Dr. Andrew

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I just found out this girl I’ve been see comes from a super rich family. Now I’m really intimidated. I’m questioning why she would go out with me. Suggestions?

Keep in mind that unless she sees you as a charity case, she is making the choice to be with you. Your self esteem should not be tied to how much money your family has. Be proud of who you are, and be proud of who your family is. Obviously, it doesn't bother her.

Me and my husband work different shifts. It’s beginning to interfere with our relationship. Do you have any other people who have got through this and what do they do?

Yes, I have had many. It truly sometimes makes relationships difficult. It leaves little time to connect. The couples who navigate the difficulties successfully are the ones who sit down with each other and work out a plan that includes "relationship time." It's not easy, but if you don't do anything about it, it will negatively impact your relationship.

I screwed up big time. Me and this other young teacher started out playfully and now it’s serious. The problem is we are both married with kids. How do I get out of this?

As I recently told one of my patients in a similar situation, it's not a question of IF you will get caught. It's only a matter of WHEN. Don't be selfish. Consider the consequences not only for you but for your spouse and children. You are an adult, so you are allowed to make choices. All actions have consequences, and sometimes those consequences cause harm to other because you made inconsiderate and selfish choices.

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What should I do if our chemistry teacher keeps hitting on my gf?

That's a big red flag. You need to report the teacher immediately to the head of the school. My suggestion would be to do it both in writing and in person. You will need to give VERY specific proof of what is going on. You may be dealing with someone who has gotten away with this in the past. This person needs to be stopped!

My gf wants to be known as non binary. WTF? Now what?

Many people are expressing their right to be called whatever they are comfortable with and in some cases to show solidarity for the LGBT community's rights. We don't even have a pronoun that signifies no gender. We only have "he, she, they, and it." It's definitely a bit out of the box, but everyone is entitled to identify freely. Don't judge. Try being patient, but if that doesn't work for you, move on.

I’m Muslim and my bf is not. Because of what has happened his family has gotten really nasty to me. He says it will pass, but I don’t think so. He’s great but now what do I do?

As the old saying goes, you don't just marry a person. You marry a family. Unless he is prepared to disconnect to be with you, you may be in for a nasty long ride. Additionally, it will tell you a lot about him when you hear what he says to them about being nasty to you. You will then have to make a decision.

Some of my friends think a destination wedding is a selfish idea. We were thinking about one but now we don’t know.

It really depends on the socio-economic status of most of your friends as well as where and how expensive the destination is. The choice is yours, but understand you will be limiting who will be attending. I've been to destination weddings an hour away for everyone and one's that are an airplane ride away for everyone. If your friends are saying that to you, it may be because they really want to be there but can't afford it. Give it some serious thought before finalizing.

I really like this guy and he likes me too! We both want to date but we don't want things to end if we do! What should I do or say to him? Plus how do i ask a guy out like can i do it through text??

First, this is 2016. You can ask anyone out any way you are comfortable. Be friends first, and then proceed. It's always good to do it that way, but there are no guarantees in love and in life. If it feels good, go for it.

Why do girls think they have to act like a guy to look tough? It would seem to me that being a girl has its own benefits.

First, not two people are alike, and certainly not all “girls.” Some feel they have to act like a guy just to compete. For a lot of females that’s harder to do. As the old saying goes about the famous dance couple, “Ginger Rogers had to do everything Fred Astaire had to do, but she had to do it in high heels and backward.” It’s generally all about respect.

My bf has a foot odor problem. I’ve asked him to talk to someone about it but he just says he’s had it since he was a little guy. It truly is the only thing that’s negative but its bad. What should I tell him?

There are many ways to get rid of bromodosis, stinky feet. Your bf just may have never been aware. Do some research and show it to him. Do it in a non-judgmental, supportive way. Explain that you know it must have bothered him for a long time. I’m sure he doesn’t like it any more than you do.

Are there any ways to get past being nervous about asking a girl out? I break out in a sweat just thinking about it.

Until you have asked others out several times — with success — you will probably continue to be somewhat nervous. it’s perfectly natural, and breaking out in a sweat is all part of it. Especially with the ability to video yourself, I would rehearse what you want to say a bunch of times. That way you can see how look look and sound. It will give you some degree of confidence.

My gf’s parents are divorced. After meeting her father I can understand why. Here’s the problem. She still wants to have a relationship with him even though he’s a jerk. I can’t stand him. Give me some clues on how I can get past being with him.

It is HER father. You have to let her have her space and relationship with him. She will be healthier if she resolves any conflicts she has with him. In the meantime, just be respectful. If you interfere in any way, it will probably backfire.

My husband and I (we are both men) have two young children. We talk about our children openly and proudly like all parents. We have actually had people question us on why we have children. Is there a polite way to handle this, especially in social situations?

As the saying goes, “Ya can’t fix stupid!” A simple answer would be, “For the same reasons you wanted children.” Many people are still stuck in the old model of what a family should be. Once they see how truly good parents you are, the question will stop … until the next jerk comes along.

I met this guy online and we really hit it off. We have actually been out a bunch of times. I keep hearing people caution others but my experience has been great. Am I being naïve?

You are not being naïve. Many good relationships have started online these days. As with any dating, just be cautious and do your due diligence. Some people take their own bad experience and project it on to everyone else. Listen to what they are saying, and evaluate everything for yourself.

My bf’s mother actually asked us how our sex life is. I could not believe it. He just smiled and said great. My jaw almost hit the ground. I think he should have said its none of her business. He thinks I’m being overly critical. Is he right?

It sounds like your bf has a very open relationship with his mother. Some share almost everything with their parents, while others share virtually nothing. It’s all about different family dynamics. If you haven’t seen Meet the Fockers with Robert De Niro and Dustin Hoffman, you should. It’s a great comedy but illustrates how differently parents interact with their adult children.

Me and my bf are going to get married. He’s black and I’m white. We have no problem but some members of our families do. Should we sit down and talk to them or what?

You certainly can, though I doubt it will change anyone’s mind. The best thing is to just expose both families to both of you as much as possible. Generally, over time, good people come around to realizing you are just two people in love. If you want to be bold, you can even sit them down and tell them that you both realize they are uncomfortable but that the two of you feel you are making the right decisions for yourselves. Tell them that even though they might not agree, you would ask for their respect for your decision.

I am so tired of my parents trying to control my relationships I could scream. Particularly my mother, she always finds something wrong with any guy I date. I have asked them to keep their opinions to themselves but they don’t. I just don’t get it. Is there a solution?

You need to tell your parents exactly what you are saying here. The best advice I can give you is to not let them know what's going on, and tell them why you are doing that. You don't say how old you are, but I will assume you are old enough to make your own decisions about dating and relationships.

Me and this guy hooked up when we were both really drunk. This was about 3 months ago. The funny thing is I can’t keep from thinking about him. And then he calls and says he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about me. Do you think its healthy to pursue this? My friends think I’m nuts.

Ok, so maybe it wasn't the best idea to begin with, but maybe (and that's a big maybe) it could work. Take it slowly and see how things go. I would definitely suggest using our app, Love Shopping List, to figure out what you want. That will help guide you.

My cousin is dating this guy who has a swastika tattoo. I’ve asked her what’s up. She says its no big deal. To me it’s a really big deal. I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t want to be around him but me and her are pretty close. What do I do?

She is either really clueless or incredibly insensitive. That swastika says a whole lot about him. If you are as offended as you say, then let her know that you can't be around anyone who wears a symbol of something so hateful. Maybe that will get her attention. In any event, you don't need to subject yourself to that.

I’ve been hanging out with this girl. Every time we are together she asks me if I’ve been with any other girl. I keep telling her no. this is getting really old. Why would she keep pushing at me? I haven’t done anything to break her trust. I’m thinking about calling it quits.

She has serious doubt, probably from her own past. The best thing to do is to confront her with this behavior and let her know exactly how you feel. Of course, this assumes you have not been with anyone else while hanging out with her. If you have, then you need to understand why she questions you. Explain to her that she is pushing you away by doing this.

I told this guy I would marry him. I don’t know what I was thinking but now I’m scared that I made a huge mistake. How do other people handle getting out of something like this. He’s ok. It’s just that I don’t think I really want to spend the rest of my life with him.

You are going to have to be an adult and let him know followed by everyone else. Yes, it will be difficult, embarrassing, etc. but it's better than making a life-altering mistake.

This guy spent 4 1/2 months overseas and wants me to believe he didn’t mess around. We had gone together for about 6 months before he left. How do I know if he’s telling the truth. I don’t want to be played.

Unless you are prepared to hire a private detective to retrace every step he took, there really is no way. Rely on his behavior. If he's done nothing to cause you to mistrust him in the past, and he says he's committed, just go with the flow.

I live with my aunt and uncle because my mom is a frickn alcoholic. They are pretty strict. How do I get them to loosen up? I’m going to be 17 so I think I should have some freedom that other girls my age have.

There are two parts to this. First, you are in there home, which is not any different than anyone in the house of a parent. They set the rules. The second part is that you have to consider they feel a very huge responsibility and don't want to mess it up. That would automatically make them watch you more closely. Just communicate respectfully with them about your concerns.

Our son is really shy. He’s going to be 21 and has only gone out maybe twice. He has great qualities and gets along with everyone really well. He says he wants to date but he doesn’t. What can we do to help him?

He's 21. If his qualities are as good as you say, he will find a way to "advertise" them. In the meantime, there is nothing you can or should do. He's an adult. You may be pushing too hard and/or he may be a bit shy. Just give it some time. He is going to have to find his own way.

My big bro keeps trying to set me up with his friends. I’m 19 and he’s 21. I think it’s cute but it’s a bit overdone. Should I just tell him no. We are close so I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

Just tell him that you are appreciative but to please let you decide. Let him suggest someone, but tell him to let you make the final decision on whether to set you up. He's trying to be helpful, but it sounds like he's got a bit overboard.


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