My gf always has to be right. Even if I show her that factually she's wrong she still gives an excuse as to why she's right. I'm getting tired of this. Is there some way to explain to her what she's doing?

June 22, 2018

All you can do is present the facts, as you have done. Explain to her that you have no problem with disagreeing with opinions of the facts, but there's nothing to discuss if there are "two sets" of facts. This is a big red flag for you future. If she persists, you'll have to make a choice.

I went out once with this guy. I thought we really hit it off. He hasn't called back in 4 days. Now I'm worried I screwed something up. How do I find out?

June 15, 2018

Since you really have no idea, stop creating drama in your own head. If he calls back, he does. If not, move on. Life is too short to keep worry about whether or not someone else approves of you. Most importantly, approve of yourself.

My husband's younger brother (he's still 27) is a mooch. He takes and takes. My husband feels guilty because we are successful. The guy is nice enough, but I think he should grow a pair and stand on his own two feet.

June 15, 2018

You need to find out what the family dynamics growing up were like. Your husband's guilt could be part of him growing up and being told that he needs to take care and be responsible for his younger brother. Some short-term therapy for both of you would be advised.

This lady I'm dating is nothing short of amazing. We are both in our mid 30's, and I can see us being together for a very long time. Except I just met her mother. All her mother does is complain about everything and everybody. She's a nightmare. What now?

June 15, 2018

Talk to your lady friend about this in a respectful way and tell her your concerns. If she recognizes what you see in her mother, it's a good sign. If she gets defensive or doesn't see it, that's a warning sign for your future.

I'm 52 and a recently divorced woman. My kids and friends want me to start dating. I'd like to be with someone but I'm afraid to start dating again. I haven't played the dating game in more than 30 years. Are there classes or something like that?

June 15, 2018

There are no classes, but there is always dating advice available. I recommend becoming part of a theme-oriented group instead of a dating group. That way the emphasis is not on the meet-up but rather everyone in the group has a shared interest. Examples are: political groups; activity groups such as cycling; hiking clubs; photography clubs; etc. The interaction with others occurs organically rather than being forced.

My father was an abusive alcoholic. He left us when I was 5. I started going out with this really nice guy, but I just found out his father is an alcoholic. This guy doesn't drink at all, but it still freaks me out. I know I shouldn't put my own issues on him, but ...???

June 15, 2018

You are right about them being your issues. If you've gone out several times, you might want to think about talking with him about your fears and explain why. He may offer you some insight and make you feel more comfortable.

Me and this other guy have been friends since elementary school. We both decided to go to the same community college, and we both met women, so we mostly double date. Recently the other couple started PDA's. I've told him it makes me uncomfortable but he says his lady initiates it. Any ideas?

June 15, 2018

You both need to tell them how uncomfortable it makes you feel when they go too far in public. If it continues, you two should not go out with them.

Because of my family history with addiction I don't do anything at all. This girl I've taken out twice has started pressuring me to drink when we go out. She's nice and all but I really don't like it. Do I just not take her out anymore?

June 15, 2018

Explain the situation to her. If she continues, she is not being respectful of you, and you need to move on. No one should feel pressured to do something that they really don't want to do.

Me and my gf go to church every Sunday. All of a sudden out of nowhere this older lady comes up and starts lecturing us that we are living in sin and will go to hell because we live together. We want to respect her as an elder, but WTF. How do we stop her without being disrespectful?

June 15, 2018

Just tell her that while you both appreciate her concern, you would very much appreciate it if she would not tell you how to live your life or try to guilt you. Some religious fanatics seem to think they have a license to lecture those who do not believe the same things they do or do no behave in what they feel is right. Set a firm boundary. If she starts again, smile and walk away.

My gf is upset with me because I sent her an ecard instead of a real card for her birthday. I thought it was a great card. I don't get it.

June 08, 2018

Some people don't consider e-cards, texts or anything digital to be the same as hard copy. The argument goes that digital things don't take as much effort, so they're not as good. In 2018 many people (including me) send e-cards. They can be much more animated.

I'm not sure how to handle this. This other family has a brother and sister the same ages of me and my bro but the girl is older. She's dating my bro and I'm dating her bro. I think it's ok but it's a little weird. Everybody thinks it's cute but IDK.

June 08, 2018

Hey, if it works, it works. Don't overanalyze it. Just enjoy. Definitely cute!! Relax and go with the flow.

I don't know what to do here. I posted a pic of myself but it's 2 years old and I've put on some weight since. Me and this guy have connected online and he now wants to meet up. I'm really worried I'll look like a bait-and-switch. Should I update my pic?

June 08, 2018

Yes, you should. Don't meet up with him for a few days after posting it. It would be a bait and switch if you did not update. Really not worth taking a chance. You'd want to know what he really thinks BEFORE meeting up with him.

I met this girl at the mall a few months ago and we had a lot of interests. So I found her on Facebook and messaged her. Fast forward to now. I realize she never saw the message and I saw yesterday at the mall again and we made eye contact. I added her on Facebook. How should message her now?

June 08, 2018

Ask to meet her at the mall, and explain to her what happened. That way you are face-to-face. It's always best to handle these types of matters in person.

My bf of two years was killed in a car crash. I'm not sure I could ever love anyone like that again. How do people get past this?

June 08, 2018

The best thing I can tell you is what a cousin of mine said when I lost my wife to cancer. There will be a large gaping hole in your heart that will never close, but you'll get used to the draft coming through it. Every love is different, so you probably won't have the same love for another person in the same way, but you can love someone else in time. Be patient with yourself.

People tell me that honesty is always the best policy. I'm not sure that's always true. You are a professional. What do you think?

June 08, 2018

Definitely not always. As an example, if someone is quite overweight and asks you how they look, it would not be cool to tell them, "Yes, you are very fat." Being dishonest to try to con someone is not a good policy, but being careful not to hurt someone sometimes requires little "white lies."

Can love really be measured by brain scans? That sounds like some kind of voodoo science. How does that work?

June 08, 2018

One cannot measure love directly because it's an abstract concept, but the reward circuit in the brain can be observed and quantified. The brain lights up when something pleasureful is introduced. So the effects of an object of love can definitely be seen.

My gf's family invited me to go on vacation with them this summer. I really love her but that seems like it takes us to a whole different level of commitment. Do I just go and figure it out as I go?

June 08, 2018

If it makes you uncomfortable, you shouldn't go. However, if you're willing to take a chance, it could work out well. It will give you an idea of how the two of you will get along in a more intense situation. You'll know better how to move forward one way or the other.

My idiot step father wants to press charges against my bf because he's 18 ½ and I'm only 17 !/2. I told him to stay out of it but he said he can file charges against him anyway because I'm a minor. I want to put the brakes on this whole mess.

June 08, 2018

At 17 1/2 I'm doubtful any law enforcement agency will pursue it even if he files. Obviously, he's trying to control you, and I'm guessing there are much deeper issues than just your boyfriend. Don't do anything because it will only provoke him.

I am an only child and so is one of my female friends. Our families do everything together. She's like a sister to me because we are so close. I think both of us have feelings for each other but are worried about ruining our friendship. How do we handle that?

June 08, 2018

The most solid romantic relationships often start with being really good friends first. If your friendship is that strong, it will only enhance your relationship. Relax and enjoy. If it's to be, you'll know soon enough.

The plan was that when we got engaged my bf's brother was going to move out. That was 3 months ago. His brother is still in our apartment. I've brought up the "deal" but my bf says just to give him more time. Grrrrrrr! Now what?

June 01, 2018

Have him define "more time." Insist that he keep to his word. Clearly, his brother has used up his welcome. You don't say if there are extenuating circumstances, so consider the whole picture before drawing a hard line.

My girlfriend recently found out who her birth mother is and that she's in jail. This has sent my gf into a tail spin and she can't talk or think about anyone else. I'm not sure how to help her.

June 01, 2018

You can't. You are not trained to handle that, and you are too close. The best thing you can do is to get her professional help. This is a traumatic experience for her and needs to be handled very delicately by someone who understands trauma.

Me and this other girl are both 22 and are partners. My parents are cool with the relationship but hers are not. Not sure what to do. Do you have any ideas?

June 01, 2018

Talk to a local LGBTQ organization. They have people who have been through your situation and will be able to give you first-hand perspective and advice. They are in the best position to help you.

My parent are getting a divorce. I'm 16. I'm worried this will happen to me in the future. Is there anything I can do so that I don't repeat their mistakes? I'm really upset.

June 01, 2018

Get some help from a professional so that you can examine the reasons your parents are divorcing from your perspective. This way you can avoid some things. This will help offset the fact that you are at higher risk because of your parents.

I really like this lady (we are both 24). I haven't had a lot of experience so I don't know what would be a good first date. I don't know whether I should do a movie or what. I'd like some guidance, please.

June 01, 2018

Don't do a movie. You'll spend almost two hours together with no interaction between you. Dinner and/or something fun to do together is a much better idea. I always encourage some activity that allows two people to continuously interact.

I heard pot gives you better orgasms. Is that true?

June 01, 2018

Actually, current research suggests that it's true. What happens is not that it actually is improved but rather that marijuana slows the perception of time down, so it seems like orgasms are lasting longer. Edibles seems to make it even last longer.

Dr. Andrew

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