Dr. Andrew

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I’ve lost almost 100 pounds.. My husband has been really supportive but not really excited. He says he loves me no matter how I am. It pisses me off that he’s not more excited for me. He thinks I’m crazy. Is he right?

I don't know about you being crazy, but consider that your husband loves you unconditionally. That's huge. You say he's been supportive, so accept that, and be grateful you have someone who cherishes you no matter what.

Both of us are on our second marriage and we both have kids. My kids are really respectful to her but hers are shitty to me. I’ve tried talking with her about this but she says to give it time. It’s already been a year. Isn’t that enough time and what do I do from here?

A year is absolutely enough. It's time to bring a family therapist on board before things get much worse. She is caught between you and her kids, but that doesn't mean you have to be a human toilet. Get help before it's too late.

Our dad who is 84 started seeing this 65 year old woman. We are worried she’s a gold digger. I think she knows we are on to her. We’ve tried talking with him but he just blows us off and says we are being over protective. He has an irrevocable trust in place but we are still worried for him.

He is an adult, and he may be lonely. As long as there are financial protections in place, just keep an eye on what's going on. don't judge or criticize. It will only drive him away.

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I’m a junior on our football team. Me and this sophomore player have really hit it off. We are both worried about coming out. We’ve thought about going to our coach first but we just don’t know. We love football and we love each other. What do others do?

I don't know your coach. You might want to talk with a school counselor first. The counselor would be better able to guide you. Even though this is 2017, there are still certain taboos at the high school level, especially depending on geographic location.

This is really weird and I don’t know how to handle it. My parents are really good friends with this other couple who has a daughter that goes to school with me. First, we like each other so we have become bf and gf. AND our parents evidently really like each other too. Cont.

See previous answer

We found out they are doing wife/husband swapping. WTF? On one hand it’s kinda funny but on the other hand it’s got the OMG factor. We don’t know how to handle it.

Wow! Yup, that's out there. The best thing to do is to stay completely out of it. You don't need to involve your self at all. If necessary you should talk to a professional.

Sometimes I feel a strong attraction towards one of my best friends (were both male). I've always identified as straight, but I can think of a few instances in my life where I was attracted to one of my friends. Is this something worth exploring, or am I simply misinterpreting my feelings?

Unfortunately the world is not black & white. If your BF is straight, than you should respect his boundaries. If your BF is gay, than you should talk with him about your feelings.

My bf swears that he's talking to the ghost of a friend that died a few yrs ago. He doesn't sleep as much and his persona has gotten creepy. I was w/ him at the funeral, my bf was sad but didn't cry. Do you think this is happening b/c he hasn't grieved properly? What should I do to help?

Sounds like your BF has not found closure. Help him say goodbye so you all can move on.

Me and my gf buy each other joke/ sexual gifts all the time to try and embarrass the other (were both jokers). Recently she bought me a sex doll, that didn't bother me, but later she remarked that I should use it to "improve." I asked if that comment meant anything , but she won't give me an answe

Ask her to explain what she wants you to improve sexually. Better to be upfront about your sex life with your sex partner.

I am devastated. I met this guy online. I thought everything was really good. We decided to meet in person. The first time it was ok. Then I found out about his past. He’s been in jail twice, once for DV and once for armed robbery. I am crushed that I was so gullible. What do other people do?

First, you are not stupid. You, like most people, are trusting, and there’s nothing wrong with that to a point. You don’t say when in his life this occurred. Sometimes we all do stupid things we regret when we are younger. But, it sounds like you’ve already made up your mind about not being with him, so use this as a learning experience. In the future do a thorough background check on anyone you are going to date seriously. This will help you trust again.

I'm really in love w a coworker. Problem is she's married. I've respected this fact for yrs now, but I'm @ the point where I can't hold my feelings in any longer. I'm thinking I should get a new job where I'm away from her, do you think that's the right idea?

Yes, you should respect her life. If the roles were reversed, would you want her to be breaking up your marriage? Due to the complexity of the situation, it will not work out for you and she will blame you for ruining her life.

I’m a successful plumber. I started dating this really wonderful gal before I found out she’s a very successful attorney. She has no problem with what I do for a living but I’m really intimidated. I feel embarrassed when we go to parties and people ask me what I do. How do I get past this?

Two things are apparent. First, it doesn’t matter to this woman that you are a plumber. She likes you for you. Second, you have self-esteem issues and need help with that. Please keep this in mind, as I try to impart this to many of my workaholic patients. Work is what you do not who you are. She likes you for who you are, not what you are. Go with that.

I’m a female who’s been going out with females since I was 17 (I’m 23 now). I’ve never been interested in guys. All of a sudden this guy appears and I’m like this giddy little girl. WTF? Am I bi or what? How do I find out? I’m very confused.

Why put labels on yourself? Do whatever feels natural. I’ve had a number of patients over the years who have experimented sexually. Some discover they are bi, some discover they are gay, and some discover they are straight. Let time be your guide.

Here’s my problem. My bf’s parents are really critical of me. I dropped out of high school and really got messed up for awhile but I’ve got my shit together now. They are judging me on my past. My bf says I should ignore them but I can’t seem to get past this. What should I do?

It sounds like you are embarrassed and ashamed of your past. Rather than run from it, confront it. Ask to sit down with them and explain your journey. If you are not a parent yet, it’s difficult to understand that, even if you and your bf are adults, his parents are still being protective parents. While parents should not “bubble wrap” their children, good parents continue to look out for their children. No parent wants to see their “child” hurt. At some point if they continue, you are going to have to decide if their behavior is a deal breaker with your bf.

I met this guy in rehab. I hear that relationships from rehabs are not good and won’t last. I really have feelings for him and I don’t know what to do. I’m scared it will send me down a slippery slope and I’ve worked really hard to get away from using.

People get really close to each other in rehab because they bare their souls to each other. Sometimes being that vulnerable means letting other in very close. It can work IF there are other things that bring you together beyond the drug experience. It is definitely something that needs to be explored with the help of a seasoned therapist.

I was raised by my grandparents. I’m getting married and want them to walk me down the aisle. My mother suddenly appeared about a year ago. She said she would be very hurt if she did not walk me down. I don’t know what to do. Please help.

It all depends on what kind of relationship you want with your mother going forward. Clearly, your grandparents deserve to walk you down the aisle. It sounds like they are wise people. Talk to them about how you feel. Ultimately it’s your choice, and everyone will have to respect whatever decision you make.

Every time I date a girl my mother has some criticism. I’m a senior in high school. I can’t wait to get away. I don’t know what her deal is. I’ve asked her to stop but there’s always SOMETHING wrong. Do you have any suggestions?

Your mother is having an issue “losing” you. The best advice I can give you is to keep telling that you will always love her and that the girls you cate can never replace her. She may subconsciously look at them as competition, as messed up as the may sound. You can even tell her that the girls complimented her in some way. Family dynamics are tricky, and I don’t know what else is going on. She may view you as her emotional partner.

My GF is incredibly confident. Recently however, she seems shaken up about our commitment to finally go to community college (her idea). We both did really bad on our placement tests, but it's really affected her to the point where she doesn't want to go now. I can't seem to get through to her.

All you can do is to keep encouraging her. She will get over her disappointment. But in the meantime she's going to be sad. Just continue to love her.

This girl I know always gets really drunk at parties. Her bf is right there and does nothing to stop her. It pisses me off. IDK if I should say anything or do anything. Why would he not do something? He doesn’t get drunk like that.

Absolutely you should say something. You might find out that he has tried to help her, but she has refused. at least you will know that you tried to help.

I am married but having an affair. I don’t know why. We’ve been married about 8 months and I got bored. I think I still love him but this other guy just turns me on more. Do you think it’s a good idea to go to counseling? What would I tell my husband as to why?

You should definitely go to counseling, but it should be on your own. You have obviously got significant problems to deal with. Go to counseling before your problems get much, much worse. If you continue on this path, everything will blow up in your face.

My bf seems to have really bad anxiety lately. He almost seems afraid to be outside. He says everything is ok, but I've noticed he's really tense whenever we go out.

Your boyfriend may be suffering from a condition called agoraphobia. He needs to see a therapist to help him with this. There is really nothing you can do on your own. It is nothing that you have either done or not done. It's a psychological condition

this woman I'm dating keeps saying she wishes I was bi sexual, so she could have her male friend have sex with me while she watches and then joins. I've told her I'm straight and that I'm uncomfortable w/ her bringing that scenario up, but she KEEPS doing it anyways. What should I do?

Pretty simple solution. Find another woman

I am a 28 yo male in a relationship with another male. We’ve been together for 3 years, so it’s not like this is a passing thing. My niece is getting married and only invited me. I don’t know what to do. My bf says I should go, but I think it’s wrong.

I agree with you. It is incredibly disrespectful. However your partner seems to really want you to go. It's a tough decision. Consider your niece. I am guessing that the lack of a proper invitation did not come from her. Know that there are still others who will judge you. Educate them. If there is time, talk to your niece directly. She may not be aware of what has happened.

My bf wants me to sign a prenup. I got really mad. He says it’s best for both of us. I’m confused.

A prenup is not necessarily a bad thing. Keep in mind that the divorce rate is really high. That's reality. He may have significant finances and want to protect those. You should do the same.

What is the best way to present yourself for online dating. I don’t want to lie, but I’m told to always put my best out there.

Of course you would like to put your best foot forward, but you should be honest. Otherwise it will be a one and done. There are sites on line that will give you good suggestions on how best to present yourself.


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