Dr. Andrew

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My bf is a very big football player. He is also really smart. My friends are really afraid of him and stay away. How do I get them to see that he is a really sweet person?

Just keep bringing him around. There is nothing that you can say or do that will change their minds. They will have to experience him for themselves. I played football in college. I wrote an article in the college newspaper. I actually had someone say to me, "Wow, I didn't realize you could write that well." I responded with, "Thanks, I didn't realize you could read that well!"

I am a female in high school. Another female and I have been hooking up. I’m afraid to tell my parents because they are so far to the right and religious. Is there a way to tell them that won’t explode on me?

The best suggestion I can give you is to seek out a local LGBT support group. You will be talking to women who have been through exactly what you are going through and will be able to guide you much better than just a short response here. Be yourself, be respectful, but you are who you are. Don't be ashamed of that.

I Have feelings for this guy and he knows... He acts like he liked me but I don't know if he does it just to make me feel better...

Give it some time. Go easy, and you'll know soon enough. Don't go for the instant gratification. It makes for a very shallow relationship. Since you say he knows how you feel, just let it play out. If its meant to be, it will happen. If not, you will have to move on. In the meantime just keep letting him know he is important to you, otherwise he may back off thinking that you don't care for him.

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My mom & dad are divorced since I was 3. My dad cheated on my mom. I am getting married next year. I really don’t want my dad there. My bf says to let it go and invite him so there are no hurt feelings. What do you think?

Your bf is a nice guy and will probably make a wonderful husband, but he doesn't understand how deeply your dad hurt you and the family. My guess is that he was also an absentee father, and you have feelings of abandonment about him. Your wedding day should be special for both of you. Surround yourselves with people who have loved and supported you. Ask your bf to please respect your wishes on this one. If your father had been a bigger part of your life, you wouldn't be having these feelings.

Me and this guy have been going together online for 3 months. Since its online, am I cheating if I go out with some other guy?

Every person has her/his own definition of cheating. The obvious ones are universal, but its the others that are the gray area. Former president Prez Bill thought he had a way around it by saying, "It depends what the definition of "is" is." The best thing to do with an online relationship is to establish what the rules are before you get heavily involved.

Our granddaughter brings her boyfriend over to our house. Her parents, our son & wife, don’t like him, but we find him very nice. They want us to forbid them from coming over. We don’t want to be in the middle. What do we do?

You need to tell your son and d-i-l exactly that. They are putting you in the middle. As long as your granddaughter and her boyfriend are respectful and enjoy your company, there is no reason to forbid them to come over. It sends the wrong message. You obviously have a very special relationship with your granddaughter. Don't give that up. Sounds like she needs you a lot right now.

I’m a college student in California. When am I supposed to know I have “consent for sex” with a girl?

What the law is designed to do is to make sue that both parties are consenting and not under duress, intoxicated, drugged or whatever. As the law states, just simply not saying anything is not consent. Too many guys still operate with the "No means maybe, and maybe means yes" mentality. That has to stop. Too many women are being sexually assaulted by males with the "well, she didn't say stop" as an excuse. Real men don't pressure women into sex. Shame on you if you are one of those males.

I need your help. Twitter user lifeofthepartyy physically assaulted my 7 year old son at a Cub Scouts meeting. Are you aware of any online services where I can report her anonymously? I don't want to see her do the same thing to any other kids, but I'm at a loss! I appreciate it. Thank you.

You can make an anonymous call to any law enforcement agency, and if your son was assaulted, I would absolutely urge you to do so. However, I would not do it anonymously. I would go to the precinct and file a formal report. If you are opposed to this, most states in the US have a child protective agency. I'm not familiar with regulations in other countries. Anybody wanna jump in here?

What's with the small, innocent touches you, guys, make?

I dunno. What's with the small innocent touches you ladies make? Hmmm. I believe it's called flirting. The sexes have been doing it for a very long time, and most people certainly hope it continues. It's nonverbal communication of the best kind. Enjoy it unless you are uncomfortable and then give a very clear message to stop.

How can I make him hold my hands while were walking?

Don't worry about his hand to start. Hold on to his arm in a gentle way and gradually work your way down to his hand. Unless he is a zombie, he'll get the hint. Sometimes the indirect approach works best. He may not realize what you want. Sometimes we males need to have it made obvious.

I lost my phone weeks ago and that means me and my hmm boyfie (idk, he stil doesn't court me but we like each other) can only talk personal (yeah, he's not into sns) & yesterday, i got my new phone but he doesn't texts me. How do I make him text me first?

Maybe he thinks the 2 of you are too close. Give him some space. How often are u texting him? U can always try telling him how much it means to u when he texts, how good it makes u feel to know he's thinking of you. Lay it on thick. Don't be needy otherwise he may never court you.

My girlfriend and I have incredible sex. But sometimes, like a few hours afterwards, she starts crying. I keep asking her what's wrong but she says that she is okay. Thoughts?

Your gf needs some help that only a professional can give her. There are obviously very deep emotions that are stirred up, perhaps of early traumas. She probably doesn't want to ruin the relationship with you, so she's not willing to burden you with any emotional baggage. Tell her that because you care for her, you want her to get help so that she doesn't have the emotional pain that is so evident.

There been two times I been at my gf’s house and her mother been passed out on the couch. I don’t say nothing but my gf starts crying. How can I help her about her mother?

Your go's mother is a full-blown alcoholic. The best and most helpful thing you can do for your gf is to take her to an Alanon meeting. That way she will be able to talk to people who have been and are going through the same thing she is. It will also help you because you will have better tools with which to support her. It's got to be uncomfortable for both of you, but your gf is ashamed and embarrassed. Just give her your love and support.

My gf is clearly in charge of our relationship, and I'm not embarrassed to admit it. Unfortunately she is very insecure and will punish me at night if she feels like I did something wrong during the day. at first it was fun but now she's taking it way too far witg bondage toys

If you are allowing her total control over your relationship, which doesn't seem to bother you, then you are going to have to put up with whatever she dishes out. Are you sure that this is the way you want things to go? If you don't step up, don't expect anything to change.

Me and my ex were HEAVILY into bondage when we were dating. We've since broken up and I'm looking for a more "vanilla" relationship, but I've noticed it's kind of hard to be excited about normal sex. is there a way to completely rid myself of my love for bondage?

If bondage really turned you on, it has attached itself to the pleasure center in your brain. It has created a pathway in your brain just as a drug does. If you really want to work on this, you will need professional help from a therapist who has a high level of expertise in the area. Otherwise you will continue to be in conflict.

Should I get an HPV vaccination? I heard they are dangerous.

There are always the anti-vaccination people. The HPV vaccination has been shown to be safe and effective. There are always some people who react negatively to any vaccinations, but that should not stop most people from getting them. If you want dangerous, think about what HPV can lead to.

Me and this guy have been going out for about a month. This other girl keeps hitting on him. It’s getting to the point where I wanna bitch slap her but I’m trying to keep my cool. Any suggestions?

If he is on board, I suggest the two of you confronting her on what she is doing. If he is not on board, then he's part of the problem and problem enjoying the cat fight over him. In that case, he's not worth it. Don't do anything that makes you look like the out of control problem.

I think I'm in the friend zone. Is there any way out? I would like to be her bf.

Just be around her and continue to be a friend. You can not force her to have feelings. They will either be there or they won't. If you want to learn more about relationships and what to do, you can always get our Love Shopping List book from any one of the sites listed: http://bit.ly/BuyTheLSLBook
That way you will have more information. In the meantime just remain a good guy.

I've had a huge crush on my co worker for the last 2yrs. Over the summer, she lost a lot of weight and is now even more attractive. She told me that she hates how guys are hitting on her now only because she is thinner, so how do I ask her out without seeming like one of those guys?

Just take it slowly. Be honest with her and tell her that you don't want her to think that you are hitting on her, but that you really are interested. Add that she can talk to you about what is going on. Validate her feelings by telling her that you have observed exactly what she is talking about.

When ever me an d my bf go out his mother texts him. I’m 18 and he’s 19. He doesn’t act like a mama’s boy, but … I’m just saying. How do I politely stop her?

Try talking to your bf about it. He needs to step up and set limits with her. He should also shut his phone off. That way you don't have to deal with any of her stuff. That's a temporary solution, but it will lead to a bigger solution.

How much am I supposed to spend on my gf for Valentine’s Day? Is there a standard amount?

Don't put yourself in debt. Definitely get something but only what you can afford. There is no standard amount. Valentine's Day is one of our favorites since that's the day that I proposed to my wife. All I could afford was a card and a flower. I've made up for that since.

My gf’s father is a really scary dude. I’m intimidated every time I go over to her house. She says he just looks scary but I feel like one mistake and he’s coming after me. What do other guys do

Find out from your gf what he is most interested in and then look it up and get information. You then have a good basis for talking with him. That will break down the walls and make you feel more comfortable. It's perfectly natural to be intimidated by a gf's father since he is likely to be very protective over his daughter. I know because I was that scary dude.

My go’s little bro is really obnoxious. I’ve tried just being friendly but he follows us wherever we go. He is 14 and we are 17. It pisses my gf off too and her parents won’t do anything about it. Idea?

Since her parents won't do anything about it, the best thing to do is just not be around him. Pick up your gf, be polite and say hello to everyone, and then leave. Eventually, her parents may ask why the two of you are never around, and then you can tell them.

I feel like my go’s parents don’t feel I’m good enough for her. We are both in our first year of college, and I’m a good student. How do I convince them I’m okay. It really bugs me.

You don't need to convince anyone. You just need to be yourself. If you try to be someone you are not, it will just blow up in your face. Your gf is going to have to make a decision as to how she feels. If she still wants to have you as her bf, she needs to talk with her parents. Otherwise you just need to move on.

How do I get over my bf cheating on me?

Cheating is one of the hardest issues to get through in any relationship, even if you break off the relationship. Time alone does not diminish the feelings. It creates all kinds of emotions: How could I be so stupid; I'm so angry; I'm so sad; I never want to be in a relationship again; etc. Time will help, but it will also help to talk with someone who can help you process your feelings, and that's not just your friends. Short term therapy will definitely help.


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