Dr. Andrew

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Whenever we go over to my bf’s family occasions everyone gets very drunk. I don’t drink, so I keep getting told that I’m being a dud. My bf does not drink much and has no problem with me not drinking, but he doesn’t stand up for me when they rag on me.

You are NOT being a dud. Kudos to you for not engaging in the activity. You need to discuss this with your bf and tell him how uncomfortable this makes you feel. My belief is that he needs to tell his relatives to back off in a respectful way, but if they won’t or don’t, stop going to the events.

My parents are evangelicals. I have been living with my bf so, of course, they tell me I’ve been living in sin. We are going to get married. I asked my mother to participate with me in selecting my wedding dress. She said she would as long as it wasn’t white! I am devastated. What do I do?

Unfortunately, your mother is being judgmental and trying to impose her beliefs on you. It’s your wedding. You don’t mention if your parents are paying for the wedding including the dress. This might be a problem since you would be asking them to pay for something in which they don’t believe. Otherwise, get the dress of your dreams, and have a wonderful time at your wedding.

Hey, when is the Android version of your app going to be released????

It is currently in development. However, for a much better user experience we are updating the IOS version first. Android users will benefit from having the best version as their first version. Here is the download link to the current version: https://t.co/NY4NQpYW0I

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Is it ok to be in contact with somebody online while somebody has a boyfriend? My friend is doing this and I told her she is cheating. She says she’s just fooling around online. I think it’s cheating.

I support your position. Even though there is no actual physical contact, the thought is there. She can not devote herself to her bf while being distracted with another relationship. And if she really is just “fooling around,” shame on her for playing with someone else’s emotions. I vote for you.

My relatives always talk shit behind everyone’s back. I’ve confronted them but they always deny it. Recently I recorded them when I went out for a walk. Of course the minute I left they started. When I got back of course they denied it so I played the recording. Now they are not talking to me.

Well, you already decided that being right was more important than being happy. That’s not a criticism. It’s just a statement of fact. They are not talking to you because you called bullshit on them, and they didn’t like it. They are having a temper tantrum. At least it will cause them to think twice about talking about someone behind her/his back.

Whenever my sister & her husband come to town they stay with us. We have a 2 bedroom flat so it gets a bit crowded. Here’s the problem. They are slobs. It really upsets my gf. She does an amazing job keeping the place neat. I’ve tried talking with my sister but she refuses to take responsibility.

The two of you need to sit down with the two of them together. Emphasize how much you enjoy having them, but are very frustrated by some of their actions. Explain that while you are not judging how they live their lives, it would be much appreciated if they would respect how you live your lives by trying to be more careful and helpful in cleaning up after themselves.

My bf drinks a lot. I know for a fact that his father is an alcoholic. I am worried that it is genetic. I love him but I’m not willing to always try to deal with him if this is the way its going to be. Can you tell me how I would know please?

First, yes, the tendency for alcoholism runs in families. There are genetic components and also environmental components. My suggestion would be to attend some Alanon meetings. There are people who are in exactly the same position you are. They will be able to listen and guide you on how to handle the situation.

Me and this guy met online. We’ve already met in person too. Good chemistry. Now my family is telling me I’m being naïve about him. I’ve checked him out. I told them many people met online but they just keep telling me to watch out. Do I just ignore them?

If you truly have checked him out (and I mean REALLY checked him out including using online services to really dig), then the best thing to do is to sit down with your family, who are probably just trying to protect you, and let them know everything you have done to get info. That may alleviate some of their concerns. Ultimately, you will have to decide.

I read somewhere that too much jacuzzi can make you sterile. Is that right?

If you are a male, simple answer is not really sterile but unable to help conceive. The constant elevated temperature kills sperm. It’s not permanent and will return to normal once the heat is eliminate. Even the heat generated by tidy whities being worn can cause the same problem in some males.

My gf wants us to take a “manners” class. She’s never said anything to me before. I asked her if it was something I did but she said no. She said she just thought it would be good for us. I kind of don’t want to but I want to be open to things. Is this something a lot of people do and why?

I wouldn’t say a lot of people do it, but regardless, keep her happy. It’s such a small investment in time, that it should be a no brainer. Most people need a bit of brushing up on manners anyway, so it can’t hurt. People judge others by their manners, so it will prove useful in your future.

There’s this girl I like in several of my classes. I think she’s really nice but there’s just one thing. She’s really smart and she corrects everybody in class when they are wrong. I don’t think she realizes that it upsets people so much. I know she’s almost always right but still. Should I say

She probably doesn’t realize she is really upsetting other people. However, if you want to get anywhere with her, you will need to keep your mouth shut for now. Just be a friend for now. You are nowhere near close enough with her to start pointing things out. She will probably just blow you off as she probably has with everyone else.

My future mother in law keeps interfering in our wedding plans. My bf does not confront her directly but he says we are just going to do what we want. I think we need to send a clear message and I’m worried she will get worse. Is it okay if I talk with her alone?

That might create a bigger problem than your original problem. You and your bf should sit down and talk about a plan that is acceptable to both of you. Yes, very clear boundaries have to be drawn. Obviously the dynamics between them have existed way before you came into the picture.

I lost my v card to a guy who I've known for 3 years now but never really did anything and now in just one month we finally kissed and he has been spending alot of quality time w/ me but he goes back to college for another 5 months and he's so flirty yet he says for me he'd change but idk

I'm not a big believer in single, young people trying to stay committed when one or both are going away to college. College should be a time to individuate not only from family but from themselves. It's like a snake shedding its skin because it's outgrown it. The new skin is bright and shiny. Don't put your life on hold.

Our daughter is in a relationship we are less than thrilled with. We don’t understand why she is settling. She is intelligent, good-looking, and professionally successful. Her significant other is not stable financially. She says she doesn’t care. What can we do?

All you can do is express your concerns. Past that you don't want to lose your daughter. If you keep trying to point this out to her, she will probably rebel and be pushed in the opposite direction of what you think. She may not think she is settling, and she may have different priorities than you and your spouse.

My bf is really smart but he doesn’t think so. I do everything I can to make him feel good about himself. I know his father was a jerk to him, so maybe that has something to do with it. I don’t know what to do to help him. Do you have any suggestions?

Your bf REALLY needs professional help. He still sees himself as the little boy who can never satisfy his father. Regrettably, this stays with an individual for a long time until the person gets help. It's hard to get rid of old "recorded" tapes that keep playing in your head.

We are the odd couple. My partner is a slob and I’m a neat freak and we are both ok with that. His mother is not. Every time she visits, she rags on him. I have restrained myself from telling her to STFU. I can see it hurts him so I’m furious. Should I say something to his mother?

Discuss it with your partner first. Explain how much it hurts you and how difficult it is for you to be around her when she is ragging on him. This needs to be thoroughly discussed between the two of you BEFORE you take any actions. You are certainly entitled to respond to her if she says something directly to you.

Whenever me and my bf go out with this other couple they always seem to come up short with money. At first we thought no biggie but now it’s like close to a hundred dollars difference. They seem nice except for this. Is there a way to get the message across without ending the relationship?

Unfortunately, since it's happened a lot, you are probably just going to have to be honest with them. You can tell them that you really enjoy their company and going out together, but it's not fair that you keep having to pay. You can ask them if it's a financial issue for them. They may have been too embarrassed to tell you. If that's the case, you can tell them the four of you can always find free things to do. Be gentle and respectful.

All my gf’s keep telling me I have my standards set too high on guys. I do have high standards but I don’t necessarily think that’s wrong, but I’m beginning to doubt myself. What’s the best way to figure this out?

Too many people enter into relationships by settling for less than what they really want or by panicking about not being in a relationship. Certainly, there is such a thing as being too picky. As an example, our app requires you select 15 characteristics. If you insist that a person has to have all 15, or it's a no go, you are too picky. No one is "absolutely perfect" in every respect for another. That being said, keep your standards high, just not too high.

All my girlfriends text me but this one won't. Should I call it quits with her?

Wow! Talk about a shallow reason for breaking up. Did your other girlfriends bow down or curtsey when you come into a room or when they approach you? There are certainly more important considerations in a relationship than texting. If texting is that high on your criteria list for females, she needs to call it quits with you.

Here’s my problem. My gf is smoking hot. She dresses modestly but still turns heads. She’s also super friendly and doesn’t act conceited or anything. It makes me jealous even though she’s with me. How do I get over this?

You are obviously very insecure about your relationship. As you said, she's with you. However, I'm guessing if you keep up your behavior, she won't be with you for long. You need to be proud that she is looked upon in such a good way, not the least of which is that she is so friendly. You are going to have to do some "work" to figure out what you are really afraid of. You may need some professional help.

Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time? How would I know and if it is possible what do I do now?

Assuming you mean romantic love, the answer is yes. Of course, the question to be asked is if the depth of the love is the same in both relationships. Keep in mind that you may be in lust and maybe not in love. My suggestion is that you take the time to really figure out what you want (you can use our app, Love Shopping List, to do that) and then compare both people to your ideal list. That will help you "know".

My ex keeps posting to me on social media. How do I put a stop to it without looking like a bitch? I don’t want to appear bad to everyone else but this is really getting on my nerves.

I know this may sound overly simple, but the best way is just not to respond. The only time you might have to respond is if there is something outrageous, but even then don't handle it emotionally. Just give facts. Other than that, he will tire of not getting a response from you. It may take awhile, but just persist. It's like trying to tickle someone who is not ticklish. you stop because you are not getting a reaction.

I met this guy online. He seems nice but I’m just really scared about meeting in person because I’ve heard real bad horror stories. Is there any way to check things out before I actually meet him. I’ve had a few bad dates and I don’t want to go through that again.

It's called "due diligence". There are quite a number of services online that can check people out. They are not that expensive at all and are well worth it. I think you are being very smart by fully checking him out first. If he comes back clean, it will relax you much more, and you will have a better time.
Liked by: Chianna Dunblazier

There’s this girl I like. Here’s the problem. I think she has a scarf and barf problem. I’m not sure. We were at a party and I saw her eat then run to the bathroom. I don’t want to seem cold hearted but I have no desire to deal with an issue like that. Is there a way to find out?

Just keep observing. If you see the same behavior pattern again, you are probably correct. You can't just ask her because, of course, she'll say no. Eating disorders are really hard to treat. Before you dismiss her, just try to follow her pattern. You don't want to cut off a good thing. Just running to the bathroom one time after eating something doesn't make an eating disorder. Besides, she could have had a flu or ????


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