Dr. Andrew

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My grown children are really having trouble with me dating. My husband passed away about 6 months ago. They are saying it's too soon. Is there some "appropriate" time period?

No, there's not an "appropriate" time. It's totally individual. I think people think somewhere around a year, but it's totally up to the individual person.

If we're getting married should we still have separate bank accounts? We think we don't need it but friends are saying we should.

It's really up to the two of you. Many couples have separate accounts, and many couples don't . I't s just between the two of you. There is no right or wrong with this.

How do I get my bf to understand I'm not one of the guys and he needs to treat me like a lady?

Simply tell him that if he continues to treat you that way, the relationship is over. Demand better.

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How do people mix two religions when they want to get married? Both our families are upset with us.

When religious families get involved, it becomes difficult. Get some professional help with this so that the issue can be address in a sensible manner, and the two of you can move forward.

How do I get my bf to understand that lack of manners makes him look like a loser? He's not but it sure looks that way to others.

Lack of manners is a lack of class. Explain that to him. It will hinder him in life and in business. Try taking an etiquette class together.

Me and my bf want to get married. My parents don't like him so they are refusing to participate. What do we do?

If the two of you feel strongly, then you should go forward with your plans. The question you have to ask yourself is whether or not your parents are seeing something you are not.

I'm having a really hard time with my wife now telling me she also like women. Am I just being old fashioned? I don't know how to handle this.

You ABSOLUTELY need professional help with this one. There is no way you can handle this on your own. No, you're not just being old fashioned.

My bf says vaping is helping him quit smoking. I've shown him the research that it's dangerous but he says that's fake. What's the real story?

There is now VERY credible information and research that indicates vaping causes problem that no one every anticipated. My guess is that much more and much more serious information will be revealed.

Why do some couples stay together even when they know it's a bad relationship?

It's called a "habit." Change is hard for a lot of people, even when it should be obvious that change would be better. People would often just stay with the familiar rather than switch to the unknown.

How can you tell if someone really loves you? I'm worried that I'll wind up in the wrong relationship.

First, there's no sure fire way to know. People have tried to define what love is for as long as there have been people. Our app, Love Shopping List, is not a guarantee, but it will at least give you some idea about what's going on.

I found out this girl I took out is trans. I'm not sure what to do or how to handle it. I still really like her. I'm confused.

Be guided by you heart, but also educate yourself. You would benefit from talking to someone from the LGBTQ community. It's very hard to set aside old beliefs.

We are each other's wife. Why do some people have so much difficulty with that since we're not forcing it on anyone else or interfering in their lives?

There is still much prejudice in the world about a lot of issues, and homosexuality is no exception. Just know who you are, and stay the course. Just show them the wonderful people you both are.

Our son is 18. He went on a road trip with his gf and her mom and younger sister. We insisted he get a separate room. Are we being old fashioned?

On one hand, he's 18. On the other, you are still his parents. It's not a question of old fashioned. It's simply how the two of you feel about the situation. Keep in mind that whatever they are going to do they are going to do.

Me and my bf have been going out for 8 months. We are both comfortable with not messing around. Nobody believes us. Why can't people accept that it's our choice?

Because they are putting their own behaviors ahead of yours. In essence, they are comparing what they do/did. Just be comfortable with who the two of you are and what you want to do.

My gf says there's research to show vaping is bad. She said she can't be with me if I'm going to destroy myself. What's up with that?

First, she right about the research. Second, she's right about not wanting to be with you if you're going to destroy yourself.

My gf's mother had her when she was 15. They are both REALLY good looking and look like sisters. When we're all out together guys hit on her. It freaks me out. Do I defend her or what?

just be a spectator. I assure you, it's not the first time she's dealt with this. I think it's great. The benefit to you is (if you stay with her) this will be how your gf looks at that age. Awesome!!

My bf keeps looking around at other women when we go out. It really annoys me. He says it's not a big deal and that he's with me so why would I be jealous. I said it's a matter of respect. Am I being petty?

Here's a way to reframe. You may find it strange, but it works. Point out the women you think are good looking and ask him what he thinks.

My parents have said if I go out with anyone except from our culture they will disown me. There's a guy at school that I really like. I don't know what to do. I'm also very mad at them for putting me in this kind of position.

These are cross-cultural issues. Many cultures are fierce about wanting children to exclusively date and marry those of the same culture. You are going to have to think with your heart. Yes, it's unfair, but it's your reality.

My best friend keeps staring at my gf. He's never made a move but it makes her very uncomfortable. How should I address this?

Hey, Bro. My gf says you keep staring at her. Are you and, if so, what's up with that?

We are two gay men. We have a 6 year old son. We are trying to set up play dates but finding it difficult. Any suggestions?

The best advice I can give you is to seek out a local (or as close as possible) LGBTQ support group and seek the advice of others who have already experienced this. They will know best.
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Our 14 yo daughter is in a "relationship" with someone online who says he's 16. He says he lives about an hour away and she wants to meet him in person. What do we do?

You do a deep dive into this person by going to one of the sites that will perform a very thorough investigation. You will have all the information you need to make a parental judgement.
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How do you break up with a girl without hurting her feelings? I still like her but I don't want to go together.

Just be respectful. Breakups ALWAYS involve hurt feelings. It’s just a matter of how much.

Me and my gf have put on a few pounds. I never say anything to her about how she looks but she's starting telling me I'm fat. I feel like retaliating but IDK.

Explain what you are seeing and hearing then ask her why she does that. Many people criticize things in others that they really don’t like about themselves.

My husband's mother is a sloppy drunk. She has embarrassed us at events. I've tried to talk to him about it but he just says it's her problem. What can I do?

Tell him that either you talk to her together, or you will talk to her yourself. Your husband (and probably the rest of the family) is an enabler.

My bf want us to watch porn together. I'm not sure how I feel about doing that. Is it normal for couples to watch together?

It’s all up to the couples. Some do like watching it together. The adult film industry is huge for a reason.


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