Dr. Andrew

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My brother and I were only 18 months apart. Unfortunately he was killed by a drunk driver. His gf is my age. Now she is interested in me. I'm not dating anyone but I don't know what to do or how to handle this. Seems weird. Any ideas?

Yes, a bit weird. Just go with the flow if it's ok with you.

We are a lesbian couple and good friends with a gay couple. When the four of us go out everyone assumes its just two straight couples. Produces some awkward interactions. Does this happen with others in our situation?

Yes, I've heard it does. Just smile. Makes them wonder, which is more fun

My bf's mother interferes with everything we do. I've talked with him but he just says to ignore her. I'm not sure what to do. It really bugs me. Is this my future with him?

Unfortunately, this may be your future. She will continue to interfere unless someone puts a stop to it. The two of you should sit down with her together and talk. Respectfully, but firmly.

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Can a couple really ever get past cheating? I've heard its impossible. Is that true?

No, it's not true. They can, but it takes a commitment on both parts and a lot of work. It takes a very long time to trust again.

My sister's husband is a real jerk. Me and my sister are close so I don't want to go off on him but he always tries to put me down. Do I just let him have it or what?

Since you and your sister are close, have a serious talk with her and ask how she would like you to handle the matter, but that you're tired of the put-downs. He may also be doing this with her behind closed doors, so be open to listening, as well.

Me and my gf are going to Bahamas. I've put on some weight so I'm kind of embarrassed to put on a bathing suit without a tee. Is there a way around this? My gf never criticizes me, but IDK.

Do what you're comfortable doing. But the more important question to ask is what are you doing so you're healthier? It sounds like she loves you unconditionally, which is great, but you need to love yourself enough to be healthier.

How can I be in love with two girls at the same time? I don't know how to choose. I really do love them both. They are different but both have things that I love. I'd love to combine them.

Unless both are comfortable with you dating both, you're going to have to choose or your love life could be at risk. Our app, Love Shopping List, is designed to empower you to make better relationship decisions. Use it.

I'm having trouble with my mom dating a new guy (My dad died). I want to be happy for her but I'm having trouble with it. What do other people do?

It's only natural to have those feelings. You're used to seeing your parents together. Many people feel they're somehow not be loyal to the parent that passed away if they happen to like the surviving parent's new friend. It's not an "either or". The new person doesn't replace your dad. Just give the new guy a chance.

I met this new guy and he seems really sweet. My gf's tell me not to trust him but they don't tell me why. They just keep saying to watch out. They've got me worried but he's never done anything to make me worry. What do I do?

Certainly do your due diligence. You can have him checked out with one of the online services. Unless they have specific concerns, develop your own opinion based on your research and experiences. They may have other reasons for telling you this.

If we want to move in together how does that work? Who pays what? We both have jobs and are about equal in pay. Advice?

All this should be talked about BEFORE moving in together. It sounds like just splitting the financial obligations and household duties would work out pretty well. You would probably benefit from a few sessions with a couples' counselor.

There's a creepy guy at work who won't leave me alone. I reported him to HR but they haven't done a damn thing. My bf is upset and says if nobody does anything he will. I'm not sure what to do.

He can go with you and support you, but he should not interfere. This is a self-esteem issue on your part. It's hard, but you need to put on your big girl pants and deal with it. You need to learn to stand up for yourself.

My gf's father scares the hell out of me. He's a really big dude and is all tatted up. My gf says he's a big teddy bear but IDK. How do I get past this.

Try getting to know him. Looks can be deceiving. He may be a very nice guy, just big. Don't pass judgment too early if you want to keep her. However, treat her well, or he'll eat you for breakfast!! ??

Are there ever times where you can fall out of love for no particular reason? I just don't have the same feelings for my bf anymore.

Even though you may not know the reason, there are always reasons. The short answer is "yes", you can fall out of love just like you fell in love. Sometimes it's as simple as realizing the person is not everything you thought he/she was.

I am so tired of my gf's father being critical of her. I'd like to punch the guy. I know it upset her but she just says it's the way he is. What do I do? It really bugs me.

I can certainly understand why it would upset you, but it's their relationship. She is going to need some professional help to figure out what she wants the relationship with her father to look like. Basically, you need to stay out of it.

Marijuana is now legal where I live. I don't know why my gf continues to give me a hard time. Her argument before was that it was illegal. That's gone. How do I get her to back off? I really don't smoke that much anyway.

Even if it's legal now for you, the basic question is this- Is using mj really worth losing your gf over? That really will answer your question for yourself. Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?

I met my bf online. It's been awesome. I'm worried that it won't last. What can I do to make sure?

There are no guarantees in relationships. All you can do is live in the moment. If you worry about the past, you'll be depressed. If you worry about the future, you'll be anxious. Leave them alone, and live in the moment.

My gf is moody. I'm not sure what to do. When things are good, they are really good. But when she flips out, she really flips out. I don't know if I can get used to it. I think she needs to get some help. What do I say?

Certainly, there is the possibility that she is bipolar. It's very difficult even for a professional. You can be honest with her and tell her what you are observing. If she flips out, you'll have to make a choice. It's unhealthy to stay in a relationship like you describe.

We are a gay couple with two sons. Our older son brought his girlfriend over for dinner. It was great. The problem is that her parents blew up about her coming to dinner after they found out we are gay. Our son is really upset. What do we say.

This truly is a job for a therapist who has a lot of experience with families with gay or lesbian parents. That therapist will be a great resource for you. Your son also needs help getting through this time.

Why can't my bf just say "I love You"? He just smiles and kisses me. I'm beginning to think he really doesn't love me.

The language of love differs from person to person. He may be telling you in his "language" that he loves you. Just ask him nicely. Start by telling him that you're a little bit confused. Don't attack him, or it may backfire.

What's the proper amount of time before dating someone who has been going with one of your good friends? Do I ask for permission or what?

There is no formal proper amount of time. There is the unwritten "guy" rule that says if it's within about 6 months, you should just inform them. I'm not in favor of that, but some guys feel obligated to their friends. I know that many females also have this unstated rule.

I'm a bisexual female. I'm in a relationship with a male and a female. The female has no problem with it but the male does. I don't want to lose him but IDK. Is he just being controlling?

Generally speaking, it's harder for a male because it seems to question their manhood. It's not rational, but it occurs. If you're happy with your situation, don't change. If he decides to leave, that's on him.

I'm going with my high school gf. People say I'm supposed to go date other women but I don't want to. Are they right?

"People" often give advice for which they have no expertise. You do not necessarily have to go "sow your wild oats" first. If you've got a great relationship with her, keep it. I know many wonderful couples who were high school sweethearts. Go with your heart.

My parents won't let me date this guy just because they don't like his politics. I'm 17 so I think I'm old enough to decide. But I don't want to disrespect them. Can you give me some ideas please?

Politics is one of the great dividers. I would sit down and talk with them about keeping an open mind about the kind of person he is as opposed to his political views. Ultimately and unfortunately, you may still have to take sides.

I met this girl online. It turns out she dated a friend of mine a long time ago. Do I tell him about her? Do I ask him about her? I'm not sure what to do.

There's no reason you can't gather information. However, keep in mind that his version of what happened or how she functions is only his side of the story. If you are interested in her, keep an open mind and form your own opinion.


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