Dr. Andrew

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My husband is in law enforcement and his partner is a really good looking female. I’m having a lot of trouble with that even though he tells me I’m his woman. Any suggestions?

Until proven otherwise, you have to learn to trust him. I know this can be difficult, and you may need some professional help, but know that your husband's life is going to be in his partner's hands at some point. Yes, there are male-female partnerships that turn romantic, but the vast majority of law enforcement people are very professional and take their jobs very seriously.

This is going to sound silly, but how do I get guys to stop staring at my boobs? I’m big, but I don’t wear anything low cut.

As a male, I can only give you advice that I've heard from females. If you are talking to a male, just stop talking. When he looks up, just smile but don't talk for a few seconds. You can then ask, "How do they look?" I know that the feminists may not like this and think that the males should be lectured, but handling it the way I described evidently works better. One of the best tee shirts I've seen a female wear had an eye over each breast and said, "I prefer eye to eye contact, so I thought this would help you." :-)

We’ve been married for just a year. I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married. Now what? Should I get rid of him?

You are married now, and if you have to decide if you still love him despite the pain. You both need to be in the hands of a therapist that deals with couples. Even though he might say that it was BEFORE you were married, it was still a breach of trust and puts doubts in you mind. Don't sweep your feelings under the rug. They will only come back worse later.

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How can I keep my bff from making the same mistakes over and over again dating guys? We’re both 20 & she’s been doing this since we were 14.

Some people don't like to be told, so tell your bff that you found a new app she might like. It's our app, Love Shopping List, and it's free! It's been designed to do exactly what you are asking for - stop people from making mistakes. Do the app together with her so she doesn't feel you pushed it on her. If she's honest with herself, she will finally get it. Insanity- Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results - Albert Einstein

We’ve only been going together for 3 weeks, but I want to do something nice for my girlfriend. BTW we r both seniors in high school. Is it too early?

It's never too early to do something nice, especially for a girlfriend. It doesn't have to even be expensive or elaborate. Unlike two previous questions tonight about girls who were upset with their boyfriend's for not expressing emotions, you have obviously had good lessons in how to be in a relationship. Even a simple card with a flower or chocolate kiss attached will be very well received. That's being a "real" man, not someone who worries about how your tender side will come across. C'mon, Ladies! Tell him he is doing the right thing!!

Should I tell my best friend his girlfriend is cheating on him?

You are not the first person to ever ask that question, and I always respond with this question, "If your girlfriend were cheating on you, and your best friend knew, would you want him to tell you?" You, of course, know she will deny it first, but that's okay. Just make sure your information is correct and not just something you heard in a rumor. Keep in mind that even with accurate information he may not want to hear it. That's called traveling up that famous Egyptian river - Denial. Take care of friends. Most often they are their through any number of girlfriends, and you'll need them for support.

My best gf’s bf is abusive to her. Do I get involved?

Best friends don't let best friends be abused. The right thing to do is to get involved, but it can backfire. A few Thursday's ago I mentioned that I went through that myself. My best friend's gf was extremely abusive to him. He was supposed to be my best man at our wedding. I intervened by telling her that she was abusive to him and would she please stop (okay, so I didn't say please). I got a letter that neither of them were going to attend our wedding. He divorced her after a few years, and he and I got back together after about ten years. He asked me why I didn't just smack him upside his head and knock some sense into him. I told him I would have if I had thought it would help. He told me he was glad that I tried to stop the abuse. Best friends don't let best friends be abused, and you are a true best friend.

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I'm a 15 year old girl and I'm dating a 15 year old boy. he's realy tall and im shorter than him. we've been dating for about a week or so and we do anything. he never gives me compliments, he never calls me babe or baby, and last but not least he never kisses me. can you give me some advice?

Someone asked a similar question a few minutes ago. Males, especially young ones, do not do a good job of treating girlfriends unless they have been taught. Even then at your age they have pressure to be manly and macho. Since you've only been going together for about a week, you need to give things a bit more time. If you are still facing the same thing in, let's say, three more weeks, then you need to have a talk with him but not blame or shame him. You need to tell him your feelings and what you would like. Even at 15, communication is the key to a good relationship. Be patient.

My bestfriend had sex with her boyfriend and she's 14 they have been dating for 7 months is that bad? What are your thoughts ?

It really isn't a question of being good or bad. I'm much more concerned about the long-term emotional effects on both, but particularly your girlfriend, and whether they are having safe sex. The fact that they have been dating for 7 months really doesn't matter. Having sex, making love, being intimate, or whatever else anyone call it is a very big responsibility. Most 14 year olds are not prepared to handle that much with everything else going on at that age, but many feel social pressure. Each of us makes choices, and we are responsible for the choices we make and the consequences of those choices.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 8 months and has never said I love you but I feel like I do love him he's my everything how do I tell him?

Sometimes males have a difficult time expressing emotions, especially when the emotions are about love. Depending on the male role model he had, he may not know how to express love in words, or even to really show his true feelings. You can ask him, but do it without shame or blame. "I can feel how you feel about me, and I'd just love to hear it, too." Try that, and be sure to be supportive and thank him when he does. Many years ago in the movie "Ghost" Demi Moore's character says to Patrick Swayze's character, "I love you," but all he says back is, "Ditto." (BTW, also stars Whoopi Goldberg. Great flick!) It's much harder for a guy to express it, but once we feel safe, we do a much better job.

My girlfriend is using Facebook like a dating service but I don't see her finding the right guy. Is there a better way?

Facebook is good for finding out information, but it won't help to find out if a relationship meets her needs. BTW, if she's your gf, why is she still fishing in Facebook for the right guy. Are you not the right guy? Very confusing. Doesn't sound like a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship to me unless you're looking to make it a threesome.

I’ve been going with this girl for about 3 weeks. When should I start thinking it’s serious?

The time is not as important as knowing that she meets your needs. Our app, Love Shopping List, was designed to do just that, to help you rate your relationship to see if she meets your criteria. Sometimes it takes a while and sometimes it doesn't. My wife and I knew after a week, and we've been married for 44 years. But that doesn't mean everyone should do that. Don't push it. Relax and enjoy the ride.
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My bf keeps pushing me to have sex. He says there are no virgins at 17. Is this true?

Wow! Tell him to get some new lines. That's one of the oldest ones in the book. Of course, there are virgins at that age. He is pressuring you. You have to send a very clear message that no means no and doesn't mean maybe. Shame on him for pressuring you. If he continues, drop him.

I’m 12 but I look like I’m 18. I’m scared when guys come up to me. Help!

I can understand why you would be scared. People expect you to act older because you look older. Without sounding like I'm putting you down, you can't think like an 18 year old because you are only twelve, so don't put those expectations on yourself. The attention is flattering, but you need to let them know you are uncomfortable. But do it in a nice way. "Thank you for (your compliment or attention or whatever). I'm flattered but at twelve I'm not ready to date." You will get a shocked look, but it will set a boundary for you without feeling awkward.
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Whats up with skanky women?

Interesting. Most guys want to get laid, but they want to marry virgins. There's something about the math that doesn't add up. Unfortunately, there is still a marked difference on which gender can do what. Men are applauded for "sowing their wild oats," while woman are called skanks (BTW, I haven't heard that term for about three decades. It sound like you've been hanging around too many male chauvinist pigs, which is a term from about the same era). If you don't care for what they are doing, just don't put yourself around them.

When is a good time to introduce my gf to my family?

It really depends on your family. Some families don't want anybody coming into a family setting unless it's really serious, while others are comfortable with anyone you might bring home. Ask them if they would like to meet her. Their response just may surprise you in a good way.

My mom is dating my gf’s father. That’s really awkward. How should I handle it?

Let them do their thing. You don't need to handle anything. If you are trying to be the "man of the house," don't do that. Just be you, and let your mother be herself. I would switch your thoughts that it is interesting rather than awkward, unless, of course, there has truly been something awkward, but it might have the potential to work out much better than you could have imagined. I certainly understand why you would think it's awkward because, even though they aren't married, it's like dating your stepsister. I suggest that the four of you sit down to discuss it and give everyone an opportunity to talk about how they feel.
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My new gf is giving out mixed signals. Should I just ask her what's up?

Communication is a key to good relationships. You don't describe what these mixed messages involve, so a bit more information would be helpful in being able to give you some guidance. In the meantime, yes, you should ask her by telling her you are confused. If the relationship means a lot to you, do handle it calmly and without accusations and blame. That will backfire on you.
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How far should you go on the first date?

Each person has her or his own comfort zone in response to this question. There is no hard and fast rule that answers the question. From your question it sounds like you haven't had a lot of dating experience, and that's okay. Don't be pushed into something for which you weren't prepared. You have to respect yourself if you want others to. I don't like to see anyone get hurt when dating, so I always advise taking it slowly until you really know a person, but that's just me having worked with a lot of people who have been hurt.

Should I date one of my followers on Twitter? It seems that he is really hot for me.

The fact that this person is following you is really not an issue. What is much more important is what you know about him. The last thing you need is some wack job doing cyberstalking. Once you feel comfortable, you can get together casually. Make sure you are doing things at a pace you are comfortable with. Try engaging him with some tweets and see how he responds. You'll gain a lot of knowledge from his responses.

I’m really interested in this guy but its like he doesn’t know I exist. How can I get him without going to the cheap side?

Find out what his interests are and then talk to him about them. If you go the cheap route, you are setting yourself up to get hurt, and you are sending messages that go out everywhere. Just find out what he likes and dislikes. That should be relatively easy to do in the digital age. Be a friend first. Don't sell yourself out just to go after him.

My mother looks like my sister. When we go out together guys my age hit on both of us. It’s embarrassing to me but she thinks it’s funny. What do I do?

Well, it is funny, but I can certainly understand your upset. It's great for your mother's ego, and it sounds like the two of you are close. As long as she doesn't act in a manner that is inappropriate for a parent figure, enjoy it. If you look that much alike, that means you have her genes, and you will have the same thing happen to you. Have fun and play with it. Can you imagine what will go through the guys minds when they find out she's your mother?

What are the things you want to avoid in a relationship?

The number one thing to avoid in a relationship is dishonesty. Once that is breached, it's very hard to put things back together. It's like shattering a beautiful piece of art and then trying to superglue it back together. It's never quite the same. Included in honesty is communication and exploration of each other's needs.

What is love drunk?

There's an old song entitled "Love Potion Number Nine". Love stimulates the pleasure center of t the brain and it's circuitry in a way that nothing else does. Love drunk is a state where all you brain wiring and brain chemicals are working overtime, and you are in a wonderful state of nirvana. Check out the lyrics to the song, and it will all make sense.

When can I be 100% about my relationship?

You can never be 100%, but you can get reasonably close by being careful about the choices you make. Our app, Love Shopping List, helps you do that. Remember you are only one side of the equation, so no matter what, you are 50% at best.


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