Dr. Andrew

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Both of us are naturalized citizens. The problem is both families want us to come back home and they each are from different countries. We like being independent. Are we being selfish by not moving closer to our parents?

You are not being selfish at all. You are being grown ups who are allowed and should make grown up decisions that are in your best interest. I can tell you it's difficulty having children and grandchildren living far away, but if it's in their best interest, I respect that. It's not all about your relatives. It's all about the two of you.

We have a big mess. My aunt and uncle and my bf’s aunt and uncle do not like each other because of a business deal from long before we were dating. They have each said if the other comes to the wedding the other won’t. We love both of them and are sad about this. Is there any way to fix this?

It's not your job to fix it. Shame on them for putting you in that position. Using your wedding as warfare stinks. All you can do is to tell each couple that you would love for them to attend but will respect any decisions they make. Whoever doesn't come will wind up the loser.

My bf smokes weed. He says its all going to be legal soon so he doesn’t see why I’m upset. Am I overreacting by telling him I can’t go with a druggie?

That is a personal choice you make. While he is probably right about being legal in the future, that doesn't mean you have to accept his using. While you can't and should not control him, you certainly are in control of yourself and can choose the behaviors you wish to be around. It's up to him as to whether his weed or you are more important.

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Our families are acting crazy about the upcoming election. Me and my gf are trying to stay out of arguments but they keep trying to drag us in. I mean full blown screaming takes place. I’m sure we are not the only ones that feel like this. How do we shut them up?

I'll assume you are talking about the U.S. elections. People have lost their minds and gone stark raving crazy. There is nothing you can do or say that will make a difference, so don't even try. Even if you agree with EVERYTHING, they will still rant. Just walk away. It won't calm down until after the elections. Wear noise cancelling headphones around them. Maybe they'll get the hing :-)

That still live in his condo building. I'm just not sure. I want to believe him but he tells me there are a lot of girls after him, still. Help!!

It sounds like your boyfriend is not yet ready to settle down. I would suggest being very cautious in this relationship so that you don't get hurt. It is highly unlikely he that he has changed his personality completely. Generally speaking, players continue to play.

my BF has a history of cheating. We've been dating for 7 months but didn't meet until five months ago. He looks way different than before, has gained some weight and unsure of himself. Tells me I'm his first real "love" and would never cheat yet also tells me of some girls he's been with sexually

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Me and my gf been going together for almost a year. We been talking about getting married. Is there a right amount of time to do this. We both come from divorced families and don’t want to repeat.

There is no "right" time when it comes to getting married. I can certainly understand why the two of you would like some type of assurance, but there is none. You've been going together long enough to pretty much know if it's going to work. Especially since both of you come from divorced families, it would be an excellent idea to get some pre marital counseling to work out any of the kinks before they get too tight.
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I don’t get the big deal about manners when dating. What’s the big deal if you use the wrong fork or glass? Too much judgement.

Proper manners indicates a certain degree of refinement. It differentiates us from pigs at a trough. Whether you agree or not, people will judge others on lots of different things. Yes, some people get too picky, but in general proper manners are well regarded by others. Also be aware that proper manners may differ somewhat from culture to culture, so be sure to check that out as well.

Are online invitations like eVite ok for something as big as a shower for wedding? My auntie says it has to be more formal.

Even though this is 2016, many people think that big occasions should still use the more formal way. It's really up to the people. I'm not sure we are at a point where eVites are yet totally acceptable for formal occasions, so maybe the best way to go is to do both. That way no one can criticize. Okay, someone will, but ignore it.

Me and my gf have become almost like just roommates. We’ve talked about it but we can’t figure out what happened. It’s not that we don’t like each other. We just are plain vanilla, not very exciting. What could have happened?

There's usually a spark at the beginning of any relationship. The key is to keep the spark alive. After years of working with couples, I've found that when they stop doing many of the activities where they had so much fun, they become "plain vanilla" and get bored. If you continue to struggle, I recommend seeing a couples' therapist.

I couldn’t find a decent guy and then all of a sudden I meet two guys who are almost identical. They are both super great. Now what? How do I figure this out. Neither know that the other exists.

One of the things I would suggest is our app, Love Shopping List. It will help you "fine tune" your selection. Give it some time and one will begin to rise to the top. Ultimately, it will be who you feel best with. I wouldn't wait too long because it will get too complicated, and you will run the risk of losing both.

My bf’s sister is a tranie. I don’t have any trouble with it at all. In fact I really like hanging out with her and shopping. The problem is my parents are freaked. I’ve tried introducing her to them but they won’t do it. Any suggestions?

All you can do is keep telling them what a wonderful person she and how much fun she is. It's all a matter of education. Don't try to argue with them or debate the situation. It won't do you any good and will only cause them to dig their heels in. Just keep on message.

Me and my bf have been together for almost two years. I’ve never seen him drink more than one drink but he just got a DUI. He says he was with his buds and just had too much. My father was an abusive alcoholic so this is really tough for me. What do I do? Should I trust him?

Since he has no pattern of drinking, let's give him the benefit of the doubt but with this warning to him: "I appreciate your honesty, but I am not happy about what happened. You know the situation with my father. This is not something I can or will tolerate. If you would like to continue our relationship, you have to assure me that this will never happen again. I can't control your decisions, but I can control mine."

I've been to all sorts of BDSM social events and I still can't find a gf. Most of the women are much older than me, and they show me very little respect.

There's an old country western song -- Lookin' for Love in All the Wrong Places.
That's your problem. Those events are for one thing and one thing only. Change venues

I visit a dominatrix at least once every 2 months, but the last time I visited her she made a remark that I'm too young to be to paying for her services, (I'm 23) and she suggested that I put myself out there more. I know I should be socializing, but it's really hard for me to do so.

Sounds like a wise woman to me. Get some more experience and you'll probably enjoy THE experience more.

Is it wrong to tell women that I'm only interested in sex? I'm really not ready for a relationship, and isn't it better that I'm upfront with my intentions?

Unless you are with a woman who is after the same thing, I doubt you'll have much sex if you just come out and say that. As you know, there are certainly friends with benefits. As long as two people are upfront about things and honest, it's fine. But it takes two people. Keep in mind that even "just sex" involves emotions. You may find yourself deeper than you think.

I’ve been going with this guy for almost a year. Our problem is intimacy. He’s just not getting it. It’s not his equipment. I get frustrated. What do you recommend?

tough area because guys like to think of themselves as good lovers. Guide him to what you want. Take your hand and guide him. Ask him what he likes. He'll be much happier knowing he is pleasing you.

I masturbated for the first time last night (I'm 30) But I'm curious because I got really nauseous before ejaculation. Is that normal? I also heard that can happen due to dehydration.

I'm sorry, but I find it hard to believe that at 30 it's your first time. In any even what you experienced falls within the limits of normal. Hydration can cause lots of problems. Don't let yourself get hydrated.

I really want to be in a Adult nursing Relationship, but how do I approach a woman and let her know those are my intentions?

Start out by being a friend first and see where it goes. Taking it slowly is always a good way to go. Find common interests and go from there.

Me and my gf slept over my aunt and uncle’s house. We didn’t think it was a big deal. My mom (uncle is her brother) went nuts. Now they are not talking. I feel responsible. I wasn’t hiding anything. Should I try to mediate between them.

That's between them. You weren't sneaking around, so you have nothing to be ashamed of. Let them figure it out. My guess is there is something left over from their childhood that has resurface. Don't try to mediate. It's not something for which you are trained and will only cause more problems for you and your gf.

Me and this other guy really like each other. It hasn’t led to sex yet but it will. Both of us are really worried about what other students will say at school especially since we are both on the football team.. Should we just chill until after the season?

It's really up to the two of you and the culture of your school. You shouldn't have to make choices, but in reality you do. Of course, there are gays and lesbians in sports, but it's a tough path to walk in high school, especially in a sport like football. If you are uncomfortable with it wait, but if you want to be true to yourselves, full speed ahead.

My gf broke up with me in a text — a friggin text! WTF? I am heartbroken because I don’t know why. I’m crying all the time. Should I confront her or what? My friends just tell me to move on but it’s hard.

There is no use in confronting her. I think some people think it's okay to do everything via text these days. I may be old fashioned, but I think there are certain things that people should do face to face. This is one of them. Follow your friends' advice and move on even though it's hard.

This girl and me met online. We’ve actually gone out a couple of times. The problem is I can’t find a whole lot of info on her. Every time I ask anything that might yield some info she changes the subject. We get along really well but …

There are companies online that you can have someone thoroughly checked out. This is certainly a case where it would be worth the fee. I agree that in this day and age it is suspicious that there is no information online, especially since that's how you two are communicating. One way or the other you will have peace of mind by knowing what's really going on.

My mom and dad keep using me and my bro as “witnesses” like its in court. We don’t want them to get divorced. I’m 17 and my bro is 15. My bf says we need to stay out of it but we are talking about our family breaking up. Can you offer some advice please?

You are both old enough to ask your parents to sit down for a talk. You two need to tell them exactly what they are doing and how it makes you feel. Be very specific. Tell them that you don't want to hear anything negative from either of them about the other. You can even go so far as to say they are acting like two middle school children. Be polite when you talk with them. Rehearse what you want to say.

There’s this girl I really like. She’s from central America and doesn’t speak really good English. Everybody treats her bad. It pisses me off. She is super smart and we communicate well. I get very angry. She tells me I should not be around her because of the others. That’s bull. Now what?

Good for you for standing up, and yes, as you say, that's bull. Tell her that it is your privilege to be with her and that you WANT to be. Shame on all the bullies. In a short time they will want to be friends with both of you because you will help her be so successful.


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