#loneliness

There was a guy who would verbally degrade me and he told me he was in a FWB situation and that the girl he was with got into a serious relationship with someone else and what they had came to an end. He was planning on getting with her twin but luckily she knew better and refused. He also mentioned how he wanted to get with older women who are like 30+ that he happened to meet at the hotel he worked at. He ended up ghosting me for months just to come back being disrespectful all over again while he was most likely “busy” talking to someone else online and he even admitted that he was mean to the other girls he’d interact with. I wouldn’t consider myself as one of the girls considering I was still an adult at the time and only kept talking to him out of loneliness and the hope that he’d be nice to me like he was at the start. Thankfully, I never met him in person and kept his number blocked after dealing with such an immature guy like him. Can you believe it if I told you he once said, “Idk what you women would do without us men”? It’s a shame he was a 19 year old boy acting like a brat.

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For me personally, I would say that darkness makes me feel more vulnerable than light - cause when it is dark, you don't know what might be lurking around the corner or behind you – but at the same time, shouting crowds can also make me feel exposed and overwhelmed by all the noise and chaos surrounding me. As for loneliness versus social situations - both can trigger feelings of vulnerability in different ways. When Iam alone at night, my mind tends to wander and dwell on negative thoughts or fears, which can make me feel very vulnerable emotionally. On the other hand, being surrounded by lots of people in a crowded space can also create a sense of unease if I don't feel like I belong or am comfortable with those around me. And in terms of trust versus skepticism - while trust is important for building strong relationships with others and feeling secure in yourself overall; skepticism has its place too since healthy doubts help us avoid getting taken advantage of by others who may have ulterior motives that we are not aware of yet and acceptance versus rejection is another dichotomy where both offer benefits as well as drawbacks since acceptance allows us to be open-minded while rejection provides opportunities for growth through self-reflection about our behavior towards others. And about change versus stability could either lead to uncertainty or security depending on how one perceives them based upon their personal experiences so far. 🌻

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I’ve always had a problem with authority because I never felt like I belonged in a place where people expect me to be or look a certain way that just isn’t me. I do get tired of trying to blend in and from acting the way I think people expect me to act or speak just for the sake of feeling a little less lonely because I can’t stand the feeling of loneliness and want to feel connected to others, even if it means hiding certain traits that I have that aren’t seen as “desirable” as other traits. I sometimes even find myself holding back from unleashing the negative emotions that are inside of me for the sake of not upsetting my family members even tho there isn’t too much authority at home, if at all. But I do hope that I can truly be myself everywhere I go at some point in the future, without having to risk losing friends and feeling lonely as a result.

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i'll never force anyone to choose me - if you think you can find something better elsewhere then go ahead

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i'm not holding you back

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life's too short to hang to someone who doesn’t want to stay

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i believe in freedom and the truth of feelings

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If you must stay, let it be because your heart tells you this is where you belong - not because i asked you to

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i wanna be a choice, not a default or option

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i deserve someone who sees my value, who understands what i bring to their life

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i don't want someone who stays with me out of fear of loneliness or out of habit

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i want someone who stays because they can't imagine life without me

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the door is always open - you're free to leave at any time

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so if you think you happiness lies elsewhere i won't stand in your way

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and in the meantime i'll keep going, i'll continue build my own life to be happy on my own

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because my happiness doesn't depend on your presence, but on my own ability to.

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Having kids is not a walk in the park. It's a huge responsibility that never ends regardless of how old your child will become. Any parent will tell you that sometimes you have days where you wish you could go back in time and not have kids and that's not to say that we don't love them because we do it's just that you never get a break and sometimes it's overwhelming. People don't understand how much goes into being a parent and usually have kids for the wrong reasons. More people need to actually have the talk instead of just effing.

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Some people genuinely dislike kids or regret them. Fear of loneliness. Kids don't fix your problems. Their careers, environment, state of the world, and the simple fact that kids ARE expensive. Health/medical reasons, the fact that they might be a caretaker to someone else, their lifestyle, family history, and timing ain't right.

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