Dr. Andrew

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I saw this vid (Caged Slave) a few days ago. I don't know Y, bt it turns me on like crazy! SMTHNG about being out of reach has apparently always turned me on, but the humiliation part doesn't seem healthy. https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtube_gdata_player&v=g9JNRJWCjtk&has_verified=1&c

People are sexually aroused by a variety of things. Some like s&m or similar kind of stuff. But you are right, the humiliation part is not healthy. As long as it's just fantasies, it's one thing. Too many people see those videos as real life and think that it's the way it's supposed to be. That's not real life for most of us. If it's really upsetting to you, get a few sessions in with a therapist to find out why. That will also set your mind at ease.
Liked by: Abraham

Why my bf don't to me? I always feel he loved his ex gf more than me :( What should I do? Find someone new or be with him?

First, if he loved his ex more than you, he would still be with her and not with you. That's a plus. On the minus side, if you are not being treated the way you would like to be treated, you need to speak up for yourself. You should not stay in a relationship that does not meet your needs or that makes you fell less than. There are lots of other fish in the pond. Stand up loud and proud.

I'm dating this girl that i've known for quite some time now but recently(January) I found out that I will be moving to Toronto and leaving everyone behind. What should I do with my girlfriend at the moment and what to do when I move? Do I leave her or do I keep a long distance relationship?

Since it doesn't sound like she will be moving with you anytime soon. Sometimes long distance relationships work if both people are willing to commute often. It's hard, but it can work. Other than that, it sounds like the two of you need to sit down, talk about all the good times, and realize you both have to move on.

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My bf and I have been going together since we were freshmen. We are going to different universities in the fall. He thinks we should break up since we won’t be together. I’m really hurt. What do other couples do?

This is a dilemma that many young couples face after high school. Being at different schools and not being involved in social activities because of a commitment means you will be missing out on a large part of what college is about. If you stay together, that means if you should happen to be asked out, you will always have to decline or you will have to cheat. Either way, it's not good. You are not married at this point. From my experience with young patients, if you are going to go to different schools that are geographically far apart, it's better to agree that it's okay to date. That way you can be honest with each other. If the schools are close, then the choice is yours. I had a young couple in which one went to UCLA and one went to Pepperdine. The schools are relatively close, and they saw each other many times each week. They came in with the same question, but because of the close proximity of the schools, there was no problem.

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My boyfriend won't cop to having any sexual fantasies. He is lying right?

Not necessarily. He may be very sexually inhibited. On the other hand, he may feel that if he tells you, you will get very mad that the fantasies are not about you. Be careful what you ask for because you may get it. Besides, why do you need to know anyway?

My mom died of breast cancer a year ago. My dad started going out about a week ago and I am freaked out. I can’t get over seeing him with anyone but my mom. Is this normal or am I over reacting?

Yes, it's very normal. Your dad has been respectful. It's been a year. I'm sure you don't want him to be sad and lonely forever, but it's hard to see. Premature death of a parent is hard on everyone. Please realize your dad has suffered greatly watching his wife die right in front of him, knowing there was nothing he could do. Gradually, you will get used to the idea there will be another woman. She won't take the place of your mom to you, but she hopefully will provide comfort for your father.

I saw my daughter’s boyfriend at the mall with another girl. He had his arm around her. My daughter is only 16 and I don’t want her to get hurt. Do I tell her what I saw? Thanks for your help.

You don't really know the circumstances, but it's not looking good. A lot depends on your relationship with your daughter. If it's solid, you can tell her that you are concerned about what you saw but that you don't know who the girl was and you did not hear the conversation. I'm sure your daughter will appreciate the heads up. If your relationship is not good, this may be an opportune time to work on it in a loving and caring manner. Make sure your daughter realizes you just don't want her to get hurt, and be very supportive if she is. Be a good listener.

me and my wife have been married for a year. We drank a lot when we were going together for two years, but I stopped once we got married. She drinks even more. I’m really worried. What can I do to make her stop?

From the sound of your question, your wife is an alcoholic. I would strongly suggest you attending at least one Alanon meeting. Alanon is for those in a relationship with an alcoholic. You need to know you can't make her stop. She has to come to that realization. I'm sure you've mentioned it to her, and, based on your question, I'm sure what you have said has fallen on deaf ears. If she is open to it, try getting help from a professional together.

I’ve been married for 4 months. I’ve realized I made a huge mistake. We dated for a year so its not like I didn’t know him, but there are things I never saw before. How do I fix this screw up?

Unfortunately, if there are major things, you may have to cut your losses. I would definitely seek professional help so that you have a game plan. I've had several couples over the years who have gone through the same thing. Sometimes it can be fixed, but if there are major things it's usually not fixable. Be sure you don't take the "let's have a child, and that will fix everything" approach. That will only add more stress.

My bf’s father keeps coming on to me. I don’t want to go over his house anymore but I don’t know how to tell this to my bf. What should I do?

You need to discuss this with your boyfriend. You are being sexually harassed, and should not have to go through it. You absolutely should not go over his house until there is some resolution. If you happen to be caught in a situation with this man, you should say, "I am very uncomfortable with you actions, and I need you to stop immediately." This will put him on notice. I would also suggest talking to an adult with whom you are close, so that you have a strategy to approach the situation. And, no, there is nothing you are doing to provoke the situation, no matter what he says. Stay strong.

Is there really such thing as crabs? Are they contagious?

Yes, there really is such a thing as crabs, mechanized dandruff. They are pubic lice and are usually spread by close intimate contact but can be spread by unclean sheets, etc. They are not contagious in the sense you don't "catch" them as you would a cold, but they are passed on from individual to individual. If you have crabs, be sure to go to your local pharmacy and get some medication to get rid of them. They are not hard to get rid of, but you're going to have to do a nice shave job.

How do I tell my girlfriend she’s been packing on some pounds without starting a world war?

Ah, yes. Sometimes it pays not to be totally honest. You can try telling her that you've decided to go on a health kick, and would she like to join you. That's about the only way you are going to address the subject. Love her for who she is. Her weight gain may have something to do with stress or any number of other causes. Try not to contribute to the weight gain with mixed messages. "Hey, wanna go grab a pizza?" is being part of the problem and not part of the solution. Right or wrong, because of our societal standards females are much more sensitive about their weight. Most importantly, don't do anything hurtful. Carefully think about any approach before you do it.

Whats the best way to ask a girl to the prom?

There's not a single best way, but there are many good ways. Prom invitations have gotten a lot more fun than the old days of, "Hey, would you like to go to the prom?" First, if you are going to get creative, you probably are going to want to make sure you will have a yes answer. It would be sad to go through something fancy or elaborate and then get turned down. Keep in mind that when you ask someone for a date, they do have the right to refuse, hopefully politely. I would say that the best way for you is to do what you are most comfortable with. If you are shy, you could send a formal invitation card. If you are really out there, you could make a video of you and your friends singing an invitation. Try to be as creative as you can tolerate, even if you are just taking a good friend. It's always more fun.

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If my parents are divorced does that mean I will be too? I don’t want to go through what I saw them do to me and my sister.

The statistics vary from study to study, but children of divorce do have a higher risk of divorce. The words "family" and "familiar" have the same root. We tend to do and act in a family situation, which includes not just a actual family but work, close friends, etc., what is most familiar to us. Keep in mind that these are only statistics. It does not mean you are automatically doomed to divorce. You can certainly learn from the mistakes your parents made since you know how hurtful it was. One of the reasons we have our app, Love Shopping List, is to try to make sure people are as well matched as possible when they marry. It's not a guarantee, but it helps.

I've always been interested in the scientific benefits of psychedelic substances. I've never used them myself, but it's a subject I'm interested in. well my GF bought shrooms 4 us 2 try together. I'm very hesitant, what should I do? I'm aware of the benefits, but I'm scared of having a bad trip!

No one can or should tell you what to do when it comes to making choices about recreational drugs. As a health care professional it would be highly unethical of me to say, "Hell yeah, go get high, bro!" You're going to have to weigh the pros and cons and then come to a decision of what is best for you. At best I can provide you with some information. Despite what user will tell you, you always run the risk of a bad trip. That being said, shrooms are part of the ceremonies of many Native American tribes. You also have to consider the purity of what your girlfriend go. I would also tell this to you and everyone else. NEVER feel pressured into doing something you really don't want to do, but whatever you decide to do, try to be as educated about it as you can.

I really like this girl and she really likes me. There is only one thing that stands in the way of me seriously dating her. She is Korean and ALWAYS smells of garlic. I’ve never said anything to her, but what do I do?

This is a repeat answer to the last question.
This answer is for this question and the next since it looks like you didn't complete your question.
Korean cooking uses a lot of garlic. If you are not used to it, it can be quite overwhelming. If you take it in small bits, you will get used to it. If garlic is the only thing you have that is standing in the way of your relationship, you've got a good thing going. BTW, fermented food like kimchee are super healthy. They are one of the best things you can eat for your digestive system.

She has even offered me some Kimchee (I think that’s how you spell it). I thought someone at our lunch table was sick before I knew what the smell was from. Is it possible to get used to it?

This answer is for this question and the next since it looks like you didn't complete your question.
Korean cooking uses a lot of garlic. If you are not used to it, it can be quite overwhelming. If you take it in small bits, you will get used to it. If garlic is the only thing you have that is standing in the way of your relationship, you've got a good thing going. BTW, fermented food like kimchee are super healthy. They are one of the best things you can eat for your digestive system.

My bf always looks at other women when we’re out. It’s really annoying. He says just because we’re going together doesn’t mean he has to act like he’s blind. He also thinks it’s okay I look at other guys because it’s just looking. Do you think he’s right?

As long as he looks and doesn't stare, it's probably okay. If you are really secure, point out a good looking woman to him. Very often my wife will say, "Look at her. She is beautiful." My response is that, "Yes she is beautiful, but not as beautiful as you." It always puts a smile on her face. Despite all these good looking women, your bf is with you. Keep that in mind. And it's okay that you look at good looking people, too.

I got your app and it doesn't exactly frame what i want in a guy. i tried and i did select the correct characteristics but we still dont work and i know it. i dont know if he cares about me at all like i do, but even though ive vowed to get over him a while ago, i still havent. what do i do? thanks!

Remember that a relationship takes two. I've had a number of situation where one person meets the other's needs but not vice versa. It's tough to deal with. I'm not sure I can answer everything for you here, but if you direct message me, I'll be happy to help further.
Liked by: Novita Debora

My gf could wear a burlap sack and look great. Instead, whenever we go out she wears really short skirts and low cut blouses. I’ve asked why she wears that stuff, but she just says because it’s in style. Am I being too critical?

Are her clothes really that outrageous, or are you just a bit paranoid. Let her wear what she wants. It won't be forever. Don't try to control her because that may cost you your relationship. If it's limited to the clothing and not actions, back off. If there are actions that follow, something much more serious is at play.

How do I tell my parents to go to their bedroom if they want to fool around? They act like they are still teenagers. It embarrasses me even though my friends think it’s cute.

It really depends on how much "fooling around" they are doing. If they are just snuggling and smooching a bit, relax. It sounds like you are the only one who is creeped out since you're friends think it's okay. If they are getting out of hand, approach them with how it makes you feel. One of my patients from about two years ago got her message across to her parents. She brought over a guy who wasn't even her boyfriend and got pretty hot and heavy before her parents put a stop to it. When she told them it was just an act, they got the message.

Is it acceptable for a partner to use the toilet with the door open?

If its acceptable to the two of you, then yes. Bathroom habits are a highly individual thing. Some people think it's disgusting to have someone else in the bathroom when you're taking care of business. Others have full blown discussions in the bathroom. It really comes down to a comfort lever for both people.

My life partner and I are thinking about doing a trust together. Is this a good idea?

It really depends on the two of you and what your goals and dreams are. If this person is truly a life partner, why would either of you not want to do a trust to ensure things are done the way each of you would want if something happens to one of you. Otherwise, you have to deal with the government and probate. There are plenty of nightmare scenarios about probate. Talk to your financial planner. A certified financial planner can have some really good advice.

My boyfriend is like the most popular guy in our high school. My problem is he says hello to EVERYONE! It gets annoying. How do I tell him to cool it a bit?

He is the most popular BECAUSE he say's hello to everyone. Be supportive. If he's your boyfriend, he's with you and not someone else, but I assure you if you start being bugged by him talking to everyone, you won't be his girlfriend for much longer. Later in life he will be the one who is super connected and successful.


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