Dr. Andrew

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My family keeps trying to get me and my bf into the family business. Neither of us want to do it but they keep pressuring. Neither of us believe in what they are doing.

I'm not sure what the business is but it sounds clearly like the two of you are not comfortable with it. Don't do it then. It will only cause problems for your relationship.

I'm 18 and my bf is 17. People say I could get in trouble. Does that sound right?

Technically, yes, but practically no. Stop listening to people who think they have all the answers.

How far apart do cousins have to be before it's ok to date? We are like fourth or fifth cousins.

All of us are really cousins. It just depends how far apart. If you are fourth or fifth cousins, I wouldn't worry about it.

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My gf was adopted. I don't have any problem with that but she's all worried about her genetics if we have a family because we have no information. What do we do?

You can get genetic testing done. That will reveal quite a bit. You want to make sure you are both not carriers for a particular condition. That would be a smart move.

My bf now thinks he might be gay. I am beyond freaked. I don't know how to handle this.

You need to get help from a professional who deals with these kinds of issues. I would suggest individual therapy for you so you can completely focus on your own feelings.

My gf lied on her employment application. I told her if she gets caught she could lose her job and a lot more. She won't listen. I don't know what to do and it makes me wonder what she's going to pull in the future.

You have every right to wonder, especially what she's lied to you about. Her action is a telltale sign of how she operates. Danger, danger!!

I found out my gf's mother went into my wallet and too $20 when I was sleeping. WTF? What do I do now?

First, you need to tell your gf. Then both of you need to confront the mother. She is probably using it for something not good - like drugs & alcohol or gambling. In any event, it's a huge problem that needs to be confronted.

Me and my gf are 18. Her parents are overprotective. They insist on going out with us when we go but say it's only because it's fun. Should we just confront them or what?

I don’t know that I’d “confront” them, but I certainly would ask for some private time. It’s one thing once in a while, but on an ongoing basis it certainly is overprotective. Talk to them openly.

What's the big deal about having friends of the opposite sex when you're going with somebody. My bf says it's wrong.

It isn’t wrong, but that sounds like someone who hasn’t made a complete transition from single to committed. Think about how it looks to an outsider. You really don’t need the aggravation of gossip and rumors. You can certainly have friends of the opposite sex. Just don’t do something like go to Vegas with your friend on a weekend.

Me and my husband are having some problems. I want to go to a therapist but he says we can handle it. Do all couples need a therapist?

First, no, not ALL couples need a therapist. If they have good argument rules and skills and don’t get personal, sure they can work things out. That being said, if things are getting out of hand on a regular basis, get some help before it goes way too far.

I'm a 30 years old female. What's a reasonable age difference for a man who's older? I hear different numbers.

There is no “right” age difference. It all depends on the individual. To hell with people who judge. If two consenting adults are ok with an age difference, live and let live!!

My bf was arrested for drugs. He says they weren't his. I want to believe him but IDK. How do I find out?

Really???? Oh, but they weren’t mine, Officer. Perhaps you’d like to buy some land in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Please don’t be that gullible.

How long should someone wait after a breakup before going out with someone?

There is no hard and fast rule about dating after a breakup. It all depends on the individual. That being said, if someone can date in a matter of days, the relationship wasn’t much to begin with. Move on.

My bf said he will not come over my house ever again. My mother got drunk and hit on him. Gross but she was drunk. What do I say?

Your bf has every right to be grossed out. Being drunk was her choice. The consequences go along with the behavior. The two of you should sit down with your mother and have a very big talk. If I were your bf, I wouldn’t go near her without a talk either.

I did your app (Love Shopping List). My bf came out really high. Is that like a guarantee that we're compatible?

There are ZERO guarantees in relationships. If anyone tells you there is, run. Our tag line- "Empowering people to make better relationship choices." Love Shopping List's mission is to assist you, not to make the decision for you.

The first thing my husband thinks about with everything is money. This is getting really annoying. It's not like we're poor. WTF?

The two of you need to sit down with a skilled financial advisor. That way everything is out in the open, and you both can see clearly and budget properly without going overboard in either direction.

My gf thinks we should split all chores in the apartment. I think there are certain ones for the guy and for the girl. It's not that I don't think we're equal. For instance I would never ask her to pick up something really heavy. That's my job. How do other couples handle it?

It all depends on the couple. It is not necessary to split ALL tasks. It should just be that the number and time should be somewhat equal. I always go over expectations with couples so that each understands BEFORE they move in together.

My bf thinks I drink too much. I have one or two glasses of wine when we go out. I think he's overreacting because his mother is an alcoholic. When I mention this he says I'm trying to gaslight him. What do I say/do?

It certainly is something he would be sensitive about. Go to a therapist who has expertise in substance abuse and find out what's really going on.

I'm 2 inches taller than my bf. It doesn't bother either of us but other people make comments. Do we say anything to them when they do this?

Why give them any acknowledgement at all? Just own who you are. You're both happy, so leave it at that.

My husband works really long hours but so do I as a stay at home mom. He thinks there should be food on the table when he gets home. I told him he has to help sometimes. Am I being unfair?

I take NOTHING away from stay-at-home moms. Parenthood is the hardest job around. That being said, part of that job is food preparation. So, in a word, YES, you're being unfair if he doesn't get home until dinner time or later.

We are a gay couple. We have another good friends couple who are lesbians. Whenever we all go out together we get really weird looks when everyone sits with her/his partner. Should we just sit like straight couples so it's no hassle?

Hell, no. You are with your partner. It's not your problem. It's other people's problems. Why would you disavow who you are?

My father and mother are both druggies. Both have been to rehabs several times. My bf is thinking about breaking up with me because he says he couldn't take it if I did that. I've never used anything. How should I handle this?

I'm going to modify an old saying- The sins of the parents are visited upon the children. Unfortunately, you are guilty by association. Regrettably, he has a basis for concern. You are at much higher risk because of your parents.

Our son is dating this girl on the internet. They've never met but consider themselves a couple. They talk every day on video chat. We are worried for him. What do other parents do in a situation like this?

I suggest you do a very thorough background check. There are many sites that you can go to. Don't delay. If you find anything, you have support for your concerns.

My brother called out my bf on some stuff we been going through. I don't know whose side to take. My brother was right but IDK if he should have interfered. What do I do?

Your bro is being protective of you. It doesn't sound like you were too upset, so I'm guessing you knew he was right. Bring up the issues to your bf and see what he says.

Me and my gf just graduated high school. We are going to different colleges. Do we break up now or what? We don't know what to do.

You face a problem that many high school graduating couples face. Unless you are relatively geographically close (like you could see each other on the weekends), it's probably best to part ways. You'll both miss too much of campus fun otherwise.


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