Dr. Andrew

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What are the chances of two people who meet online really having a long term relationship? I hear mixed results from different people. Are there any statistics on this?

Lots of people and companies will present "statistics." As a professional who deals with statistics all the time, I will tell you that statistics can be used to prove just about anything. There are plenty of cases of good relationships from people who have met online, but there are also just as many (if not more) people who say they have had horrible experiences from online dating. Proceed with caution.

I heard that sex on drugs is better. I don’t want to miss anything but I don’t do drugs. So really I’m just curious.

It depends on the drug. Opiates, alcohol and weed tend to dull sensations, while stimulant increase them. However, since heart rate is elevated anyway with sex, stimulants become dangerous. Though it is true that people who are exceptionally anxious are more relaxed with something that dampens the anxiety, it does still dull sensations. If you don't do drugs, there is no reason to start because of sex. Just relax and let your body do its thing.

My gf’s parents are super strict. They insist on knowing where we are 24/7. We haven’t done anything to break their trust so I don’t get what this is all about. I think we should sit down and talk to them but my gf thinks that might make it worse. Any suggestions?

Your gf knows her parents better than you do. Ok, so her parents are very overprotective. If you want her as a gf, you are going to have to deal with her parents. Just keep being polite and keep giving them NO reason not to trust you. Maybe eventually they will loosen the reins.

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Me and this guy were going together in high school. We are both at the same college now. I can’t get him out of my mind especially when I see him on campus with other females. I don’t know if he still has feelings for me. How can I find out without getting hurt?

First, there is no guarantee you won't get hurt because if you approach him, and he rejects you, you're hurt. Since you were going together in high school, you have to have some close communication skills. I suggest you ask to talk with him. Do it away from other people. Explain how you feel, and ask him how he feels. That's the only way you will know for sure.

My bf’s daughter is really rude and disrespectful to me whenever she comes over. I don’t say much but it really upsets me. My bf just kind of laughs it off and says she’ll outgrow it. Should I step in and demand that she stop?

Unless you are prepared to end your relationship with your bf, you are not going to get anywhere with "demands." Often children feel if they are nice to the bf or gf of a parent, they are being disloyal to the other parent. Don't try to be a parent, but do try to be a partner. Ask her for help with some small project in which you know she has some interest. Build the relationship slowly.

If you are good friends with this couple and they get divorced, is it okay to date her ex?

It really depends if you have any wish to maintain a relationship with the other half. You are going to be viewed as taking sides in a BIG way. Assuming you all have the same circle of friends, this would get very awkward very quickly. It also depends on how long ago the divorce was and how nasty it got. If you feel this is absolutely something you want to do, you should at least have a discussion with your female friends first. You don't need her permission, but as a friend it would be nice to hear it directly rather than through the grapevine.

I live in Indonesia. Can verbal violence grouped to crime

You would have to check with your government's laws. Each country is different, and I'm not knowledgeable of the laws of Indonesia. Sorry.

I am about to separated with my husband, I cannot help lo live with him any longer. But he keep his mind that whatever kind of marriage life we have, we have not to be separated, it is forbidden in his culture. Now he push me up with his bad word everyday. Kind of verbal violence. what should I do?

You don't mention where you are. In the USA there are laws to protect you, but in some countries and cultures, women do not get to have input into decisions. They are viewed as property. That makes it almost impossible for women. If there is a clergyman to talk with, that may help, but again it depends on the culture. If you have access, you should seek out a women's shelter.

My bf is always horny. He says guys are just that way. I’m okay with sex but everyday sometimes more than once is getting on my nerves. Are all guys like this? Am I just being old fashioned?

Different people have different levels of libido, sex drive. Intimacy between partners has to work for both. You should talk about a compromise that you both can live with. No, all guys are not like that, and, no, you are not being old fashioned.

My gf has a pet name for me. I have asked her not to call me that name when we are around friends because it embarrasses me. It’s not a bad name, it’s a silly name.. She keeps doing it anyway. What can I say to get her to stop short of blowing up at her?

She probably thinks your embarrassment is cute, but it is actually disrespectful. You don't need to blow up at her. You just need to continue to emphasize that it really bothers you. Ultimately, if it bothers you that much, you may have to give her an ultimatum.

I did what you said and had this guy checked out. He is NOT what he pretends to be online. What is the best and most effective way to get rid of him permanently? I can’t believe I was so naïve!

Send him a "cease and desist" notice, and the block him from all of your social media. Unfortunately, your story is not unusual. People put profiles online that are either greatly exaggerated or just flat out lies. If this persists, you can try getting a restraining order if you feel threatened.

My mom is cheating on my dad. My dad is a super good guy and I can’t bear the thought of him getting hurt. I’ve thought about confronting my mom but I’m not sure if that’s the right thing to do. Some friends say to stay out of it but others say I should speak up. What do you think?

Your mom has put you in a very awkward and unfortunate position. She has put the whole family in the same position. You can't be sure where the problem between them started, and you shouldn't have to. You don't say how old you are, but you are old enough to recognize what has happened. Ask to sit down with both of them. Start out by stating that you will NOT get in the middle, and you don't want any explanations. You just want to be left out of whatever is going on. You can then state you are aware of at least what your mom has done.

I sit right next to this guy in my chem class. We are playful with each other but it hasn’t gone any further. I think I would like to go out with him.. How do I let him know? I don’t want to ruin our friendship.

Just keep being playful with each other. You will soon know if it's going to go farther. Often the best relationships start out as being playful. The key to long lasting relationships is to keep being playful!

Our son is 18. He has a wonderful girlfriend. The problem is that we think he treats her very poorly. He wasn’t raised like that. His father is a great role model on how he treats me. Why would our son be mistreating such a wonderful person? Have we failed as parents?

Without talking to your son, I can only make wild guesses, especially since you describe what he has seen growing up. He may have learned the wrong lessons from his peer group. As long as you have a good relationship with him, the best approach is to sit down with him and give him the specifics of what the two of you have observed.
Liked by: Michael Warming

This girl and I have been having a great online relationship. We live about 2 hours apart. I know she’s real because we FB all the time and I get to see exactly what’s going on. My friends call me an idiot for doing this. I think she really is the one. Have there been any studies on this?

There are no studies of which I am aware. You were very smart in having checked her out. She should have done the same with you. As long as the two of you are happy with the relationship, enjoy the ride. Your friends are just trying to protect you. If all is legit, they will probably change their minds when they meet her.

Not too long ago this married man came on to me at work. At first I thought it was disgusting but the more I talked to him the more I liked him. He says that him and his wife are going to split soon. Is it foolish of me to stay involved before they actually split?

Unless you want to go on being the "other woman," yes you are being foolish until you know for sure he and his wife are split. Unfortunately, this is a tactic often used by people trolling for an affair.
Liked by: Michael Warming

My brother in law has a drinking problem. My kids have seen him passed out a bunch of times. I don’t want to break up the family but I don’t want our kids exposed to this. My wife says we should still go over to their house when we are invited because it would upset her parents if we didn’t. ???

Sounds like time for a family intervention. I appreciate your wanting to protect your kids, but some lessons in life are there for the viewing. You and your wife should call a family meeting (minus him to start) to discuss the situation. I'm sure you are not the only family member who is uncomfortable.

I really like this guy. My friends tell me to just go up and ask him out. I feel funny doing that unless I know that he won’t tell me no. How can I find out if he wants to go out with me?

You are going to have to put your big girl pants on and deal with it. Whenever people want to go out with someone, there is a risk of rejection. It never feels good, but it's part of dating. His answer may surprise you.
Liked by: Chianna Dunblazier

My bf has trouble expressing himself unless he drinks. Then he has NO trouble. I’ve tried talking to him about it but he says it just relaxes him enough to talk. Does this mean he’s an alcoholic?

Even though one behavior does not automatically make the call, it certainly sends up a giant red flag. Sometimes a drink removes the anxiety associated with expressing emotions. Your all caps spelling of the word "NO" leads me to believe that he might be doing more than just a bit of expressing. If that's true, that's another indicator of a major problem.

So there’s this girl in my pe class who keeps looking at me and smiling. I don’t want to seem like a perv and just go up to her. How do I know if she is interested? I’m a little bit shy. And she’s really a good athlete and I like that.

Just keep smiling back. You can certainly just go up and introduce yourself. That's a polite thing to do. You will pretty much know what she thinks after you do that. Just be a gentleman. You are not a perv for just interacting with anyone.

How can I ever be sure about somebody I met on the internet? He seems really nice but I don’t want to take any chances. I feel like if I started looking him up everywhere it would be stalking.

First, you would not be stalking. In fact, you would be very smart to investigate BEFORE making any kind of arrangements. There are also a number of sites that can do background checks on people (for a fee, of course). That is definitely something I would recommend before proceeding. If all is clear, you will have peace of mind moving forward.

My bf left for college. I feel so all alone. I don’t want to ruin my senior year being so sad but I don’t know what to do. How do other people handle this?

You are not alone in being saddened by your situation. I'm sorry that the two of you did not discuss and come to an understanding before he left. Depending on how strong the relationship was, you two may still want to take the burden of being alone off the table for now so that neither of you feels alone. You will be missing so much by being alone and so will he. If the relationship is much more serious, both of you will just have to deal with your feelings until you can resolve them -- even if that's temporarily

Is there any way to get back together after you catch your gf cheating on you? I still really love her but I’m not sure I can trust her anymore. If there’s any way I would like to try. I don’t know what to do.

As long as you are willing to work on it, there is a possibility. It will take a lot of work on both your parts. You can not do this alone. If you are serious about trying to get back together, you are going to need professional help. Ask around for a good couples/relationship therapist. It will take time to heal.

My kid sister is going with the douche bag. Me and my wife don’t trust him. She wants to visit us and sleep over our house. I think he is doing drugs. I love my sister but I don’t want to risk having this guy. What do I do?

I think it's time you have a heart-to-heart talk with your sis. You do not need to let someone in your house that you don't feel comfortable with or you don't trust. She may not want to listen to what you have to say, but it needs to be said. Let her know that it's coming from a place of love, and let her know what you have observed. The rest is going to be up to her


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