Dr. Andrew

Ask @LSLLoveAdvice

Sort by:



My aunt wanted me to go out with this girl so I did her a favor. Now the girl keeps texting me. I’m not interested. And my aunt keeps asking me. I need some ideas to get out of this.

Just tell your aunt that there just wasn't any chemistry. Just be polite with the girl, and she'll eventually get the message. BTW, my aunt did the same thing to me!

We are in our late 20’s and married. People keep asking when we are going to start a family. It’s becoming really annoying. I feel like saying it’s none of their business but I don’t want to seem that rude. What do other couples do?

Just smile and tell people you're not sure when, but you'll be happy to announce it when you're ready. Don't lose friends and family over this. It's a perfectly natural, albeit nosy, question.

I did a background check on this guy that I’ve gone out with 4 times. I was shocked to find out he spent 11 months in prison. He seems like a solid guy. Do I wait to see if he tells me or do I confront him?

You may as well ask him about it since you are not comfortable now. It's perfectly fine to tell him that you look into the backgrounds of all dates (a good idea for everyone). Maybe his response will surprise you with fact. You don't mention what the conviction was for, so maybe find that out.

Related users

My bff since kindergarten asked me to do a three way with her and her husband. I was shocked but I also said yes without thinking. Now I don’t know how to get out of it or even if I want to be friends with her anymore.

It's perfectly okay to change you mind, especially since it sounds like it goes against what you believe in. Just tell her you've thought about it, and you have changed your mind. I can certainly understand why you are questioning your friendship. You'll have to do more thinking about that. Don't be so quick to say yes to things just out of friendship.

My husband is a functioning alcoholic. He doesn’t drink at work or when he’s with our kids but he does drink an pass out often especially on weekends. I love him but I’m not sure I can take this anymore.. I tried Alanon but they just said basically it’s his problem not mine. Suggestions?

Only you can decide how much you will tolerate. Only you can decide what the consequences of divorcing him are. It sounds like you need to bring in a professional interventionist to help you. You also have to keep in mind what the situation is doing to the kids and what examples they are seeing. Please seek professional help for yourself to help you sort through everything.

Because I love my gf I listened to her about this business investment. I lost a helluva lot of money. The problem is I really pissed. I’d like to move on with our relationship but I can’t stop thinking about what bad decisions she has made. Do I just break up or what?

Firstly, you went against your own gut. You did what she wanted even though you guessed it was wrong. That's on you. She didn't hold a gun to your head. Don't blame her for losing your money. Were the terms of the business investment carefully spelled out? Me thinks not. So, lesson learned. Don't let love blind you. She didn't "make" you do anything. Put on your big boy pants and deal with it. We all make mistakes.

Our son (22) is going with this girl. She is sweet but not the sharpest knife in the box. We are really worried but haven’t said anything. At first we thought she was just playing the “dumb blonde” but we realized it’s for real. Not sure what to do.

There are many types of intelligence (more than 100). Formal testing only evaluates a little more than a dozen. What you really need to know is: Is she good to you son?; Does she treat him with respect?; Is she supportive of whatever it is he's doing?; Does he genuinely love her?; and Is she genuine? Your son will make his own decisions. Not everyone can be a genius. Are you sure this isn't a case of "she's not good enough for our son"?

I have been trying to get this guy’s attention, but he doesn’t seem to notice. How do I do that without him thinking I’m stalking him?

Stalking means to follow, watch, or bother someone constantly in a way that is frightening or dangerous. Trying to get his attention is VERY different than stalking. Try talking to his friends to find out what he's interested in, then study it. That way you'll have an instant connection. You will be both interested and interesting.

My little sister in our sorority has been doing things that aren’t good for our reputation. I don’t want to be too harsh, but I feel she is chasing relationships without really understanding what it’s doing to her reputation. I would like to address it without appearing super critical.

I would talk this through with you sponsor and then include other sisters. It only takes one or two people in a group to give the whole group a bad rep. She's not only doing things that are bad for your sorority, she's doing things that are bad for her, which should be the first priority and how all of you approach her.

I want to come out to my parents about my relationship with another guy. They’ve never given me any reason to worry, but I am. Is there a way to strategize so it goes smoothly? I’m pretty scared.

Many communities have LGBT support groups. I would definitely suggest you contact them to talk through your concerns and also get advice on how best to structure your coming out. People in the LGBT communities have been through it before, so they are the real experts in this matter.

My bf has started using me as eye candy. I love him but it pisses me off. He denies it, but it’s clear to my friends.. How do I get him to stop? It could break us up.

And if he doesn't stop it, it should break you up. He is not being respectful of you. He is using you as a trophy. There are much bigger issues here that are under the surface. This is one of the times you should give someone an ultimatum.

I heard that meeting someone online can be dangerous. I met this guy. It all seems ok but now IDK. I want to protect myself but I don’t want to seem like I’m a nut case either.

Any dating can be dangerous if you don't take precautions. I always recommend getting as much information on a person as possible before advancing a relationship. Too many times people say, "If I'd only known then." Better to know before hand. As I've mentioned previously, utilize one of the many online services to do a background check. It will let you know if there are skeletons in the closet.

My future in-laws are being controlling in our wedding. My gf says they’ve always been that way and I should just ignore it. BUT I know it really upsets her and so I feel like saying something to them. Yes, they are paying for the wedding but do they have the right to control everything?

It sounds like her family dynamics are that her parents need to be in control. If they are paying for the whole wedding, they certainly have a right to have SOME say so. Try sitting down with them and telling them that you would like them to be in charge of certain things and make the decisions. That way it will meet their needs. Explain that there are certain things important to you both, and you would appreciate being able to do those things. Try not to get off on the wrong foot. Remember, you're not just marrying your gf. You're marrying her family.

My husband told me not to worry about taxes. We just got a letter from the IRS saying he screwed up. I am beyond mad at him and me. I don’t know if I can trust him. Do you think there might be other things he’s keeping from me? It’s driving me nuts.

You are definitely overreacting. Just because he messed up on your taxes doesn't mean he has a whole bunch of secrets. In the future tell him you want to do the taxes together. Try reframing the conversation. Tell him that while you appreciate his efforts, you want to make sure you both are protected, "So let's do it together next time." There is no need to make him feel worse than he already does.

I am in love with a woman I know I can’t have. She is a coworker. She is married. I don’t know how to stop thinking about her. I’ve been dating other woman but none compare to her. I’ve never made a move. How do I stop thinking about her. She’s like perfect!

If you want to keep your job, read the STOP sign carefully. First, no one is perfect. It's fine if you use her as a standard for someone you want in a relationship. Do yourself a favor and get some professional help before you make a critical error. You need to talk this through with someone who can help you.

Me and my brother go to the same high school. I’m in a girls’ club and we have an oath of secrecy. He started going out with one of my club sisters. I found out she’s cheated on my bro. I want to tell him but I also took an oath. What should I do?

You also have an unspoken oath to your family, to protect them. Explain it to your bro and ask for confidentiality. Your sorority sister is not worth protecting if she's cheating on your bro.

I really like my boss. He says him and his wife are getting separated. I don’t know what to do.

So it's the old "I'm getting separated" line. Don't fall for it. If he's cheating on his wife, most likely he'll cheat on you, too. Keep in mind that right now you are "the other woman." You need to keep your distance. Caveat emptor is Latin for "buyer beware."

This guy told me I can only get pregnant 3 days out of the month. Is he right?

Technically, he's right. There are only three days out of the month you can get pregnant. Sounds great, right? The problem is you don't know what those three days are. Ovulation takes place at slightly different times for women. Best not to take a chance going bareback.

I took a selfie to share with my bf. He shared it with his buds. WTF? He doesn’t get why I’m so pissed.

He's either stupid or doesn't care. Either way, it's time for a new bf. He is most certainly not a very considerate person. He's using you as a trophy. try #dumphim

I keep making bad decisions with girls. Then I keep getting hurt. Maybe I’m too nice a guy. Any ideas on what to do?

Our app is called Love Shopping List. It's designed to help you really define what you want in a relationship. Without something like this, it's all trial and error ... but in your case it sound like mostly error. Don't do that. Make better informed decisions about your relationships.

I’m away at college and my bf is still in high school. I think I made a mistake by not breaking up before I left. We had fun over winter break but now I want more freedom but I don’t want to hurt him. I won’t see him until spring break so what should I do?

Ah, yes. The dilemma. If you don't break up, you feel confined or a cheater at worst. If you do break up, it hurts. Both of you need to come to terms that unless you see a future in which you are planning to be a couple, it's best to break up for now. That way both of you are free to explore without feeling guilty. If you're meant to be together, it will happen.

Me and this girl met online then in person. I know this sounds silly but it’s TOO perfect. I’m scared. She’s never done anything wrong or even caused me any doubt. My friends say to watch out. ?????

I would say just to be cautious. There's nothing wrong with having her checked out by one of the sites that investigates people. That way you will be able to erase any concerns. Your friends are trying to protect you, but you may not need it. There's nothing wrong if it's "perfect." Don't many people often say, "I found the perfect one"?

My parents got divorced when I was 14. It really messed with my head. I’m going with this guy and I’m getting more freaked out because we are getting closer. I don’t want to go through what my parents went through.

Your parents' divorce did more trauma to you than you realize. You need some help with getting through this so that it doesn't affect your relationships moving forward. Your reaction is not unusual for children of divorced parents, even as adults.

Both my parents were alcoholics. As a result I have never touched a drop or ever done drugs. I just found out my bf got drunk last weekend with some guys and I freaked out. Like full blown screaming at him and everything. He said I was overreacting. IDK.

Unless your bf has done this before, yes, you are overreacting. The mechanism is called "projection." You are projecting your own issues onto him. If he does it again, it's a different story. It sounds to me like you need some short term therapy to truly address the traumas you suffered at the hands of your parents.


Language: English