Dr. Andrew

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Me and my bf have been “an item” since kindergarten. We both just graduated high school. People are telling us we need to date other people. We’re not sure what to do. Neither of us wants to date anyone else. We have never had even one serious fight (really never). Are they right?

You don’t “need” to do anything you don’t want to. Your relationship sounds like a great thing. You don’t necessarily need to date other people just to appreciate what a wonderful bond the two of you have. Enjoy your time together.

This guy I’ve been dating stealthed me. I’m on the pill so I’m not worried about getting pregnant, but I’m pissed. He just laughed and said I was making to big a deal out of it. Is he right?

Hell, no, he’s not right. He’s a low life scumbag who has no respect for you or probably any other woman. You need to get out of the relationship as quickly as possible. You also need to go to the doctor and get checked out in case he also passed something along to you. Shame on him.

Our mom is dating a much younger guy. This creeps all of the family out since the guy is our age. We’re worried she’s going to get hurt. How do we check him out?

There are many online services that can do thorough background checks. If you are really worried, retain a private investigator. You’ll all know soon enough if the guy is legit. As far as the “creep” factor, Your mom is an adult. If she’s having fun and is happy, AND the guy checks out. Just deal with it.

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Me and my bf broke up for about 4 months then got back together. During that time I got on some dating sites. When we got back together I forgot to delete one of them. Somebody contacted me and now mob bf has accused me of cheating on him. I’ve tried explaining. Now what?

All you can do is to explain exactly what you explained in your question. Appeal to his logic. Why would you eliminate all but one? Some may say get rid of him since he doesn’t trust you. If you want it to work, let him have his feelings as long as he’s not abusive. If he really cares about you, he’ll come around.

never thought i'd experience this but my bestfriend flirted my guy and she said sorry but they're still together. my bf and i were together for almost 2 years.

You will find that after you meet someone who has real love for you that the pain of this experience will fade away. Wish them well and move on. You will have better friends and lovers.

My gf has put on some weight. It doesn’t bother me but it REALLY bothers her. I told her I think she is beautiful no matter what. Now she’s mad at me for not telling her the truth. WTF? What can I do or say now?

Your gf is very insecure about herself. She’s looking for a fight because she’s upset … with herself. Don’t take the bait. Just tell her the most important thing to you is that she’s healthy. Then shut up. This is one of those no win situations. Just keep being supportive.

This guy put a note in my locker at school that he wants to go out with me. It was a very sweet note, but I don’t know him that well. Should I just take a chance? Why a note instead of in person?

He may be very shy. A note (a sweet note) is a cute way of asking you out without the risk of face to face rejection. If you are open to it, try one date. You never know.

Our son is marrying a wonderful man. Our daughter and husband refuse to come to the wedding because it’s same sex. They used to be so close. What can we do? She wasn’t raised to be intolerant.

They are adults, and they’re going to figure out what kind of sibling relationship they want going forward. Just support your son and celebrate with him. Sorry, Mom. You can’t fix this one. You could suggest therapy, but your daughter and husband have already made up their mind.

There's this girl I like. She's pretty, red hair, kind've quirky, but that's what I like about her. We talk a lot, and I give her as much space as needed. I just wonder if I'm being TOO distant. How can I gauge if I'm doing the right thing?

Just be a good friend first. The rest will follow.
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Our parents don’t agree on who should pay for what for our wedding. Both sets of parents are well off so money is not the issue. How should we handle it with my parents and his parents? It’s really getting nasty.

There are etiquette guidelines in both book form and online. Look for the most up-to-date and then present them to your parents. Also, let both sets of parents know about how much stress they are creating for the two of you. A little guilt goes a long way.

How much info is the right amount to post on a dating site? I hear too much or too little turns people off.

What you hear is correct. Too little or too much is not good. There is no specific set of guidelines. Look at others' profiles then put together something in the midrange of what you see. That's always a safe way to go.

Our son is marrying this wonderful gal with a wonderful mother. The problem is they don’t have means for a big wedding. We don’t want to insult her mother, but we want to offer to handle it. We don’t want to burden the kids.

Ask to speak with her mother. Be honest about your concerns. Tell her exactly what you say here, that you don't want to insult her. She just may surprise you and graciously accept your offer.

My grandfather says if I marry outside of our culture he will cut me out of the will. He’s rich. My bf is not of our culture but he is an incredible person. My parents are leaving it up to us (it’s my mom’s father). I don’t want to disrespect him, but I’m really upset. What do others do?

He is trying to control you with money. Actually, he is disrespecting you. You are going to have to choose between money and your relationship. Sometimes older stubborn people will come around, but don't count on it. If the two of you are or have the potential to be financially stable, I would say to go with your heart.

Evidently we have two strikes against us with my partner’s uncle. We are biracial and we are gay. Every chance he gets he makes really bizarre and messed up statements. Nobody says anything or stops him. My partner says his uncle has always done that to him. I say confront the bastard. ??

I guess everyone in the family just puts up with his bullshit. I don't know the family dynamics, so it's hard to tell you just to confront him since it is long standing. Maybe the best thing to do is to tell the family that the two of you have chosen not to come around if he's going to be there. Maybe they'll put pressure on him. If you decide to confront, write it all out first so that you say everything you want in the way you want it said.

Me and my gf are both 18 and want to get married. We’ve know each other since elementary school and have always been bf and gf. People are saying it will mess things up if we get married so young. She’s my bff and always has been. Literally we’ve never had an argument. Do we wait or what?

Don't listen to "people." While 18 is pretty young, you two are really good friends, which makes the best long term relationships. Just make sure you are set up for success and don't burden yourselves unnecessarily by jumping right into a family.

My gf has lost an amazing 75 lbs. She looks spectacular. All of a sudden I find myself wondering what other guys are thinking about her. She pays no attention to the stares but I do. Why does this freak me out so much?

It freaks you out because it makes you feel insecure about your relationship. Somehow you now don't feel worthy of her. You need to reframe your thinking. Other guys may be staring, but she's with you. Don't screw it up by becoming a jealous neurotic.

Our daughter is dating someone our age. We are not happy. She has insisted that age is no factor in their relationship. He’s a nice guy but … Do we just keep our mouths shut or express our opinions and deal with it head on?

Depending on the relationship you have with her, bringing up the fact you have an issue with him could actually backfire and push her closer. You can certainly tell her that you are concerned, but also tell her you will support whatever decisions she makes. Often times people do not really consider all of the consequences of dating someone that much older. Ultimately, it’s her choice.

there's this guy that i've dated for about a year and ever since we broke up he started spreading rumors that i cheated on him and when infact he was the one who cheated it's actually ruining my name what do i do?

Do not care about rumors. There will always be rumors. Just be your true self and true to yourself.

Our nephew and his girlfriend slept over. His parents (mother is my kid sister) are furious with us for letting them. They are both over 18 so we don’t know what the big deal is. They say we’ve betrayed them. The kids feel really guilty about getting us in trouble. How can we reassure them?

Just let them know that you love them. Don’t put them in the middle. Tell them it’s not their fault. Explain to your sister that you don’t set the rules in her house, so please don’t set the rules in yours. They are over 18 and are adults. They are making choices with which they are comfortable. They are lucky to have an aunt and uncle that are so supportive.

My gf is perfect in every way except she smokes. I’ve tried to get her to quit but she just uses excuses. To me it’s a disgusting habit. I’m not sure I can be with someone long term if she continues. I’ve offered to go with her to a doctor but she just says she’ll handle it on her own. ??

For many people smoking is a make-it-or-break-it issue. For many it’s such a disgusting habit that it literally cancels out all the good qualities. Let her know that you are not telling her what to do, but also let her know that you can’t continue in the relationship as long as she smokes. You are in control of you. You are not in control of her. She’ll have to make a choice.

My partner and I have been told we are both “good looking.” We get hit on a lot by females. Neither of us wants to hurt anyone’s feelings but we are unsure of how to let females know we are committed to each other.

Do the same thing everyone else does who is in a committed relationship. Thank them for the “compliment”, but then just say, “I’m in a committed relationship.” It doesn’t make any difference with what gender. It’s all about being committed.

Our son is really artsy. He dates females but also dates males. We’re not sure what to make of it or even if we should worry about it. We just want him to be happy. We’ve never discussed any of this with him. Should we?

Let your son be himself. He needs to figure this out. Just be as supportive as you can and give him the space to find himself. He could be experimenting, he could be bisexual, or any other number of things. Just love him unconditionally for who he is, and he’ll figure it out.

Me and my gf’s mother got into a super heated argument over politics. I tried to calm her down but now she says her daughter can’t go out with me. Do I just apologize or what?

You don’t say what the argument was about. If you can apologize without compromising your morals and principles, then, yes, that would be good. If what she says goes directly against who you are and what you stand for, then keep strong. You don’t say what your gf is doing about this.

I think this guy is really hot. The problem is he is super popular at school and I don’t know how to approach him. How do I get his attention without coming off as a stalker?

Just go up and talk to him.. Be friendly. See if you can find out what some of his interests are, and then talk to him about them. You’ll know soon enough if he’s interested back. This is all part of experiencing the dating scene and the anxiety that goes with it — for males and females.

Our wedding is turning into a nightmare. Our parents are arguing about the guest list. We feel like just running away. Do you have any suggestions?

Call for a meeting. Sit down with both sets of parents at the same time. Let them know exactly how their behavior is making you feel, that it’s taking the happiness out of the occasion. Also, let them know that it makes you both feel like running away. Ask them to please respect your wishes. Ultimately, if they do no comply, you have every right to just cancel the whole show and go do it on your own.


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