Dr. Andrew

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Is it possible to be really in love with two people at the same time? Both of these guys are like a perfect match for me. I even tried using your app and they scored almost identical. Now what? How do I decide?

When you picture your life without one of them, with whom are you more upset? If you think long term and not just what's involved today, e.g. family, children, etc., the decision will come to you. To answer your question, yes, it's certainly possible to love two other people deeply. Be patient.

This guy is perfect except for one thing. He’s got a really high pitched voice. On the phone people even say things like yes ma’am. He really is great every other way but I’m having trouble getting past his voice. What should I do?

You need to decide if this is really high on your priority list. Are you bothered, or are you more concerned about what others think? In any event, I might also suggest that he see an ear, nose, and throat doc, as there may be something going on with his vocal cords. If he is really secure, it probably doesn't bother him.

My gf’s bff is such a bitch. She does everything she can to break us up. I’ve complained to my gf, but she just laughs and tells me to ignore it. Should I?

It doesn't sound like your gf is the least bit fazed by what her friend says. I'm guessing her friend is jealous of the relationship the two of you have. That's probably at the basis of her behavior. You could certainly get in her face about it, but why waste your energy if it isn't affecting your relationship. The "shrink" thing to do would be to tell her how you feel, but, again, it's just a waste of time and energy that could best be put into your relationship.

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I told my girlfriend that I will be moving away in October a while back and recently while I was talking to her, everything was fine until she said "I was going to break up with you before you leave but now I don't want to anymore, you are too special to me." I'm hurt and speechless. What do I do?

Sounds like she has had a change of heart. Yes, she was foolish in telling you what she did, but it seems that her heart is in the right place. It may have been hurtful to hear, but at least you know she's honest. The only question is if you still have the strong feelings. If you do, then go for it. The results may surprise you.

This is delusional I know, but how do I become more important to a mistress? How can I become essentially her booty call haha

You don't say if she's your mistress. If that's the case, then why are doing things that would potentially hurt someone else?

In my 20s I used to see a dominatrix.When I got to 35 I had a talk with her and explained that I wanted to live a vanilla lifestyle. 5yrs later she emails me saying to make love 2 her just once or else she'll "ruin my family" Do I call the police or just email her back saying to buzz off?

First, you need to tell your wife. Then the two of you need to go to the police. She is harassing you, and that is illegal. It may be embarrassing to do, but it's much less embarrassing that what she has the potential to do.

My cousin is obsessed w/ mind control. He recently found these fem dom videos online and he's been watching em 4 a month straight. Hes convinced that he has been brainwashed and he is actually different than his normal self. is erotic mind control possible? it's worth noting that hes VERY gullible.

He has been seduced into the fantasy world. Let him have his jollies as long as it does not hurt anyone. Unless he is truly disturbed, he will get over it at some point. You even said he is gullible.

My ex is on me about taking down all sorts of things I had posted when we were together. There’s a lot that yeah has him in pics but also has other friends. Who is right?

In general it's probably a good idea to remove old flings from the "picture." It comes across as a psychological invasion. A photographer friend had a beautiful picture of a female booty. It truly was a classy shot. The problem was that it was one of his old gf's. He wife insisted it come down. Let her have this one.

My gf is always on me about the time I spend with my friends. It’s not like I don’t give her plenty of time and attention. I spend about 3-4 hours a week with my buds and an occasional golf game, but that’s all. What do I say to her to get her off my back?

You can try explaining yourself without getting upset by telling her that she means a lot to you and you would like to compromise. Explain that you are okay with her not being a sports nut and enjoy doing things with you guy friends, but you are, so how can the two of you compromise so you are both happy.

Is there an easy way to approach my girlfriend’s father about marrying her? I want to be totally respectful but don’t really know what to do and don’t have anyone to ask.

There really is no easy way. Even under the best of circumstances you will have sweaty palms and a lump in your throat. It's okay. She's worth it. Just remember that it's wonderfully respectful to ask BOTH parents for their daughter's hand in marriage. Shows a lot of class

My best friend of 7 yrs recently revealed himself to be gay. it really wasn't a shocker, but my problem with him now is his total disrespect 4 women. Oddly enough he uses women for oral sex because his BF isnt into that, but he says "thats all women R good 4" How do I show him how ignorant he is?

Your friend is very confused at this point. My suggestion is that you distance yourself from him for a while, but first explain that it's not because he is gay. It's because he is disrespectful of women. He really needs to know that what he is saying bothers you.

My best friend of 7 yrs recently revealed himself to be gay. it really wasn't a shocker, but my problem with him now is his total disrespect 4 women. Oddly enough he uses women for oral sex because his BF isnt into that, but he says "thats all women R good 4" How do I show him how ignorant he is?

Your friend sounds very confused. At this point there is probably nothing you can do to "show" him anything since he seems to have all the answers. It also sounds like you need to distance yourself from him for a while, but you also need to explain that it's not because he's gay. It's because he is disrespectful of women.

Does an engagement ring always have to be a diamond?

Ever hear the expression, "Diamonds are a girl's best friend?" A diamond is traditional but no always the choice. In this day and age it should be something that you discuss as a couple. Some women are more comfortable with a different stone. Remember, she has to wear it for a very long time (hopefully).

My gf is perfect in all ways except one. She is a horrible cook. BUT she always wants to cook for me. I’ve tried just sucking it up and eating what she makes, but it’s really hard. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. What do I do?

This question has come up before. I always suggest taking cooking classes TOGETHER. That way it doesn't seem as if you are criticizing. Often times males and females assume that females are good cooks. It doesn't work that way. It's a skill like any other skill and can easily be learned. Just make sure to compliment her whenever she makes something good.

Is there any way to get my daughter to see she is making a huge mistake by marrying this guy? I just know it’s not going to end well and I’m trying to save her the pain. There are things I found out about him that she doesn’t know.

It's wonderful that you want to protect your daughter, but I doubt she will just take what you say as the truth. You might try sitting down with her and explaining that "things" have been brought to your attention, and you wanted her to have the information. Explain that you did not ask for the information. It was given to you and you are just passing it on for her to do whatever she wants. People are often blind in relationships and need answers just laid in front of them so they can "discover" them on their own. No good parent wants to see a child hurt, but we all have to respect any decision our adult children make, and that's often very hard to do.

Our daughter-in-law excludes us from everything. We don’t ever get invited. I’ve tried talking to our son but he says there’s nothing he can do. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable but if he won’t do anything, I think I should. My husband says it will just create a bigger wall. What do I say?

You are understandably hurt. It sounds like the old saying, "A daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life. A son is a son until he takes a wife." If you have a good relationship with your son, you might try talking to him without blaming his wife because he will probably support her. If he is as frustrated as you, they have trouble in their marriage. Be very gentle in approaching the subject, but it's okay to speak up.

My bf’s older brother is a white supremist. My bf says not to judge him by his brother but its hard. I really feel like telling the guy off but I’m worried it will create problems for me and my bf. Do I say something when the guys starts talking shit?

There are obviously family dynamics at play here. Ask your bf what his parents think. If they don't like the brother's actions, then you are dealing with a sicko. On the other hand, they may be part of the problem. Tread lightly. You and your bf may want to go talk to a counselor to figure what strategy best fits your relationship. Just remember ... Ya can't fix stupid.

I’m a really light skinned AA. My bf’s family was okay until they found out my background. I’m trying to be patient but it sucks. Any ideas to get us through this? My bf is totally supportive of me with whatever I want to do.

This is a matter of educating them. Just keep doing what you've been doing since they seemed to have liked it. At some point they will realize you are one in the same person, regardless of your skin. No doubt there is some not-so-hidden racism going on, but I doubt confronting it in a hostile fashion will accomplish much. You have every right to feel hurt and angry, but those won't necessarily be productive. Ignorance is best fought through education.

Why is it okay for females to go nuts over hot guys in the World Cup but the minute a guy says something about females we are all pigs? Seems like there’s a double standard.

Interesting, huh? This is probably because when women do it, they tend to do it with class (at least most). When men do it, they tend to be a bit piggy about it, often making lewd comments (not all). There will always be a double standard in a lot of things, and this is probably one of them.

My bf’s mother has gone a little overboard involving me in everything. It’s like she already considers my her daughter in law. Do I say something or just let it go?

Embrace it. It is much worse the other way. Trust me when I tell you there are so many mol's that don't include. It may be a pain, but it's much better than the other way.

I've been talking with my ex for a while and I asked her if the love she had for me came back and she said a little, so I was wondering what else should I do to make her love me again. I really love her and I want her back.

You can't make someone love you. If she doesn't love you for who you are, then don't subject yourself to her actions. Show some self respect

Well my ex has been dating a guy for about a few days and he doesn't even see her and my ex says that she misses me And she will take me back one day but whenever I text her she doesn't answer them or read them, I feel like she ignoring me and she said she would take me Back. I need help.

What you need is to set a boundary. She clearly wants to hedge her bets and play both of you. As the saying goes, she wants her cake and to eat it, too. If you feel strong enough, you can let her know that she has to make a decision and stick with it. That being said, I would really cut her loose. She obviously doesn't have a big commitment to you or else you wouldn't be going through this. You are not some puppy dog that she can just play with and then ignore when she wants to ... unless you let yourself be used.

Is there such a thing as too much sex?

It depends on whom you ask. Yes, there really is such a thing a a sex addiction, and it causes as much disruption in the lives of those addicted as any drug that's out there. If you are just talking about casual sex, then it's just about what two people feel most comfortable doing.

My bf is a sports fan on steroids. Whenever there is any kind of a game on, he doesn’t pay any attention to me. All he can talk about now is the World Cup. It’s getting really annoying. Do I just ignore it? He always says it’s just a few hours so what’s the big deal?

If he's a good guy in all the other ways that you need, then why not let him have his boy fun for a few hours. People who are not sports fans don't understand. Another suggestion would be to join him. I've yet to come across a person who has been taken to a live event who doesn't come away having had a lot of fun. There's a great book out called "Sports Fan 101." Try reading it, and you'll understand.

I caught our 17 yo son and his girlfriend watching porn (it’s not ours). We came back early from a weekend getaway and they were on the couch together. I don’t think we, especially my husband, handled it too well. What do other parents do?

Tell your husband to take a chip pill and sit down with your son for a teachable moment. It's a great opportunity to discuss intimacy versus sex. It's also a great opportunity for him to explain what being a man in a relationship really means.


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