Dr. Andrew

Ask @LSLLoveAdvice

Sort by:



Is there any easy way to tell a guy I'm not interested? He's in my English class and sits behind me and tries to flirt but acts like a sixth grader instead of eleventh. I tried ignoring him but he doesn't get it.

Sounds like he's still on the elementary school playground. He is obviously trying desperately to get your attention, so ignoring him is probably not going to work very well, especially since he doesn't seem to take the hint. Try just asking him, "Did you want my attention for something?" You can then respond accordingly. You may have to just tell him directly that you aren't interested, but only use that as a last resort.

Dr Andrew- How do I get my bf to stop making fun of me in front of my friends? I laugh because I don't want anyone to think I'm too sensitive but it really hurts me.

Your bf is being a bully, a coward, and is harassing you. You need to be very clear with him that unless he stops it immediately, you will drop him as a boyfriend. You need to feel good enough about yourself and love yourself enough that you do not allow ANYONE to put you down or make fun of you. If he doesn't change when you give him the ultimatum, then I say good riddance.

Why are their no good websites to find a partner who enjoys the kinkier side of life? I've been on so many, but most profiles come off as escorts or dominatrix(s) looking for slaves. I'm just looking for a normal person who just happens to be kinky in the bedroom.

Don't have an answer for you other than just keep looking

Related users

This is kind of embarrassing to ask, but I'm genuinely concerned about my parents. They never fight or anything, but I never see them hug, or hold hands, or show any kind of affection towards another. They seem more like really good friends than a married couple. Should I be concerned?

Your parents have established their own relationship. It's a shame they don't model affection for you (or siblings if any), but it is what it is. Some couples are comfortable just being good friends. It's also possible they have old fashioned values and PDA's, even at home, are not something to be done. No need for concern because there's really nothing you can do.

During sex w/ my gf I'm always the dominant one and she quite enjoys it. However one night while we were drinking I let it slip that I'd rather be the submissive one or at least that we could switch roles sometimes. She's been cold towards me since & I feel like she lost respect 4 me as a lover.

It sounds like she is not comfortable with the role of a dom, especially since the rules were established at the beginning. Communication is the key here. The two of you need to talk openly & honestly. In a good relationship partners try to meet each other's needs.

Is bdsm really a lifestyle that you have to fully commit yourself to? I enjoy it every now and again as a single person, but when I think of possibly being married one day, I don't think I'd want to practice bdsm. Some of the kinky community have called me a hypocrite for having this view.

You are at an experimental phase in your sexuality. You are not a hypocrite and there's nothing wrong with settling down after marriage. To answer the first part, you don't have to commit to anything unless you are comfortable.

I noticed my husband get aroused every time we drive on the freeway. I find it fascinating, and I'd like to understand why this happens to him.Do you think he'd be embarrassed if I asked?

You would have to ask him. It's certainly not your usual turn on. If it really doesn't bother each of you, let it go & have fun

I've had a crush on this guy for 4 years (that's what my friends think) its not really a crush anymore I love him I mean he rejected me 2 years ago and then we were on bad terms last year but then we made up now he calls me bae and flirts with me leaving me confused and now I don't know what to do?

Before you can be in a good relationship, especially given what's happened, you need to be right in your own head. You need to be honest with yourself about whether you want this kind of drama. The two of you need to sit down together and have a heart to heart discussion about what your future would look like. Only then will you know what to do.

I broke up with my bf about a month ago. My bff has asked me if it’s ok if she dates him. I thought this was nice but I have mixed feelings about this. I don’t want to seem like a bitch so maybe I should just let it happen. Any ideas?

First, kudos to your bff for being respectful and considering your feelings. Since it’s been a month AND she’s asked you for permission, you would totally come off as a bitch if you said no. You gave him up, and she didn’t go behind your back. Step out of the way and see what happens.

Hey, Dr. Andrew. I just found out my date for the prom hooked up with someone else last week. I don’t’ want to go with her but we have all the prom stuff done like corsage, limo, etc. It disgusts me. The thought of being with her the whole night makes me sick. She doesn’t know that I know.

You call her your “date for the prom” and not a girlfriend. If you weren’t in a serious relationship, it would seem to me there should be no restrictions on who she can date or you. It sounds like you are thinking that since you asked her to the prom, you are going together for a brief period of time or at least until prom is over. That’s just no realistic. I think you should change your thinking and just go and enjoy yourself. She’s not your property.

My bf has started acting really weird. All of a sudden he is falling asleep in our classes (it’s our senior year and we decided to take 3 classes together). It’s like he has no energy and he’s got a short fuse and gets angry a lot. His hair is longer and he has started hanging out with diff guys.

Your bf’s behavior has changed pretty dramatically from what you are used to. My first suspicion would be drugs, since he has all the classic signs. I would discuss your observations with a school counselor so that you don’t try to handle this alone. The only other explanation would be that there is something medically wrong, but that would not account for the change in friends. If you try to handle this just with him, he will most likely tell you that you are nuts, which is why you need help with this.

We are a gay couple and we have good friends who are a lesbian couple. Whenever the four of us go out, everyone assumes that it’s two regular couples, like at restaurants etc. Is there anything we can do to make a statement without seeming defensive?

First, let’s look at your own attitude. In your question you mention “regular” couples. Does that mean you are an “irregular” couple. People are still getting more comfortable with all kinds of relationships, sometimes labeled “alternative.” You really don’t need to do anything. Just be yourselves and enjoy the time together. Don’t spend time worrying about what others think.

I would like to ask for my gf’s father’s hand in marriage. My friends are saying that’s so old fashioned. My gf says to do whatever I’m comfortable with. I’m confused and want to make everyone happy.

Make yourself happy first. Personally, I like the idea of going to both of her parents as opposed to just her father. That way you are being all-inclusive. Your friends are not considering the relationship between you and your future in-laws. Going to them shows a tremendous amount of respect. Your gut was right on the mark. Stick with it.

My mom and dad are getting a divorce. Now I’m freaked that it means this will happen to me. I know I’m only 17 and not ready for marriage but this really has me bummed. Is there anything I can do now so I don’t automatically get divorced?

First, statistically, yes, the divorce rate is higher for children who come from a divorced family, but that is not an automatic for you. All relationships are different. One of the best things you can do to try not making the same mistakes as your parents is to get premarital counseling when the time comes. That way any significant issues will be brought to the surface and addressed BEFORE they happen rather than after.
Liked by: Saturno_

Here’s the problem. My gf’s father is a racist. I can’t stand being around him. She says to ignore him but I can’t. It upsets me too much. I really love her but I can’t stand him. Is there a way out?

As long as you are with her, you are with him. Keep in mind that she is not going to give up her father because you are uncomfortable, or she would have already done that. As much as it may hurt, you need to tell her that you can’t be anywhere near her father and then see what she says. She may break it off with you, which may be in your best interest anyway. Otherwise, you will have to make some serious decisions.

My gf sleeps over a lot. When I ask her if she will help me keep my apartment clean, she says she’s not my maid. She doesn’t lift a finger when she’s here. It pisses me off. How do I handle this?

Your gf is acting like a princess. If she’s spending a lot of time there, she should just give you a hand and be more appreciative. It’s not like you are asking her to do a lot. Beware!! This is a a preview of what’s to come.

My wife recently got a call from an old bf (10 years). She has been on the phone with him almost every night for hours even though I asked her not to. I’m beginning not to trust her. Why would she do this and what should I do about it?

To me as a psychologist this is a giant red flag. There are many reasons, but probably not good ones. This definitely calls for some professional assistance, especially since you've asked her (hopefully nicely). The first question I would ask you in therapy would be how the rest of your relationship is. Her action may be a result of some dissatisfaction in your relationship that she may or may not have told you about. The two of you really need to explore all aspects of this. You beginning not to trust her is quite understandable.

Is there a good way to tell a guy I’m not interested. I don’t want to hurt his feelings but he just keeps coming on to me. He’s sweet but just doesn’t do anything for me. My friends tell me to give him a chance but I’m not sure I want to lead him on more.

You have to do what makes you comfortable. If you don't feel he's right for you, you have to go with that despite what your friends say. It may get to the point that you may just have to tell him that you like him as a friend but are not interested in taking it farther. It doesn't have to be harsh, but it has to be direct so the message is made clear since he's not getting the message in any other form.

I hate when other guys brag about how many females they’ve gotten. When I say something they all call me a pussy. I’ve known most of them since we were in elementary school. Is there a good way to handle this?

Some men (and some women by the way) judge a man's masculinity by how many women he's screwed. It's not limited to education, socio-economic status, culture, etc. These males treat women as objects to be conquered. One would think we've progressed further than that, but it goes all the way up the ladder in governments and corporations. There's not a whole lot you can say other than to ask them if it make them feel like real men to brag about it. You may have to just trim the friendship tree. There is still the great gender divide. A man who gets a lot of women is a stud, whereas a women who gets a lot of men is a slut. As a society we've still got a lot of work to do.

I’m 28 and my bf is 29. We were going to visit my parents but they said we would have to sleep in separate bedrooms. Really? I told them we wouldn’t come. Am I being ridiculous?

Your parents may be holding on to old fashioned beliefs, but it's their house. They may feel uncomfortable with the two of you sleeping together without being married. Even though you are probably right, do you really want to not go just for the principle of the thing? Someone once asked at what age is it ok to sleep together without being married. It's really up to one's own beliefs. I'm sure the two of you can go one or two nights without sleeping together. Make the issue disappear and go with the flow.

My gf asked me to go to the store to get some things. When I got there one of the things was tampons. I didn’t get them. When I got back she asked me where they were and I said I’m not going to buy tampons. She got pissed. What do other guys do?

It really depends on the maturity level of the guy. Everyone knows that menstruation is a normal function of the female body, and everyone knows that sanitary napkins and tampons are part of the event. You really need to examine why you were so hesitant to get something she asked you to since you were going to the store anyway. Sorry to tell you this, but she has every right to be pissed. Think about this. Let's say you were going to participate in an athletic event and needed a new jock. Your gf was going to the sporting goods store, so you asked her to pick one up. She came home without it. How would that sit with you?

I am friends with this gay couple. I thought it would be fun to double date with them but my bf freaked out. He said I would have to go out with them myself. Is there anything I can/should say to him?

Your bf may not be homophobic, but he sounds like he's close to it. He clearly is not comfortable with the idea, and I doubt there is anything you are going to say that is going to change his mind, including threatening to break up. Instead of going out, I might suggest just having the other couple at a social gathering and letting your bf get to know them gradually. Once he does, he'll probably not be as rigid.

How do I get my bf to put the toilet seat down? He thinks its funny but I don’t.

Show him this message: Dude, if she leaves the seat down, all that happens is you spritz all over it. If you leave the seat up, she falls in. Think about it. Do you REALLY want to suffer the consequences of that happening? It's not funny. It's disrespectful and discourteous. Think about what your mother would say.

This girl I like at school asked me over for a bbq. She told me her dad is a sports freak. The problem is I’m not. I’m a geek freak. What do I do?

Okay, time to play politics. Don't try to be a sports expert because you will fail. However, if you want to get in good with your lady friend, do a little homework on sports. You can jump online to ESPN and pick up some really basic news that will carry you through the bbq. Don't be afraid to say that you are not really involved in sports, but when you throw out a little bit of news, you will be surprised at how far that will go. Also, don't be shy about talking a little bit about your interests. In the end, always be yourself. Just add a few elements, and you can fit in anywhere.

I don't get it. I've been through at least four "stints" with girls, and nothing ever seems to work. I think I'm a nice guy, so, what's the deal?

So there are only two possibilities. Either it's you, or it's them. You may be pushing them away without even knowing it. Ask your friends if the have noticed you doing anything they thought was harsh, weird, or disrespectful. If they are good friends, they will be honest. The other explanation might be you are simply picking women who are not necessarily compatible with you. It doesn't make them or you wrong or bad. It just means it's the wrong match. You need to better evaluate the situation.


Language: English