Dr. Andrew

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We are a biracial couple. We've been told that having children will make it harder on them. Is that true?

There is a difference between what should be and what is. There will be people who will be very accepting, but there are also those who still hold onto the idea that, while possibly not prejudiced against a particular race or culture, just feel those should not be mixed. Of course, some are outwardly prejudiced. So, it all depends on the people involved.

My sister has turned into a bridezilla. I really don't want to be her maid of honor anymore. What do I do?

Not unusual. Just chalk it up to the pressure. Sometimes people need love when they deserve it the least. Be a good sister, and be her maid of honor.

My husband does not realize his words and his body language do not match. He thinks he's not getting mad but he is. Can this be corrected?

Yes, it can, but with a lot of work. His SIQ (social intelligence quotient is lacking. It will take a great deal of work, but it can be helped.

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My dad cheated on my mom a bunch of times. I really don't want him at my wedding. Some people say I will regret that. Your thoughts?

You and your fiancee are the one's who should decide who does and who does not come to your wedding. That being said, no, you won't necessarily regret it especially considering what he did.

Me and this other guy are very close. Some people think we are gay but we are really just like two very close brothers. Why can't people accept that?

It's the reverse gender prejudice. Anytime two men are really close, many assume they are gay. I would not worry much about it. People are sometimes just ignorant.

My mom died and my bf's father died at about the same time. Now they are dating. This is weird. What do I say to people?

You don't need to say anything. They are both finding their way through the grief and into "Chapter 2" of their lives. People should be happy for them.

My gf can't bring herself to say I love you when I say it to her. I know she does but why can't she just say it? I've asked but she doesn't know.

People communicate in different ways and not necessarily how their partners do. As long as she does everything that shows you, just give her time. If it's to be, she'll come around.

I'm 22 and my bf is 32. Some say that's too big a gap. Is it?

I personally don't think of that as much of a gap, even as you both age. I'm a believer that age is not a barrier to a relationship unless it's going to interfere in the couple's life. Even then, let's not be so quick to judge.

My gf insists on picking out my clothes every morning. I don't have a problem but my friends say that means she's way too controlling. Am I in denial about what's really happening.

If you are not particularly into clothes (like me), let her pick them. If you are now getting compliments on how you're dressing, that's even more reason just to go along with it. As a "clothing-disabled male" I appreciate having my clothes picked out.

My bf's mother wants her new bf to escort him down the aisle with her for our wedding. I think this is ridiculous since they've only been going out for a month. Neither me or my bf think this is right but we don't want to upset his mother. Now what?

It depends on how strongly you both feel. Sit with her and explain your position. Ultimately, she may have to choose between doing it your way or not walking down the aisle. My guess is that she just feels more secure, but it's YOUR wedding.

Whenever I ask my bf what he wants to do he always responds that he's happy with whatever I want. I know this sounds sweet but I'd like him to take the lead once in a while. What should I say?

Instead of getting upset, just set up where the two of you alternate on what you're going to do and where. That usually works well.

My cousin is going out with this guy. They're both in their 60's and so are we. Whenever we are together he makes creepy old man comments about the females around us. My cousin doesn't seem to mind but I do. What should I do?

Talk to your cousin first that it makes you uncomfortable. Ask her to talk to him. If that doesn't work, you either have to put up with it or just say, "It makes me uncomfortable when you make comments like that." Maybe he'll get the hint.

My bf's grandchildren have started treating me like their grandmother. We've only been dating 4 months. I think this is too soon. What do you think?

Seriously? Do you realize how unusual that is? Accept it and enjoy every moment feeling blessed that they are accepting you in that way.

My bf was arrested on felony charges but has had charges reduced to misdemeanors. I've told him on job applications he has to tell the truth about the felonies. He says they are no longer felonies because those charges were dropped. Am I dating a felon?

This is an interesting question. I checked with some attorney friends. They've said that as long as the felony charges were vacated, your bf is correct, so no ... maybe.

My gf wants me to get manicures and pedicures. I'm not into that but she insists. I'm a mechanic so my hands get messed up everyday anyway. What do I do?

Your gf wants you to have nice looking hands. Can you blame her? Don't fight it if it makes her happy. I'm a professional but I also enjoy working on mechanical things like cars. I wear gloves. Try it.

I tried using your app Love Shopping List but two guys came out almost exactly the same. Now what?

The app is designed to empower you, not to make the final choice. There is always the intangible "love chemistry" factor. Go with your heart.

Is there really a chemical reaction in the brain for love? My bf says there is but IDK if he's just playing me.

Yes, absolutely there is. Research has been done by either having pictures of multiple people including a significant other or actually have different people in person. The brain definitely "lights up" in the presence of love.

My gf has a wicked sense of humor. Everyone else in my family thinks she's critical. They don't get her. What do I do?

People will always judge. Just tell them that they are entitled to their opinions but to please be respectful and accepting of your decisions and judgement.

Me and my bf want to get genetic testing. Is that a good idea?

While those tests are fun and often revealing, remember they are unregulated right now. As an example, insurance companies can get the information and use it to rate people on policies. Maybe the laws will change, but not now.

Is it ok that people of different religions marry each other? I heard it can start some real problems. Is that true?

There are many couples of mixed lots of things including religion. It all depends on the couple and how they communicate. Certainly, religion can become a problem in a relationship, but only if the two people let it. Get some professional help.

Me and my gf have lots of friends but some of my friends don't like her and some of her friends don't like me. These are people we've known a long time. What do we do?

In my opinion you should only keep the friends who are supportive of the two of you being together. Don't even waste your time trying to convince the others. They're not respecting the two of you as a couple.

Me and my gf make about the same amount of money. When we go out we always split the bill. Some of her friends are telling her that I should be paying because I'm the guy. What's up with that?

The two of you are handling it in a way that makes both of you comfortable. That's all that matters. I say to ignore. Tell your gf not to get defensive. Don't try to convince them. It will only frustrate her.

We want to get married. My parents are pretty well off but hers are not. How do we plan the wedding?

The parents need to meet and be honest with each other about what they can afford. Marriage should not put the parents into debt.

What advice would you give to couples wanting to get married?

Go to a professional who has expertise with couples. Do some pre-marital couple's counseling, and bring up any issues you have. The pro will also be able to bring up questions you've not even thought of.

My bf's ex keeps interfering in our relationship. How do I politely get her to stop? It's creating a lot of trouble.

It shouldn't be you, it should be your bf. He needs to man up and shut her down. His ex will only get satisfaction from your reaction if you interfere.


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