Alkupra

Iya, gak tau gimana mulainya. Tapi dulu setiap liburan nginep di rumah nenek di Sukabumi yang kebunnya luas, gue suka ngumpulin daun/kertas untuk dibakar. Kalau yang lain ke warung minta dibeliin chiki, gue minta dibeliin korek api batangan. Gue inget gue fascinated melihat api bisa menghanguskan apapun dengan cepat. I think I was amazed by how destructive it is dan ngerasa semua yang ada di dunia itu cuma fragile thing yang bisa hilang begitu aja.

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Dari yang tadinya cuma bakar daun dan kertas, gue mulai bereksperimen dengan bakar hal-hal lainnya. Yang paling sering sih mainan gue. Toy soldiers warna hijau yang kaya di Toy Story itu gue bakar satu per satu sampai meleleh. And then I practically trying to burn anything I could find, including a dead lizard.

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Kebiasaan yang tidak sehat ini mendadak berhenti ketika gue membakar sebuah pas foto yang gue temuin di jalan dan teman gue bilang kalau kita bakar foto orang, orang itu juga bakal terbakar. I burn it anyway, tapi entah kenapa setelahnya kepikiran kata temen gue dan membuat gue merasa bersalah. So I stop doing it. Sampai sekarang.

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Mumpung hari Senin, gue mau #CareerHour ah, jawabin yang nanya soal karier, terutama tentunya karier di majalah ya.

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Hi Desy, iya pasti kalau berpikir tentang kerja di majalah fashion ada kecemasan tentang iklim berpakaian ya? Gak bisa bohong, orang-orang media fashion biasanya visual banget dan beberapa mungkin will judge you from your appearance. That's why first impression is important. Dari mulai interview kerja, mungkin kamu harus mikirin pake baju apa yang terlihat chic tapi gak lebay dan juga gak kaku2 banget kaya kamu mau ngelamar kerja di bank. Sebelumnya kamu cari tau dulu majalah fashion seperti apa yang kamu? Kalau yang untuk remaja, tampil casual pun sebetulnya gak apa-apa, jeans is actually fine, asal jangan yang robek-robek dan warna-warni ngejreng. Its all about dressing smart, the safe option is jeans, atasan simpel, blazer, heels/pumps (gak usah yang tinggi banget). Aksesori secukupnya aja kaya jam atau seuntai kalung. Warna monokrom/gelap disarankan karena walaupun casual tapi tetap terlihat serius. AND DO NOT WEAR ANY HEADBAND, YOU'RE NOT BLAIR WALDORF.

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Nah kalau udah masuk kerja, kamu perhatiin aja dulu gaya rekan kerja kamu yg lain kaya gimana, kalau belum yakin kamu bisa tanya the do and the don't sama atasan kamu soal dress code kerja. Kalau menurut aku along the way, kamu akan menemukan sendiri gaya yang nyaman bagi kamu untuk ke kantor. Intinya sih tetep jadi diri kamu tapi juga inget kalau kamu mau gak mau bakal merepresentasikan tempat kerja kamu, so kalau ada undangan liputan, make sure kamu tampil representable. Gak harus branded yang pasti, tapi gak boleh clueless juga. Aku pun tergantung, kalau tau bakal pergi ke acara ya aku pake baju yang lebih niat, tapi kalau tau hari itu aku bakal di kantor seharian karena deadline misalnya, ya aku pakaiannya juga lebih cuek dan bodo amat. Aku juga suka tinggalin blazer di kantor kalau sewaktu2 mesti ke acara apa jadi bisa lebih presentable. Kalau yang cewek suka ninggalin heels di kantor untuk alasan yg sama.

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Intinya tetep jadi diri kamu sendiri, tapi dalam versi yang lebih chic.

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It was a perfect Monday night. You know, when the road is not too crowded and you can feel the new spirit on the first day of September. Its just three months away from the end of the year, and you start thinking how do you spent 2014 year so far, The air is crisp and the city streets are bustling. Its almost 7 PM and the street lights are shimmering with a soft tremulous light, I'm still on the bus, listening to my iPod while my heart fills with excitement and anxiety. In a few moment, I will meet him for the first time.

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As usual, bathroom is my first destination. I need to check myself in the mirror, which always make me even more insecure. I took a deep breath, splashing eau de toilette, and try to fixing my hair a little bit. Then I walk to the appointed meeting point. I arrive first, casually choose the seats and browsing the menu while thinking should I order beer? Is it will make me looks like an alcoholic? Should I order the waffle? Or it will make me looks childish? I definitely won't order the burger because it will be a mess, and I don't wanna look like a mess. At least, not this early.

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When I just finally decide to order some beer, he came and waving his hand to me and shake my hand while mentioning his name which is a common courtesy, but I don't think its necessary, because of course I know his name. Its the name that makes me anxiously waiting to pop up on my phone screen for the last few weeks.

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We order drinks and he order salad while I don't think I could digest any food for awhile. So I start to smoke instead, followed by him, and then the conversation kicks in. He's pretty much came up with the topic, from the recent hate message he finally got on ask,fm, his work, educational background and his particular hate for Ariana Grande's song. While I trying so hard to stay focus and hoping he not realize that I've been taking a mental picture of the way he blow his smoke and the way he smile. I keep moving my legs nervously under the table.

Three or four more cigarettes, then I ask about his past relationship. And I guess he's kinda state that he's not ready for new relationship yet. I can feel one of the butterflies dead in my stomach. I know I shouldn't expect anything from the first meet, but still. It's harder to smile after that realization. I know its stupid and silly, I don't need anyone to tell me that. Its nearly 10 and I'm getting more quiet. Not that I'm disappointed, its just... I don't want to say goodbye yet. Luckily, he offer to take me home, so there I am, in his car, listening to The Flaming Lips and The White Stripes. The streets still shimmering. The air still crisp. And I secretly wish the time could be slower or at least some traffic jam to prolong the moment.

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So, what's next after the first date?
Is it even a "date"?

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For sentimental reasons I love Oasis' classic songs like "Wonderwall", "Don't Look Back in Anger". "Champagne Supernova", "Stand By Me" because they remind me of my high school year when I fell in love with this kind of Sophomore bad boy who failed class and he must repeat his sophomore year in my class. He's delinquent but charming, and he's such a big fan of Oasis and always play their songs with his guitar. I think its the first time my heart actually beating so fast whenever I see someone. I wanna get close with him so my strategy is talk about music and lying that I prefer Oasis than Blur (even though I always prefer Blur), so we're kinda close, we borrowing each other cassettes and trading some notes and stuff. And its been a great Sophomore year for me to actually feel love with someone and doing some silly things like, remembering all details about him and its kinda creepy, but I used to collect all his handwriting and even his cigarettes box. I always thinking to confess my feeling but of course I fear the social consequence, but I make a promise with myself I will tell him my feeling on prom nite (I knowwww.... too much teen flicks) and its just never happened because he's failed his class two times in a row, so he need to transfer to another school, and he decides to go back to his family home in Medan.

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We're still in contact in Facebook but that's that. Maaf malah curhat.

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Oh, I prefer Blur.

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Izinin aku buat berandai-andai kalau ada di posisi kamu ya.

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Aku seneng banget punya sahabat ini, aku bisa merasa kalau there's something different about him, tapi aku milih nunggu dia untuk ceritain sendiri kalau dia udah siap. And guess what? Bener, dia ngaku ke aku kalau dia bi. Di satu sisi ada dari diriku yang kurang setuju dengan pilihannya, tapi di sisi yang lain aku seneng dia bisa cerita itu ke aku, karena its suppose to be a secret, dan dia percaya aku untuk kasih tau rahasianya, dan aku tau itu gak gampang. Sebagai sahabat aku bakal jaga rahasia yang udah dia percayain ke aku. Tapi... baru-baru ini dia jadian sama cowo, aku masih kurang setuju karena bagaimanapun sebagai sahabat aku gak mau kalau dia ketahuan dan sampai diejek2 teman2 yang lain. Aku pengen banget nyaranin dia untuk putus sama cowoknya dan pacaran sama cewek aja. Tapi, aku ngeliat dia kok bahagia ya sekarang? Dia lebih gampang tersenyum dan bersemangat, sebagai sahabat tentu aja aku ikutan seneng. Apa aku tega ngerusak kebahagiaan sahabat aku sendiri hanya karena penilaian benar dan salah menurut aku sendiri? Sebagai sahabat, aku gak bisa egois seperti itu, karena yang menjalani hidup sahabatku ya dia sendiri, dia yang berhak menentukan arti bahagia untuknya sendiri. Dan sebagai sahabat, aku mau dia bahagia. Itu udah cukup. Dan juga aku yakin, mungkin hubungan dia dengan pacarnya sekarang cepat atau lambat mungkin akan putus. Kalau saat itu beneran terjadi, dia pasti sedih dan butuh seseorang di sampingnya... apakah aku sebagai sahabat akan meninggalkannya begitu aja? Atau aku yang akan menghiburnya nanti di saat dia sedih dan terluka? I wanna be there for him. As the best of friends.

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