Dr. Andrew

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I'm 22. My parents have always been controlling but they just went overboard. My father met with my bf and came right out and asked him about his intentions and whether he is financially stable enough for me. I was mortified. I haven't talked to them at all for days. I've apologized to my bf but

First, most dads are uber protective of their daughters. Some people view this as sexist, and maybe it is since they would probably not do it with a son. The reality is that it’s not going to change anytime soon. As long as your bf is cool with it, don’t worry. Daddy-daughter relationships are very different than Daddy-son relationships. This doesn’t mean he thinks you are weak.

This other couple is getting married. They are having a destination wedding. She comes from a wealthy family, but we have been very close friends for years. Me and my bf cannot afford to go. She asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. What do we do?

To a lot of people, destination weddings, especially when they are far away and expensive, are selfish because many people would not be able to come. I think you need to thank her but be honest with her. You shouldn’t go into debt over her wedding. Accessible destination weddings are ok, but when they’re far away, it always limits who can come.

I'm worried about our son. He went from a scrawny little kid to a super good looking stud. He's only in his last year of high school but is already going out 3-5 times a week with girls. He's that popular. Do we just let him get this out of his system?

Your son is trying to compensate for the years he felt so inadequate. If he’s getting lots of new found attention, it’s only natural that he’s going to play with it. As long as he’s making good decisions, just let him figure this out. If he runs into trouble, then get him some professional help. Other than that, it sounds quite normal for that age group.

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My best friend married a wonderful woman. The three of us often did fun things together and sometimes I'd bring a date and sometimes not. We were just all good friends. Unfortunately he died several months ago from a rare disease. All of a sudden I'm having strong feelings about his wife.

First, you need to give her time and space to grieve. You are not double crossing your friend. Just don’t take advantage of his wife’s vulnerability. Being that the two of you are grieving the same loss, it only makes sense you feel closer to each other. Just let things unfold organically.

I met this girl on an online dating site. I was very worried about a false profile so I did my research. She's almost too good to be true. Now I'm feeling a bit intimidated. I think she's way out of my league. What do I do next?

If she agrees to go out with you, she’s making a decision for herself. Unless she has super low self-esteem, she doesn’t think she’s out of your league or vice versa. Get out of your own head and just relax and enjoy. BTW, what’s up with your self-esteem?

This girl and me are friends with benefits. We've known each other for about 4 years and several relationships. It's weird because we're both starting to have real feelings for each other. Is this possible?

Besides the sex, you are friends. Maybe what’s happened is that you’ve realized you both are more than just friends with benefits. Great. Just relax and enjoy the new level of your relationship. Time will reveal how far the relationship will go.

Me and my bf were at a comedy show and in the front row. The comedian starts his routine. He looks at us then at me and asks what I'm doing with someone like my bf. Of course it was just comedy but when we left my bf blew up at me. I don't know what to do.

Your bf is EXTREMELY insecure. There are clearly much bigger issues under the surface than just that night. Additionally, it’s not okay that he used you as his personal toilet because he was embarrassed. It’s called comedy, and if you can’t take a joke, don’t go.

We are a young couple. We are constantly being asked when we're going to start a family. WTF? Why do people think that's an ok question to ask? I feel like flipping them off most of the time but I don't.

I think that a lot of people see a young couple and think romantically about living the dream of a family. The best thing to do is smile politely and tell them just that you haven’t decided yet. Then don’t say another word.

How is it possible I keep dating the same kind of losers? I think I'm being selective but it all backfires. What is wrong with me?

You need professional help. You obviously are missing something here. Generally, women who date losers have low self esteem and feel they don't deserve better. Get some help.

Can two people fall in love at first sight? I hear it's not possible but IDK. Me and this guy hit it off and been going great for 6 months.

Yes, it's certainly possible. Of course, there are different levels of love. True deep love takes awhile to develop, but that doesn't invalidate love at first sight. Ignore the naysayers. The first time I went out with my wife, I went home and told my parents I had met my bride. 48 years!!!!

My gf is always telling me what to wear. I get tired of it. I don't really care about clothes and it annoys me. How do I get her to stop?

Your gf wants to be proud of who she's with. Other people don't just judge you. They judge her by being with you. Here's an idea. Just shut up and do what she says. Your life will be much better.

Are there better times of the year to propose? Someone told me I have to research the best time. Could that be? Doesn't sound logical.

The best time is when the two of you feel is best. You are right. It's not logical. Just another ignorant opinion.

Why do most guys hate shopping? My bf says he can only take about an hour at a time. What's the big deal? Is it gender based or what?

I can tell you that some men like shopping, but most don't unless it's for sports equipment or tools. Possibly, it goes back to the hunter-gatherer days. Men tend to go into a store, see what they want, buy it, and leave. Women often find what they want but want to look around for everything similar. Compromise on a time limit. That's the best advice.

My grandparents raised me because of the problems my parents were having. I love them dearly. This guy I met is a different race and now my grandparents are all over me for this. How do I handle this?

You should sit down with them and first express your love and appreciation. All you can do is ask them to respect your choice. It would be a shame to have them force you to choose them or your bf. Ultimately, you have to follow your heart.

Me and this girl have been good friends since we were in kindergarten. We are like a couple but we're both worried that our friendship will get ruined if we keep going together. Can you give any suggestion? We both say we're happy and don't want anyone else.

The best and strongest relationships are based on friendship. When your best friend is the same person that you're in love with, most things work MUCH better. Keep enjoying each other. That's the key to success.

I'm really worried about my potential in-laws. My gf says to just ignore them but I hear that their shit will just come through if we get married. Are the ways to stop the train so we don't have to just copy her parents' relationship?

This is a perfect opportunity to get in some pre-marital couples' counseling. I've worked with many couples to help them avoid some of the pitfalls of family matters. Remember, you aren't just marrying her. You're marrying her family, too!!

Me and my bf have this weird intense relationship. We get along then we fight. Then we do it all over again. What's going on?

There are clearly things you love about each other, and there are clearly things you each dislike. I would recommend seeing a couples' therapist to help sort it all out. That way you won't have to keep riding the rollercoaster.

Our daughter is 19. Me and my wife are very concerned about the guy she's with. She has told us how verbally abusive he can be. At what point do we step in? We know she's an adult but she's still our little girl.

Adult or not, if someone is hurting your daughter, it's time to step in. My daughter is and adult and perfectly capable of handling herself. However, I pity the fool that tries to abuse her. I may not be as good as I once was, but I'm good once as I ever was. Heed the warning!!

What does a girl mean when she says she wants to take it slowly? We really haven't done anything past just hanging out. I'm confused.

Hey, news alert. Her comment is not in code. She doesn't want anything to progress rapidly because she's not comfortable yet. It's as simple as that.

Me and this other girl have been going out with this guy. He takes one of us out every other weekend. She's ok with it. I'm NOT! How should I handle this?

You obviously knew what you were getting into when you started. Now it sounds like you are unhappy with your decision and want to change the rules in the middle of the game. If you don't like it, just move on.

I'm really attracted to my trainer. He's not married and neither am I. I don't know how he feels. He's always professional so I can't read him. How do I find out?

He may feel he does not wish to violate a professional boundary. Respect that. It says a lot about him. You might also let him know that you would be interested in how he is "outside" of the gym. It's a good hint.

Me and this girl have been good friends since second grade. We're going into our senior year of high school. We don't want to ruin our friendship but it seems we just keep moving closer together. I'm scared of losing a friend. How do we handle this?

The best and strongest relationships are based on being good friends. Just communicate and talk things through. Enjoy each other. It will work out.

My bf of two months is perfect in every way except he smokes. He doesn't do it around me but I can always smell when he has. I've told him how much it bothers me but he just says he won't do it around me. My dad was a smoker and died of lung cancer so this is a trigger for me. What do I do?

For many people (me included) smoking is a non-starter. He is going to have to choose between his smokes and you. He will try to gaslight you and tell you that you are trying to control him, but you are not. You are just setting a clear boundary.

I been dating this guy who lost his wife to a weird bacteria. He says he can't get any closer because he does not want to go through the pain of losing somebody close again. Not sure how to handle this. Thanks.

He's going to have to do some serious therapy in order to get past this. Until that time he won't be truly available for you or anyone else. Give him some space and time, and maybe it will work out. If not, move on.

My bf is perfect in every way except he is very sarcastic. I've explained to him that I don't like it but he keeps it up. He says it's east coast humor. How do I get him to stop?

Keep telling him how much it bothers you. Let him know that if really cares about you, he won't do something that really upsets you. In the U.S. there is DEFINITELY a difference in West coast versus East coast humor.


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