Dr. Andrew

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I loaned my gf $1K about 6 months ago. When I asked for it back she said she thought it was a gift. We get along perfectly so I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to do anything that might screw with our relationship. Should I just let it go?

It depends what you think your relationship is worth. It sounds like you didn't make it clear, so it's a lesson for next time

Hi Dr. Andrew... I'd like to stay anonymous. It's not really a question but much of a state. It's that I get scared to talk to attractive girls at all times, as an example, I'd go up to her and I wouldn't know what to say at and I've been single my whole life. What can I do to help gain confidence?

The best advice is to study the news. That way you'll have lots to talk about. Talk is difficult for a lot of people. Just keep working on it and the confidence will come
Liked by: Aman Singh

I’m married, in my early 30’s, and have 2 kids. I got involved with this other guy and I don’t know how to stop. I know what’s at risk. Don’t know if I have a sex addiction. ??

You need to get to a therapist ASAP. That's the only way your whole family will survive. If not, know that you were warned.

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My wife got drunk at a wedding AGAIN. Not sure what to do. I don’t want to live the rest of my life with this giant question mark over our relationship. How do I help her? Our friends have made comments to me, too.

It sounds like she's an alcoholic. You should go to an Alanon meeting to see how others in your similar situation handle it. Be kind. She's sick

My brother in law has been an asshole to me. My big sis has always been my idol. I don’t want to lose her but I’m not willing to put up with his shit. As her little sister I always liked doing stuff with her. Now I’m angry every time I see them. I’m worried about saying something. What do I do?

Stand up for yourself but in a respectful way. You don't need to stoop to his level, but you do need to let him know you won't tolerate his disrespect.

My bf had surgery and now he’s taking oxy on a regular basis. I think he’s addicted but he’s says he’ll stop as soon as the pain stops. How do I figure out about his addiction? I love him and it hurts to know he may be an addict.

You can't. He needs to talk with his doctor. Pain management is tricky. He may have to go through detox. Be supportive and let him know how much you care.

I am getting a lot of shit from my whole family because my gf is not our religion. I don’t know what to do. They all say I’m being disrespectful. Am I? I don’t think so. It’s like the more they complain the more I feel like running away with her.

Very difficult choice. Ultimately it's your decision. Mixed marriages/relationships can be hard when you are being pulled by family traditions. Go with your heart.

I recently found out my gf is a scarf and barf freak. I told her if she does this again I’m gone. She has promised me but I don’t know if I can trust her. Do I tell her parents? I know she needs help but I feel like she has lied to me and I’m pissed.

Your gf is sick. She needs help. Hiding it is part of the disease. If you really love her, be supportive not punishing. That would only drive her further into her sickness.

My aunt and uncle are my legal guardians. My mom is in prison and I don’t know who my father is. I want to get married. My mom has asked me to wait until she gets out but me and my bf want to get married when I turn 18 and she’s not out for 2 years after that. What’s the right thing to do?

The right thing to do is whatever the two of you decide. If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to make those kind of decisions. You don't have to wait for your mother unless you want to.

I met this guy online. He seems really neat but I’m worried because of rumors I hear about online dating. How do I check him out? He has never given me any reason to doubt his identity but you never know.

There are services that will do very thorough background checks. I always recommend that people do that even when not online. Removes any doubt, and not that expensive.

Me and my gf are getting serious about marriage. The problem is she acts goofy when we go out. She gets a few drinks in her and acts like she’s a teenager.. This concerns me and I’ve told her. She says she’s just enjoying herself. Am I overreacting?

You are not overreacting at all. Whether she's married or not, she has shown you how she acts when drinking. She's not just enjoying herself, she's drunk and acting stupid. Alcoholic behaviors don't stop just because of marriage. Try a relationship counselor to express your concerns. Maybe a therapist can get through since she's not listening to you.

My parents don’t like this guy I’ve been dating. I’m 18 but they say I can’t live at home if I keep dating this guy. I don’t have the resources to move out right now so I’m caught on what to do. They say they can’t sit by and watch me ruin my life. His history is not good but I think he’s changed.

You are 18, so you're going to have to make an adult choice. As long as you are living in their house, and, by your own admission, he does not have a good history, maybe you should think about why they feel so strongly about not having you see him. Maybe they are right.

I’ve been really close to my aunt and uncle. Now they are getting a divorce and I’m not sure what to do. My aunt is my mom’s sister but my uncle is a really neat guy. How do I not take sides? I want to keep them both.

They are not divorcing you. Certainly you can stay in touch with both of them. And if anyone asks, just say that you are close with both of them.

I made some really stupid decisions when I was a teenager and spent some time in juvie. At what point do I need to tell a girl if we’ve gone out a couple of times? I don’t want to scare them off but I don’t want to be dishonest either.

You don't need to tell a date until such time as the relationship gets serious. It's not being dishonest. Sometimes people give way too much info early on in a relationship.

I’m married but separated. One of my old high school classmates has contacted me online. He wants to get together. I’m not sure what to do. My husband wants to do marriage counseling. I don’t want to be unhappy with my choice. How do I handle this?

You can't have it both ways. If you decide to work on your marriage, I can tell you it won't work with one foot out the door. You either give 100% to the marriage or let it go.

I got stupid drunk and slept with my bf’s bff. I feel really guilty (he was very drunk too). I don’t know if it’s a good idea to tell my bf. I know it was a mistake but I don’t want to ruin a good thing. Help!

You've already ruined a good thing. I can't and won't tell you what you should do because I'm not in your situation. I can only ask what YOU think you should do. That's the most important. If you are absolutely sure that he won't say a word, maybe you can keep quiet. However, if your bf finds out through someone else, you're screwed. If your relationship is really serious, you should seek professional help to try to work things through.

I happen to be a female athlete and in good shape. The problem is my bf keeps fat shaming other girls. He is always complimentary to me but it upsets me when he makes fun of other females. He treats me really well so I don’t want to blow the relationship off. How should I handle this?

Your bf is a bully. I know you don't want to lose him, but you need to stand up for your sisters. You don't have to be mean about it, at least not to start. You can explain your feelings to him. If he doesn't get the hint, you need to give him an ultimatum. Either he stops or he loses you. You need to know he'll do the same to you if you gain weight.

I am in my mid 30’s. Unfortunately, I had to have a breast removed because of cancer. I’ve had reconstructive surgery. Here’s my problem. When a guy tries to get intimate and “caresses” my boobs, it freaks me out to the point I shut down. How do I explain what I’ve been through?

There are many support groups with women who have been through similar situations. They would be able to offer you far better advice than I could. I've spoken to women about the feeling of loss that surround the surgery, but these women have had first hand experience about love, relationships, surgery, and the feelings you are describing. Take care of yourself, and may you stay healthy.

My bf has never dissed me but his buds are always saying crude things around me. I’ve tried just smiling but they keep going. I don’t want to seem like a prude. Do I say something or just let it go?

Absolutely you say something. Shame on your bf for not putting a stop to it, but you don't need him to stick up for you. Let them know that you find them and their comments disgusting, and they need to knock it off and not act like they are still in elementary school. And THEN your bf should say something, too. If he doesn't, he is spineless. Move on.

I never knew why my aunt was excluded from our family functions. I happened to see her at a store and started to talk. She is super cool so I’ve started to communicate online with her. My family cut her off because she is a lesbian. I now have 2 aunts. I’m not sure I want to tell my parents.

That's up to you as to when/if you say anything. Congrats on accepting your aunts. It speaks to the kind of person you are. I would guess you will tell your family at some point, because it will let them know that you are a very open minded person who respects everyone.

My husband is way overprotective of our daughter. She is right that he didn’t do the same with our son. She is furious at him for the double standard. I’ve tried to mediate between them but it doesn’t go anywhere and I’m worried he will lose her. I need to know how other parents of daughters han

The best advice would be to have both of them sit down together. Your husband is masking his fear with toughness. He needs to explain to her why he is so concerned and overprotective. Your daughter needs to see the emotional side of him and that he's not just a control freak. Fathers will always be overprotective of their daughters, or at least they should be. I know I was.

I am forever grateful to my grandparents for helping raise me. My dad died when I was 2 and my mom was working crazy hours to make sure we were ok. I’m betting married and want all three to walk me down the aisle. Do you think this is ok. I don’t want to offend my mom.

I don't think it would offend your mom at all. In fact, I think she would be grateful that you acknowledged your grandparents in that way. Enjoy your special day.

These girls at school are treating me really mean. This guy I’ve known since I was 2 and I have gotten pretty close. They have started to spread rumors that aren’t true about me. I think this is to try to break us up. It makes me really nervous to see them in the halls. Do I say something?

If you are not a confident person, you may come across as guilty because of your body language - eyes down, shoulders slumped, etc. If you make the decision to says something, practice what you want to say by videoing yourself and watching your body language. On the other hand, if you are a very confident person, then you probably already know how to handle it. To quote Helen Reddy's song from 1971, "I am woman, hear me roar." Go for it.

This girl has accused this guy of attacking her. I know it isn’t true because he was with me … at a hotel. I don’t know what to do because if my parents found out I’d be in real trouble. Is there some way I can help him without them finding out? I’ve not been able to sleep for 3 days.

While you may get in trouble with your parents, this guy could get in much more trouble, including jail, and have his whole life ruined. You are holding this young man's whole future in your hands. Please do the right thing.

My little sis is going with a real douche. We all go to the same school, so I know his rep. I’m really worried since I’ve heard lots of stuff about him. I’ve tried to talk with her but she can’t see what I see. I don’t want her to get hurt. Maybe I should have a talk with the guy.

I'll bet you told her what to do instead of just presenting facts. Great that you are protective of your sis, but you can't bubble wrap her. Give her the info, and let her make a decision. Of course, you could always tell the guy that your little sis is important to you and that it probably would not be a good idea to mistreat her :-)


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