about all these things it makes me realised of us as humans beings and one of the reasons why I love their all little imperfections. We all are authentic albeit messy human beautifully flawed and imperfectly perfect, beings and when you love or care about someone, imperfections are nothing cause you worship and love every piece of them - the good/rough hard parts and curves and edges of them. 🌻

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