Dr. Andrew

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Does it make me bi sexual if I have fantasies about a woman dominating me and using a strap on piece on me?

It doesn't make you anything. It's a fantasy, and fantasies are generally good things (with the exception of true violence). Experimenting with sex and your own sexual fantasies is perfectly normal. Don't judge yourself so harshly.

How do I get my husband to be more dominant in bed? he's very aggressive (in a good way) but I want to try some new things in bed and I'm not sure if he'd be into it?

One of the many things couples often need work on is communication about sex and intimacy. Each partner should feel free to express her or his desires. That's what intimacy is about. It doesn't mean either has to go along with something that they are not comfortable with, but it certainly can and should be discussed. That being said, many couples are very hesitant to talk about it for fear of rejection. Communication about intimacy brings both people much closer.

my husband watches horror movies on a regular basis. We've been married 2 yrs and I watch the movies with him, but I must admit that I'm TERRIFIED by these kinds of movies. I don't care if he continues to watch them ALONE, but how do I let him know that I don't want to watch them with him?

"I don't like watching horror movies. I have no problem with you watching them, but I'm not going to watch them with you." Speak up for yourself. Why would you think you need to watch something that terrifies you? You don't!!

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My best friend is male and he's very much into kinky stuff, which doesn't bother me, but lately that's all he's been talking about and it's kind of getting annoying. How do I get him to knock it off.

You can tell him how uncomfortable it makes you feel and that if he continues to talk about it, you're going to have to excuse yourself. Then follow through and walk away. No need to be in the presence of talk that makes you uncomfortable.

how do I get him to see my point of view? or am I the one over reacting? I'm just always concerned because I'm very fabulous (for lack of a better word) and my husband is very Macho with a deep manly voice (think Christopher Lee) so I feel like people judge him more than they do me

from previous answer-- Why does he need to see your point of view? Why can't you see his point of view? He's just being himself. Stop being so critical of both of you. Relax and enjoy life, give lots of hugs and high fives, and you'll live longer.

My bf (I'm gay btw) LOVES kids! He's great at playing and disciplining children the only thing is he's very affectionate towards everyone in general (hugs, high five, etc) and I'm a little concerned that someone may think it's inappropriate for him to be that way. He's naive so how do I get him to

Somehow I get the impression that you think that others think that a gay man hugging a child is a pedophile. Let him be himself, and you should be yourself. Hugs and high fives all around are a good thing. I'm not sure exactly what you feel is inappropriate, but there's nothing you've presented here other than a fun-loving, warm person.

I’ve tried asking him why they are doing it. He tells me its because they are jealous and not to worry about it. Should I just let it slide?

more from previous answer-- the fact that they may be jealous is and explanation, not an excuse. Their behavior needs to stop. You don't need to be subjected to it.

Me and this guy kind of like each other. We’ve been hanging out. The problem is his friends. They don’t like me and keep telling him shit about me that’s not true. He really doesn’t pay attention to it but it bugs me. I’d like to tell them off but I’m worried it will ruin our relationship.

Talk to your guy, and let him know how you feel if you haven't already. Let him know that either he can talk to them, or you can talk to them, or you both can talk to them, but they are going to be talked to. I would sit down and think about exactly what you would like to say, write it down, and then edit it. He probably doesn't want to confront them either, but that's no excuse for putting a stop to what's being said. It falls under harassment, and they need to know that.

I think its because their parents always let him get away with everything while they were super hard on my wife. How do I correct the situation without coming off as the jerk?

from the last question-- her brother is just following the script that his nuclear family has written for him. You need to be supportive of your wife. Clearly, from what you've said, they were harder on her and let him get away with too much. Let the rules come from both of you. Your wife may be hesitant because she was never supported at home, but this is the time for the two of you to stick together.

My wife’s younger brother comes over all the time and mooches off us especially on weekends. He just lays on the couch watching sports. He doesn’t clean up after himself. It bugs her too.

The two of you need to sit down with him and set very clear rules and boundaries. You can tell him that as much as you two enjoy having him around (maybe not so much), if he wants to keep coming, you need him to be responsible for cleaning up after himself. He's obviously been spoiled, and he needs to get over it.

If a woman breaks off an engagement should she give the ring back?

This question is answered pretty much straight down the gender line. Most males feel they should get the ring back, especially if the woman breaks it off. Most women feel it's a gift just like any other gift, and they have no obligation to give it back. I think it's a decision every woman in this situation is going to have to make for herself. To me it's like keeping wedding gifts from family and friends after you called off the wedding. I know I might get flak, but I truly feel the right thing to do would be to return the ring.

My sister says she’s perfectly fine letting my friend be the m-o-h if that’s what I want. What do you think I should do?

more on my previous answer. Tell your sister you love her for trying to take the pressure off of you, but you DEFINITELY want her as your maid of honor now more than ever.

My best friend is really pissed at me because I’m having my sister as my maid of honor. Now she’s saying she’s not even sure if she wants to be in my wedding. My feelings are really hurt because we’ve been friends since preschool and I really want her to be a part of this.

Simplest advice is you need to change best friends. A true best friend is one who supports you on any decisions you make about your wedding as to who gets what. I'm assuming you and your sister are close. It certainly is reasonable that she is your m-o-h. Definitely tell this girls how you feel about her putting that kind of pressure on you. Truly, if I were in your position, I would let her know that your sister is your m-o-h, and you have no problem with having her decline being a bridesmaid. Shame on her!

Me and my gf have been going on and off for 3 years. Every time we have a disagreement she says she is breaking up with me and then she comes back. I really like her but I’m getting tired of this routine but I don’t know what to do. I’m usually pretty calm but lately I’m starting to lose patience.

There can be a number of different reasons for her behavior ranging from a mood disorder to a learned behavior. It is going to take a professional to help you sort this out. Her outbursts will continue because at the very least what she has learned is that she can pull the tantrum, and you will still take her back. At some point you are going to have to draw a firm line, but definitely seek some help first before cutting everything off. Often times a good therapist can open someone's eyes.

A friend asked me to be a bridesmaid and I said yes. The problem is she is having a destination wedding at a island resort that’s way beyond anything I can afford. I don’t want to disappoint her so I don’t know what to do. Should I just borrow money from my parents and go anyway?

If you knew about the destination wedding before you said yes, then you've kind of put yourself in a bind. If the wedding is still far off, you may want to think about being honest with her. If she's a good friend, she will understand. If the wedding is already close, you're just going to have to figure out a way to go and learn from your mistake.

I told this guy I would go with him to the prom. I just found out he does a lot of weed. I really want to go to the prom and I turned down others because he asked me first but I don’t want to go with him. What do I do now?

You need to be true to yourself. You do need to consider how close to the prom this is. If he's already made arrangements and spent a lot of money, you should consider those in your decision. If it's still quite a ways away, that's different. You can certainly be honest with him and tell him it makes you very uncomfortable to be with him if he's going to use and ask him if he would respect your wishes for the evening. You will be faced with many more ethical dilemmas as you go through life. Always listen to your inner guardian angel.

Someone's trying to flirt wt me but he has a fucking girlfriend I dunno how could he do that. What am I supposed to do?

He can do that because he's a jerk, and I wouldn't hesitate to tell him that. Just think, if he's doing that to her, he's probably going to do it to you, too. He sees himself as a player, and he wants to use you as a pawn in his chess game, meaning you AND his gf are expendable.

What happens if I go to school every day and the same guy keeps coming in my personal space saying "I love you babe" and just generally flirting with me altogether I'm not uncomfortable but I just want to know if he likes me or not?

It certainly sounds like he's at least very interested. Flirt back!! Then you'll know what's going on. There is nothing wrong with being playful. Just enjoy the fun.

What do I do or say if a guy keeps flirting with me and saying "I love you" to me?

If it is making you feel uncomfortable, you need to tell him gently but firmly. You are not saying that you want it to stop, so are you clear in your mind what you want? If it keeps up after you talk to him, you need to tell someone that you are being harassed.

Our teenage kids (17 & 18) want all the details of our dating before we were married. What do you think should be the boundaries of information?

Give them the "surface" details and then just smile. They don't need to know all the intimate stuff. That should be just between the two of you. Let them keep wondering.

Maybe this is a little weird but I'll ask. My gf & me work out at this gym. When she gets warmed up she takes off her tee and just wears her sports bra. I don't know if anybody else looks but it freaks me out. She says it's no different than a bathing suit top. Am I being weird?

It really depends on what the "norm" is for the women at your gym. Many women today are more comfortable just wearing a sports bra for workouts. My own wife does that. In this day and age it is pretty much acceptable. You have to ask yourself why you are so freaked out. That may answer a lot of your question.

My bf's bff keeps hitting on me when my bf is t around. I'm scared to tell my bf because I don't know if he'll believe me. I was thinking about recording him but my bf's say its a bad idea. What can I do?

You need to have a serious discussion with your bf. You also need to send a VERY clear message to this other guy that you find his advances disgusting and want them stopped immediately.Your bf should talk to him as well. This guy is a sleez bag, and needs to be put in his place. I hope your bf drop kicks him out of your social circle. Remember, doing nothing will only encourage him. What's wrong with your relationship that you worry that your bf won't believe you? That's a whole other subject for discussion.

How can I tell if I'm bisexual?

There's really no specific test. Many people go through a sexual experimental phase. If you are interested in intimate relationships with both sexes on a regular basis, that should pretty well do it. If you are still confused, you may want to seek some counseling.

My mother keeps making comments about every girl I go out with. I'm at a community college and still live at home. I thought it would be ok to bring some dates to our family Sunday dinners but she keeps doing it. What do I say?

If you haven't already, you need to tell her how it makes you feel. Maybe what you need to do is not bring anyone home. When your mother asks why you are not bringing anyone, you can tell her. That may be the only way she gets the message that her behavior is unacceptable to you.


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