Dr. Andrew

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I just found out my bf's father is in jail for attempted murder. This scares me to the point I don't know if I should keep him as a bf. Is this a genetic thing?

I really can’t address this since I don’t know the circumstances. There are dozens of reasons, but genetics is certainly the least of them.

I just found out my this girl I've gone out with parents are two women. I don't know how to handle that. What would you suggest?

You should seek some short-term therapy to deal with your concerns of homophobia. Evaluate the person you are dating. Her parents are probably wonderful.

My husband insists on playing golf with his buddies every Saturday and Sunday. I've tried to tell him how that's not fair but he won't listen. We've only been married 2 years but I'm not sure I can take it anymore. Am I being selfish?

No, your husband is being selfish. He has not made the correct transition from bachelorhood to husbandhood. Time for some professional help.

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How soon after a break up should a person wait to date? My friends say I'm dating too soon.

There is no "right" amount of time. It depends on the individual. It also depends upon the depth of the relationship. The deeper the relationship, the deeper the wound from the break up. Only time will tell.

Why does the Love Shopping List app only use 15 items when all the big sites use hundreds? Can it be accurate?

Research has shown that anything more than 15 is actually a waste of time. Yes. Love Shopping List is very accurate.

How should I tell this guy I've been dating that I'm now more interested in females? I don't want to hurt him.

No matter what you do it will hurt. Whether it hurts more than a "normal" break up is up to how you handle it. Just be truthful.

This guy I've been dating is perfect in every way except he smokes. It's a real turnoff to me. He tries to hide it but I can always tell. Is this something worth breaking up over?

I consider smoking an "A" list eliminator. It sounds like you feel the same way. The "except" in your statement indicates he's not the right one for you unless he changes his ways.

Our friend thinks it's perfectly ok for her husband to go out to a booty bar with the guys. They never do anything really. I think she's a whack job. What do you think?

I think it's a matter between them. My opinion doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what they or you and your partner agree to. No judgement.

My gf never contributes when we go out. She is wonderful in all other ways. How do I approach this? I'm beginning to get resentful.

You have to have an open, honest discussion about it. Otherwise, the resentment will build. Don't let that happen.

My parents gave us $20K for our wedding. Now they're saying they should have a say so. We feel like giving them the money back. We don't get it. His family did the same and don't try to tell us how to do anything. Ideas please?

Either it was an unconditional gift, or it wasn't. Ask them. If it was unconditional, you should be able to do with it what you want. If it came with strings attached, give it back. Otherwise, you will fight this battle again.

My gf had too much to drink at this party. I went upstairs to find her and found her in bed passed out with this other guy. They were fully clothes and she said nothing happened but IDK. I'm pissed. How should I handle this?

If they were fully dressed, and she says nothing happened, you're either going to have to believe her, or you're going to have to break it off. You will never really know. They may have both just passed out. The bigger issue is that she drank that much.

Where does it say that guys are always supposed to pay when going out? Not fair.

It doesn't say so anywhere, but most women go by tradition when it comes to going out ... at least for the first several dates.

We've been married 2 years. I've tried to up my husband's clothes game, but he resists. People judge people by their clothes. How can I get him to listen?

If you're coming at it from a critical standpoint, he'll resist. Tell him you want others to look at him with same degree of respect that you do, and clothes help that.

I am a 21 yo female. I like going out with both sexes. Why does that intimidate guys more than girls?

Guys are usually much more scared of having their manliness questioned. It's a guy thing ... unless you're gay.

My gf lies about little things that have no bearing on us. That I know of she always tells the truth about big things. What's up with that?

That's something to discuss in therapy. There is clearly something in her past that leads her to do it. It's buried deep insider her and will take expertise to bring it out.

I'm totally shaken. My gf's mother just hit on me. Do I tell my gf or what? No cool!

Absolutely, you tell her. You want to get ahead of anything her mother might tell her (if she hasn't already). If her judgement is that bad, she may turn around and tell her daughter that you hit on her.

Why can't my gf just let me dress the way I want? Why does she always have to tell me what I should be wearing? Is this a female thing or what?

Often times (big generalization here) woman are much more clothes conscious than men. She wants her man to look good. If you want to be happy, stop fighting it!!

How do you know when a relationship is really over?

There are not solid markers. There are just words from your heart if you listen closely. Sometimes they are shouted out, and sometimes they are whispered.

My bf's daughter lives with her mom. He fully supports both of them. His daughter never calls, sends thank yous or anything else to acknowledge him. It hurts me to see him not be appreciated. This has gone on for the two years we've been together. Do I say something?

Unless it directly affects you, I would suggest just supporting his decisions. Otherwise, you might become a target.

I've been a fool, giving all my efforts knowing that he doesn't even appreciate it. He doesn't even care about my feelings towards him.

Sometimes we want a relationship much more than the other person. When we realize that, it hurts. You'll get over it but not after a pain that will be there for a while. Don't let this ruin any future relationships.

Is it true that if you get married in your early 20's now that it won't last?

No, it's not automatic. That probably came from someone who got married in THEIR early 20's and got divorced. Many couples get married early and do just fine. Just depends on the two people.

Me and my roommate just found out that we are dating the same girl. WTF? We've both been out with her twice. She had to know. We've been laughing about it. Do we just both keep dating her, stop dating her or what?

Wow! Probably not a good idea for you both to keep going out with her. You'll be putting your friendship at risk no matter how hard you try to avoid it.

My bf had my parents over for dinner. I thought he did a good job. My mother as usual had criticisms. My bf didn't say anything until my parents left. He said he will never have them over again. How do I handle this?

There's really nothing to handle. I wouldn't ever have them over again either. Kudos to him for not taking the disrespect.

My bf is a really neat guy except he's homophobic. This REALLY bothers me. I've tried talking to him about this but he just blows me off. I'm not sure I can stay with him unless he changes. What should I do?

This is what I call an "A" list item. That means there are certain characteristics that are beyond your compromising. He's not leaving you with much choice if he continues his beliefs.

I wanted to introduce my bf to my parents. I'm white and he's AA. I never mentioned this to them because I never even thought about it. They came into the restaurant and as soon as my dad saw him they turned around and left. I've tried calling but they won't answer. My bf has been really cool abo

Good for your bf. Unfortunately, you now understand things about your parents you never realized. Time for a REAL discussion with them.


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