Dr. Andrew

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I am a biracial 22 yo female. My bf is white. His parents fully accept me but he’s got an uncle who has made unbelievably racist comments like “she’s a half breed.” He didn’t say it to my face or my bf’s but it got back to us. He’s my bf’s father’s brother.

Your bf's parents are the ones that should have a talk with him first, and that should be followed up with the four of you telling him that he is welcome as long as he does not say such disrespectful things.

Unfortunately I can’t have kids because of a medical condition. Me and my husband are constantly being asked when we are going to start a family. We’ve just said we are not sure. It really hurts us but we don’t know how to respond.

Try being honest. If you are comfortable, explain that while you would have liked to start a family "we are not able to." BTW, if you really want a family, by all means consider adoption. There are many children out there who need a loving home.

I’m a 46 yo male, not married. People keep asking what’s wrong with me, like I’m gay or weird or what. I date but have not found anyone I’d really like to marry. Why do people think there HAS to be something wrong?

People put expectations on others all the time. There are lots of people who make the choice of not getting married. Hundreds, even thousands of years ago it was about survival of the species. Death rates were much higher so people needed to get married and have children to keep the bloodline alive. That's no longer necessary. As long as you are comfortable and happy that's all that matters.

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We have a very large family. Me and my third cousin have fallen in love with each other. We’re not sure if we should tell anyone and we’re not sure if this could mess up the genetics of a child. Can you please advise?

According to researchers, we are probably all cousins anyway. Anything beyond second cousins is deemed safe. As far as the family is concerned, it's not unusual for distant cousins to get together. I wouldn't worry that much about it.

I am a 23 yo female in a relationship with another female. My grandfather is in a nursing home for alzheimer’s. I never ever heard him criticize anyone but when we went to visit him he said really hurtful things to us. My parents said to ignore him because he’s not all there.

Regrettably, the disease robs people of who they are. Try remembering him how he was, never criticizing anyone. Although it's hard to ignore, you and your partner should not take it personally. The best thing to do for now is to go alone. Keep in mind the disease is progress, and there will come a time when he probably won't even recognize you. Sad but true.

I want to adopt a child. I'm currently single, but I am happy this way. My family and friends however think that I only want to adopt because I'm "feeling sad" and that I just need to find a good woman. Do they have a point? Ive pretty much always envisioned myself as a parent, but not a husband.

Your family and friends are not psychologists (or even if they are). They don't know what's going on inside your head. If you have any doubts about your motives, make an appointment with a professional. You also need to understand the awesome responsibility of being a parent before becoming one. Unfortunately, many do not.

My gf is from South America. Many women from there dress more openly than here in Canada. She gets grief and has comments made. I fell like telling these people off but my gf says she hears it all the time so just ignore it. What’s with this dress shaming shit?

Females are much more prone to being criticized for how they dress. While it is true that South American dress styles are more open than most in North America, it's just a difference in styles. Your gf sounds like she's got the whole thing under control. I would let her handle it. She's a confident person.

My wife wanted a dog so we compromised and we got a dog. Is this how it is for married couples?

Here's the best advice I can give you: Esposa felix, vida feliz (Spanish); Femme heureuse, la vie heureuse (French); Moglie felice, vita felice (Italian); Gluckliche Ehefrau; gluckliches Leben (German). Or if your prefer it in English- Happy wife, happy life :-)

My family found out that my girlfriend and myself are heavily involved in the BDSM lifestyle and now they're pretty much grilling me on how I'm living an impure life and how I need to see a therapist because only broken people engage in those practices and they insist that I break up with my gf.

I assume you want to know what to do. I would ask them how they found out, but more than that there are two ways to handle it. 1) Tell them it's none of their business. This will alienate you from them. 2) Tell them that you appreciate how much they care. Beyond that, if you are adults, you really don't need to explain anything.

How do I tell this girl I like her without telling her with words. I think woman have a different language and English doesn't cut it.

Try doing nice things. Find out what she' interested in, and then research it. A single rose is a nice gesture. Our first date was a very cold wintry night. I made sure I got a blanket out of my trunk without her asking. It's the little things, the considerate things that send the message. Oh yeah, and there's always chocolate :-)

My mom is a single mom. I’m 17. Here’s the problem. She is super critical of when I go out but she goes out with different guys 3-4 times a week. She’s even gone out with some married guys. We are a pretty small community so a lot of my classmates know what’s going on and make smiley comments.

Your mom is practicing the old "Do as I say and not as I do." You are too old for her to pull the "I'm an adult" crap. Just be respectful and tell her you would appreciate her not criticizing the guys you date. Don't compare yourself to her. You'll lose the argument. Be selective in who you date even if she doesn't . You are your own person. Clearly, she' looking for something she hasn't found. She needs help, but that shouldn't be your responsibility.

Me and this girl met online. She is from a country in Europe. We decided to meet in person so I flew over there. From my end we really hit it off. My friends say she’s just using me to come to the U.S. Now I have doubts if I’m doing the wrong thing. How should I deal with this?

Even though it's international, the first thing is to have her fully investigated so you are sure about her since you know so little. Your friends are trying to look out for you. As long as you do your due diligence, things may work out just fine. Let time take its course, and you will know whether it's real or fake. One of my patients had the exact same situation with a girl from Bosnia, and they are now happily married.

I’m devastated. I just found out that my wife has been seeing this other married guy. The problem is that our kids are friends. I worried about how I’ll handle this when we see each other.

You need a lot of help, professional help. You have a lot to sort out, e.g. staying together; how to handle seeing the other guy; etc. Don't do anything foolish that will only put the spotlight on your behavior. I don't know that your marriage is salvageable or even if you want to try, but you should see a professional relationship expert to sort it all out. Punching the guy out solves nothing and gets you in a shit load of trouble.

My grandma and my bf’s grandpa are dating!! It’s so cute. Some people in our families are weirded out. What do we say to everyone?

This is very simple. Don's say anything. Just SMILE!! It'll drive 'em nuts. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

Our daughter is going to marry this really rich guy. We don’t have the money for the kind of wedding his family I used to. I’m embarrassed but I don’t know what to do or say. I don’t want this to break us up. We haven’t talked to his parents yet because we don’t know how to approach this.

The best approach is honesty. Let you daughter know what you can afford. Nowadays parents of potential mates even get together and discuss the whole situation. While it used to be that the bride's parents paid for the wedding (or in some cultures the groom's parents pay), it's more common now for parents to split the cost. Then again, many couples now pay for their own weddings without burdening their parents.

I just found out that my bf did a whole investigation of me. I’m am beyond pissed. Where’s the trust? Why would he do that? My friends say I need to break up with him but IDK.

Actually in this day and age I think it's a really good thing, AND I think you should do the same with him. He did a whole investigation on you, AND he's still with you. That's a great thing. It erases even any little doubt he may have had. Turn your thinking around, and look at it as a positive, not a negative.

I don’t know what to do. Me and my gf (we r both 23) want to get married. We both talked about having a family and agreed. Now when I’m asking her to marry me all of a sudden she’s saying she doesn’t want any kids. I don’t know where this came from. Now what?

It's hard to know why she changed her mind. Is she scared? Has something medically happened to her? There could be lots of reasons. Since this is a huge issue in your relationship, it's best to get some professional help. This is probably a make it or break it issue in your relationship.

I am NOT a sports fan but my bf is. He and his buds are always watching or going to events. Some of the other women watch too but I have no interest. It seems like I’m isolating myself. Do I just sit there with them or what?

Not everyone is a sports fan. That's true. However, you can still be social, because if you don't, yes, you are isolating yourself. It sounds like sports is a big part of his social circle. You don't say what you do or who your friends are. If you would like to keep him as a bf, try to educate yourself about the sports. You just may surprise yourself. It's actually fun!

Me and my wife are starting to explore kinks and fetishes. So far we've had a great time, however she wants to try putting a chastity device on me and I'm kind of uncomfortable with that idea. She says I'll have to wear it for a few weeks and then shell wear one, but I think she's lying about that.

It's got to work for both of you. Neither of you should ask the other to do something that's uncomfortable for the other. It's one thing to explore, but not to the point of being uncomfortable

recently I've had an urge to hire a dominatrix to degrade me (verbally). Everyone is just so nice to me all the time, I'm thankful, but sometimes I just want someone to be angry or express some kind of emotion around me, I feel like I'm surrounded by zombies or something!

why do you want to be degraded? There's something in your behavior that indicates a past trauma. You may or may not have identified it, but until it's addressed, you'll continue to seek out negativity. A little S&M is stimulating for some, but being degraded is a sign that something is not right. Please, get some help.

My bf is gianing weight. he's still thinner than me, but I'm concerned that something's going on with him. He seems ok, but usually he's all about fitness and eating healthy, and recently he's been skipping workouts and he's been eating all kinds of junk. He won't even go to the gym with me anymore.

You have a right to be concerned. Anytime anyone's behavior changes significantly, it's a good idea to try to find out why. The first thing that comes to mind is some form of depression. He may need some professional help but too proud to seek it out. Encourage him to get help, and tell him you are concerned and that you care enough about him to want him to be ok

Me and my ex were married when we were 19 and divorced when we were 20. We been divorced for 2 years. Now I think I’m in love with him again. Neither of us is going with anybody. How can I be sure? I don’t want to go through the pain again.

Both of you need to take a step back and assess what you really want in a relationship. You might try our relationship app, Love Shopping List, which is designed to help you understand what you really want in a relationship. You may find that whatever broke you up is not as important as what brought the two of you together.

My sister is dating this really wonderful woman. I’m cool with it but my wife is not. I’m really being torn. My wife does not want them over the house. I never saw this coming. Uh oh! I think this could really end my marriage. What do I do now?

What is it about this women that your wife doesn't like, or is it just that she doesn't want to be around a lesbian relationship. That doesn't say much about her judgment, and maybe it's something you didn't know about. Some people are against homosexual relationships for religious reasons. Since I don't know why you wife is doing this, I would suggest getting professional help. You should not have to choose.

I was devastated when this guy posted pics of me really drunk and half naked on New Years. WTF? Where does he get off? I want to retaliate but IDK if that’s a good idea. Should I just let it go or what?

Hmmm??? Let's start with the fact that you were "really drunk" and go from there. He wa absolutely wrong. Consider that if you start to retaliate, it only lengthens the time it takes for everyone to forget. is that really what you want?


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