Dr. Andrew

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Every time I’m around this girl I spring a woody. She doesn’t even have to do anything in particular. I wake up thinking about her and go to bed thinking about her. She’s kinda let the word out that she likes me. Do I just ask her out or what?

Wow! You've been watching too many old movies. I haven't heard that term for a long time. Okay, besides that you've been struck by the love bug. Good for you. Isn't it great? As long as she feels the same way, you two will have a great time, but make sure she does, otherwise you come off looking like a stalker. As far as your bodily reactions, yeah, it happens, and cold showers don't work that well.

So I’m seeing this guy who says he is separated. He says that he just has to finalize the details and then he’ll divorce his wife. It’s now been 6 months but he keeps saying the same thing, give him more time. Am I being played?

Either he's really, really slow, really really confused, or, yes, you are being played. You need to come up with a timeline that you are willing to stick to. He needs to know you are serious. It's time for him to either step up or for you to step away. You are truly the "other woman" in this drama. Unless you enjoy it, put a boundary on how long you are willing to wait.

Everybody at our high school says that I’m too critical when I go out with a guy. I say I’m being selective. Is there really such a thing as being too careful in dating?

I prefer to think of you as being selective. It sounds like you know exactly what you want, and that's a good thing. You are not willing to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. Your actions will serve you very well later on when you are ready to get serious. Most of the time I recommend people get our app, Love Shopping List, to help them decide what they want, what is important and what is not. In your case, congratulations, you don't need it. You can never be too careful when dating unless you like drama.

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We’ve been married for a year. I asked my husband what he wanted to do for our anniversary and he said he wanted a threesome with my girlfriend. I almost slapped him. She’s single and would probably do it if I asked. Am I being unreasonable?

Sexual habits of consenting adults is up to each person. If you are not comfortable with his idea, just tell him "no." You are NOT being unreasonable. It certainly sounds like he has not made the transition from being a single male to being in a committed, loving, respectful relationship. Don't be bullied, and don't do things just to please him. You will regret it later.

What's a good example of a romantic vacation?

Everyone's idea of a romantic vacation is different. You could be in Tahiti in a hut on stilts right in the water. You be be in a cabin in Yosemite enjoying nature. You could take a cruise up the Danube. You could have dinner and a show on Broadway. Part of the fun of a romantic vacation is planning it. I would suggest you do them all! Then it's even more romance shared with that special person.

I’m trying to get my husband to eat healthier. He’s ok but he has a family history of heart disease. He keeps saying he works out so he’s okay. I’m really worried. How do I get through?

Men do much better when we "discover" things on our own. Leave a bunch of articles about health and nutrition just laying around. He'll come to you as if he's discovered the fountain of youth. Just act surprised at the information. Females are really good at playing this game, and we men are very easy to fool.

My boyfriends dad and my mom started seeing each other about a year ago. Now people are saying I’m dating my brother. It’s really weird. What do I do?

You don't need to do anything because they are just seeing each other. You are not related in anyway, so there's nothing wrong. What's probably at play is that your bf and his dad are alike, and you and your mom are alike, so you have the same likes. It's a little strange, but enjoy it and embrace it. Don't let the gossipers ruin a good thing.

When I look back at my childhood it seems to me that I've known I was into a particular fetish since I was a child (pre puberty). Is that even possible? and now that I'm an adult is it right for me to indulge in my fetish or do I need to seek out therapy instead?

It depends on whether your fetish interferes with anything or anybody. Some fetishes are harmless, some are not. I would explore therapy just to find out what it's all about and what are the roots. You may be surprised.

My bf let his homies in on our love life. I’m really embarrassed. What do I do?

Your bf is using you as his trophy. That's bullshit. He has no business talking to anyone about what goes on between the two of you. You can tell him that if you hear about it again, the muffin shop is closed!

How can I get my boyfriend to stop smoking? He’s perfect in every other way but this really bugs me.

If it's one of your "A" list items (make it or break it), then you need to explain that while you care for him deeply, you cannot be with him as long as he is smoking. He will try to make it all about you, but if you feel strongly just hold your boundary. There are those who will argue that it's his choice, but it's also yours.

Do I let my 16 yo daughter sleep over her boyfriend’s house? He's also 16.

It depends on what message you want to give your daughter. This is about what values and morales you want passed on. Are you thinking about this because you don't want her to mad at you, or are you genuinely okay with it? Ultimately, you are your daughter's role model and her mentor.

My girlfriend turns into a maniac every month. She’s calm the rest of the time. What's the problem?

This may be a medical problem beyond just regular PMS. It may be Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder or PMDD. It's like PMS on steroids. She needs medical help. There is literally nothing you can say or do that will make a difference. Suggestion- do not offer any advice while she is going through this. wait until a much calmer time of the month --- if you value your testicles.

I guess I’m fatter than I realized because people are making fun of me even my guy friends. I’m really hurt. What do I tell them?

You can handle it with humor, you can handle it with emotions, or you can ignore it. You can also do a hybrid response by joking with them and also telling them they have really helped you. What's more important is how you feel about yourself. It always hurts to be made fun of regardless of the reason. It's a form of bullying. I look at the whole situation as a health issue. I would want you to be healthy and happy. If you are not happy with the way you look, you can choose to do something healthy about it. Loosing weight in an unhealthy fashion is no good either. You may want to speak with a therapist about how and why your weight got out of hand.

My bff started going out with this asshole. He happens to be A-A so she says I’m prejudiced. I don’t care what color he is. He’s just an asshole but she won’t listen. What can I say?

She is trying to make it all about you rather than her poor choice in men. If you have honestly evaluated him, and on any scale regardless of race , he is an asshole, then you are a good friend fro trying to protect her. You gave her the advice, and that's all you can do. It's up to her as to what she does with it.

Me and this guy have a great online relationship but we never seen each other. Is this still ok?

The only question is if it's okay with you. Yes, in 2014 there are lots of online relationships, but there are also a lot of fake relationships in which vulnerable people get really hurt. A football player from Notre Dame was duped into believing he was in a relationship with a woman and that she died. He was made to look like a fool when the truth came out. Just be careful and do some detective work before you go hook, line, and sinker into a relationship.

Can you really get an std without having sex?

The "s" in std stand for "sex." That's how it's generally transmitted, but, yes, one can get std's from non sexual contact. If you are in an unsanitary place or are living with someone with an std who is a personal slob, it is possible to get certain diseases. Let's dispel the AIDS myth, though. When it first came out, some thought it was even airborne. That virus takes pretty significant bodily fluid contact. If you just practice good personal hygiene, you should be okay. One other thing. As our former Pres Bill said at one point, "It depends on what the definition of "is" is." So it depends on your definition of what sex is.

My co worker and her mom (also my co worker) just asked if I wanted to have a 3 way. They're both curvy, attractive women, but believe it or not I'm not into the 3 way idea at all. is there a way to decline w/ out offending them?

Firstly, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you declining. Just smile and say, "No, thank you." Now for the other part. The older woman is a sick person. She is trying to be a bff instead of a parent. I am telling you there is something really wrong when a mother puts her daughter into a situation like that. It's one thing if she wants to be a cougar out on the prowl on her own. It's a whole other thing to involve her daughter. Don't just walk away, run!

Me and a close guy friend flirt with each other a lot and imply that we want to have sexual relations with each other. Will us having sex ruin our relationship?

If you are both on the same page, so to speak, it should not be a problem. Just make sure that this is something you really want to do and are not just taken in by his flirting. If you are planning on having sexual relations just as casual friends, that's one thing. But you really need to think about what you are wanting in the relationship before you embark on the journey.

this guy and I have mutal feelings fir each other but he said he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me and it made me feel like crap, I really like him but I don't know what to do

I'm not understanding. You said that you two have mutual feelings for each other. It certainly doesn't sound that way. If you care about someone, you don't make them feel like crap. Maybe he is just threatened because the relationship was moving too fast for him. You could try just backing off a bit and giving it more time to develop. Then you will know if the relationship is meant to be.

My gf is super hot. Every time a guy looks at her I go nuts. What can I do? I don’t want it to ruin our relationship.

You are obviously insecure in your relationship. She's super hot, and she's with you, dude. if she's that hot, she could be going with anyone. Relax. The other guys are jealous. I always thought it was great when guys hit on my wife. She always handled it with class and dignity and never put anyone down. Just smile.

How do I teach my boyfriend better manners. He’s a really good guy but his manners suck.

Find a "manners" class and tell him that you would like to go so you can "both" learn about the finer things in life and that it means a lot to you. It may be that he was just not raised in a household that put a great emphasis on manners. Too many people are really embarrassed when they don't know which fork to use at a formal dinner.

I heard religious stuff comes up after u r married. Is that true?

It really depends on the two people, but it's definitely something I counsel couples about when they come in before getting married. It also depends on how important religion is to each of you. You have to go deeper than just a shoulder shrug because at some point there will probably be children. That's when a lot of the issues that were never discussed come out. Have the talk now.

I’m engaged to this great gal. I got really drunk and hooked up with another woman. Do I tell my girl?

I can't tell you what to do because you have to live with your decision, which obvious was stupid. I' going to guess that if you told her, she would not react well. Turn things around. How would you react if she told you the same thing? You are engaged, spoken for, off the market, out of circulation. What part of that don't you get? Some things should just be sent to the bottom of the ocean never to be heard from again.

My gf got arrested for possession. She says she was just holding it for someone. I’d like to believe her but should I?

I've got some land in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. It's really valuable and no one knows about it. I'll sell it to you cheap. Deal? I will tell you this. Maybe she was holding it this one time, but how about all the other times you don't know about. You WANT to believe her because she's your gf and you want to trust her. Unfortunately, just by holding, she has shown her level of judgment. Time to move on unless you're ok with the whole drug thing.

My boyfriend is a minor league baseball player. He’s on the road a lot. Should I be worried that he will cheat on me?

Unfortunately, it's very common place for things to go on when athletes are on the road. The groupies come out of the woodwork. That does not mean every athlete partakes, but many do. You know your bf, and you know what he is all about. If it's driving you nuts all the time, you've probably got to walk away. If your relationship is solid, have a heart to heart with him about your concerns. Maybe it will set your mind at ease.


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