Dr. Andrew

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Where do I find Mr. Right? Am I just going to bump into him somewhere?

Can't get no fish if ya ain't got no lines in the water. Involve yourself in activities that are theme based such as biking, scuba diving, sewing, cooking, etc. It really doesn't make any difference where. The reason I always suggest theme-based meetings is that it takes the pressure off just socializing for the sake of socializing. It also gives you an idea of how the person acts with others. You can try online dating. It's not what it used to be decades ago. Many good relationships started with an online match.

I just found out I’m pregnant. My bf wasn’t really excited when I told him which really upset me. Now I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to lose him but I’m scared. Do I confront him?

Assuming that the pregnancy was unexpected, he just may have been in shock. Of course, he could just have been upset, too. You need to have an honest conversation with him. You don't need to "confront" him as you stated. That will just make him defensive. "I was surprised by your reaction when I told you I was pregnant. How do you feel about it now?" Depending on what you decide on your pregnancy, you just may lose him. Don't let the pregnancy be the only thing holding the two of you together.

My gf’s father is highly overprotective. I get grilled whenever I go to take her out. I’ve tried being polite and cooperative but its really getting on my nerves. My gf says that’s the way he’s always been but eventually he comes around. Do I say something or just wait?

She is telling you that he eventually comes around, so maybe just wait it out. In the meantime, ask your gf what her father's hobbies and interests are. Educate yourself in those areas and enter them into the conversations. Keep in mind that one day you may have a little girl of your own. Think about how you will act toward a young man wishing to date her.

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My bf’s family is really religious. every time I go over they start reading the bible to me. It really makes me uncomfortable but I don’t want to be disrespectful. I’m just not into prayer all the time. I’ve tried talking to my bf but he just shrugs his shoulders.

Your bf needs to respect your feelings. You can tell him how you feel and ask that he talk with his family. If he says that he can't/won't do that, your only option is not to go to his house. It's their house, so they may feel obligated to help others "see the light." That doesn't mean you have to go along with it. If you and your bf have a good relationship, you should spend some time talking about this so that you can come to a solution that works for both of you.

me and this guy have been cyberdating for more than 4 months. He lives about 4 hours away and wants to come and meet me in person. All of a sudden I have a sinking feeling. Is there a way to be sure he is for real?

There are a number of services that can do an investigation of a person. I would absolutely invest the money to thoroughly check him out. In this day and age one can never be too careful. Hopefully, everything will check out okay, but either way it's great to have the information before anything gets more involved.

I’ve tried talking to my bf but he just shrugs his shoulders. Its like I don’t want to go over there anymore. Do I say something to them?

I believe this was related to the question about parents making some sort of remarks that were prejudiced. I think you should express to your bf exactly what you are suggesting in your question. If the comments don't stop, you are no longer comfortable going over to his house. You don't need to say anything to them. It should be his place.

My gf started taking adderall from a friend and says it really helps her concentrate. She is obsessed with getting good grades. I’m really worried because I hear its addicting. Anything you can tell me would help.

Adderall is prescribed for ADD. As a stimulant it will generally have people more focused even if they don't have ADD. Yes, it is addicting. From what you are saying she feels a huge amount of pressure to get good grades. This kind of pressure can drive people to take and do whatever to get the grades. I have had quite a number of young people who have started out using stimulants to get the grades but then got addicted. I would express your concerns to her. She may reject what you say, but at least you will have expressed your concern.

I’m stuck between two wonderful females. They don’t know each other. I’m in a class with each of them at my university. My friends just tell me to sit back and enjoy but I’m not a player so I can’t do that. Now what?

Eventually you will be able to determine which is the better match for you. In the meantime be careful. You could lose both of them if they find out you are dating someone else. The sooner you can make a decision the better. Start making a list of what you really like (our app Love Shopping List does that for you), and see how each of them stacks up. It sounds like it will come down to the details.

How do I get over a broken heart? It’s been almost 6 months since he moved away and I just can’t get him out of my mind. I’ve tried meditation, yoga and everything else.

Even though people say that time heals everything, sometimes it's harder than just time. A broken heart usually means that the relationship had grown roots, and you feel like a tree that's been yanked out of the ground. You are in shock. It sounds like you've done some really good things. The next thing would be to seek some professional, short-term help. A good therapist will be able to help you.

Is there a way to get my parents off my back about my dating? I’m 19 and they perform “due diligence” with every guy I date. I know they love me and want to protect me, but this is getting old.

Sounds like you need a "parentectomy." If you are really that upset, first try explaining to them why you are so upset and ask for their cooperation. Express that you appreciate their concern, but at the same time you feel they are being too invasive in your life. If that doesn't work, stop telling them whom you are dating. They can't perform due diligence on someone if they don't know who it is.

I want a girl friend sex patner no discover him & Im Indian

Not sure what you are asking. Try writing back to make it a bit clearer, and I'll be happy to help.

Is it reasonable for me to stop texting my girlfriend over the summer because we have nothing to talk about and usually the texts aren't as interesting as it use to? I'm scared of her meeting someone else while I'm absent.

Of this I will assure you, if you neglect her, she will turn elsewhere for attention. I'm also worried that you have "nothing to talk about." That's not a good sign. Healthy couples ALWAYS have something to talk about, even the ones married for decades. If you are scared of her meeting someone else, then stay present.

What age do you think a couple can pull off a long distance relationship?

I wouldn't worry as much about the age as your financial ability to do the long distance thing. The most successful long distance relationships are those in which the partners can be together fairly frequently. Depending upon how far away you are, you may have some big transportation issues. Being away for very long, extended periods of time does not usually make for a good long distance relationship with a few exceptions (like deployment in the military). The most important aspect is communication between the two people. In this age of technology Skype, FaceTime, etc. can really help fill in the gaps.

How do you become less paranoid of your boyfriend/girlfriend finding someone else when you aren't there? She keeps telling me that this guy she talked to is very cute and it just makes me paranoid of losing her as she means a lot to me.. Suggestions?

It sounds like she is very open and comfortable with telling you what she is seeing and feeling. That's actually a very good thing. Just because she is going with you doesn't mean she can't appreciate good looks. I think you should reframe this and think of it as a plus for your relationship. Encourage her to keep the communication open and laugh about it. You can't control it/her, so just roll with it.

Why do you keep talking about a love shopping list? Isn’t just supposed to happen? Isn’t it just supposed to be that two people fall in love and that’s enough? Seems you make it too complicated.

The app is just a guideline, a tool, and nothing more. We even state that. However, most people would like some basis with which to evaluate a relationship, even if it's a relationship based on falling in love. Everyone is free to use as much or as little of what the app provides as she/he choose.

I really want to keep my virginity until I’m married. My bf says that’s okay but insists that we can do other “stuff”and still be okay. What do other couples do who are in a similar situation?

The classic definition of virginity is about no intercourse. However, if you are really committed to the idea, then it might include anything sexual. It really depends on the couple. For some couples just "fooling around" is okay, while for others, it's not. It all depends on what is most comfortable for the two of you as a couple.Don't worry about what everyone else is doing.

Me and my gf (I’m a woman, too) keep getting hit on by guys. When either of us tell them we have a girlfriend they say shit like What a waste. It’s hurtful. How should we handle this?

Your are certainly entitled to be with whomever you choose. Just look, smile and tell them that it is FAR from a waste (with a smile on our face)

I sent my bf a photo that was just for him. He showed it around. I blew up and told him to go f—k himself. Now he says it was a huge mistake and he’s sorry and would I please reconsider. Should I reconsider?

You might want to give him a second chance since he apologized. Keep this quotation in mind, "Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me." If anything even remotely close happens, send him walking.

Now she’s told the sisters about it and one told me if I wanted to get in I have to dump him. My bf says that I have to make up my mind before the fall semester starts. Is there a solution that I can do both?

Ah, more info. I can't advise you on what you should do for you, but I can tell you what I would do in a similar situation. I would go to the editor of the college newspaper with the details and let them have some influence.

Me and this guy been going together since high school. We are at the same college. Here’s the problem. I want to pledge this sorority, but one of the girls who went to our high school tried to go out with my bf but he turned her down.

You have to be your own person. I realize that being a part of a sorority may be something that's really important, but so is your relationship. This other girl is being very immature, but could screw you. If you are really serious with your bf, then stay with that. Ultimately, the decision is still up to you.

Second part: It’s almost like we don’t want to go either place but they both put huge pressure on us. Any ideas?

see previous ansswer

We have been married for one year. We have no problems except which family we go to for holidays. For whatever reason our families REALLY don’t get along. Whenever we try to talk to either side they just blow up.

Tell both families that the two of you are going to host the holidays. That way they have to make the choice of what they should do. The other option is not to go to either until they get the message. You also might suggest seeing a family therapist strong enough to handle the whole group. A seasoned therapist will be able to guide the families through the crisis.

even if you take part in things like body worship, smothering, etc. (no sex involved) how important/ how often should you get an aids test?

Every six months, for sure

How do I get a part in a BDSM video? I've told my male friends that we should just make our own, but surprisingly none of them are interested :/

If you are really serious, try getting an agent. Despite objections from many, the adult entertainment industry is booming and includes BDSM. Just keep your future in mind because once it's digital, it's forever.

My gf is perfect in every way except she can’t complete a task to save her life. She says its her ADD but she doesn’t know what to do . Is she right that this is one of the symptoms and what, if anything, can be done?

She is correct that poor task completion is one of the symptoms of ADD. It makes those with the disorder feel like failures because it's ongoing. That being said, I always tell people that I can "explain" what happens, but that doesn't make it an "excuse." In life, she needs to compensate. Medication is certainly an option, but I would start with a therapist who specializes in the disorder. If she gets the help, you'll both be happier.


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