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My bf is perfect in every way except one. He smokes. I’ve asked him to stop but he says it’s just a habit and he’ll quit soon enough. My father died of lung cancer so this is a particularly sensitive subject for me. He doesn’t smoke around me but it still freaks me out. I need suggestions, pleas

It sounds like smoking is a make it or break it issue for you. He is going to have to choose between you and his cigarettes. You will know soon enough what his choice is. He needs to be aware of what is called "third-hand" smoke. Even if someone doesn't smoke around you, all the carcinogens are on their clothes, hair, furniture, etc.

My bf is really good looking. I know it shouldn’t but this make me really insecure. When we go out I keep checking out the other women who are checking him out. I’ve talked to him but he just laughs it off. He says there’s no problem since he’s with me and not them. What do I do?

I can tell you that if you keep up your current behavior, you won't have to worry about having a boyfriend. Your current behavior will definitely push him away. So, to answer your question about what do you do -- STOP IT!!

My gf has two moms. They are both really cool. I have no problems with them but other kids at school do. I want to stand up for the whole family but my gf says to just ignore the comments. Is that really the best way to handle the situation? IDK.

She lives it every day, so she's the expert. Explain to her that you want to stand up for her and her family, but you don't want to create a bigger problem. You can tell her that you are a person who does not tolerate bullying and/or harassment. She'll let you know how you can best be supportive.

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My bf has put on about 40 pounds. He says he’s just enjoying himself. I’m really worried about his health. I want to say something but I don’t want to fat shame him. Is there a “nice” way to bring up the subject?

Just tell him exactly what you have said here. Tell him that you don't want to shame him. Say that you are concerned about is health. Ask if there's anything you can do to help and to be more supportive.

This girl I’ve been dating for 3 months told me she’ had two DUI’s. I’ve never seen her drink more than one drink with me but now I’m worried. Is there a way to find out what I’m really dealing with. I’m not interested in more drama in my life.

If the relationship is going to proceed, I recommend you sit down and have a serious discussion with her. One DUI is one thing, but two ... hmmmm? Your concerns are real. On the good side, she came forward with the information, so she's not hiding anything. Time will tell.

Me and my uncle are only 5 years apart so we’re pretty good friends. He is dating a bimbo. I want to warn him but I don’t want to ruin our friendship. What do I say?

The fact that he is so close in age means you two are more like the good friends than the uncle-nephew. Try having him use our app, Love Shopping List. He may find that she is really not who he wants. But then, again, it's up to him. All you can do is be supportive. You don't say much more. Preserve your relationship.

What do I say to my future mother-in-law when she tells me I’m a slob? It really hurts.

This is a perfect time to use an "I" statement - an action, followed by an emotion, followed by a need. "When you criticize me, it makes me upset and angry. I need you to not criticize me." Besides that, where in the hell is your future husband, and why is he not standing up for you?

Me and this guy are in the 12th grade. Up until now we’ve been like brother and sister because we’ve known each other since kindergarten. Now all of a sudden he says he has feelings for me. I’m worried about ruining our friendship. IDK what to do.

I wouldn't worry. Some of the best romantic relationships I've seen started out as besties. If you have feelings for him, go for it.

I met this guy online. He’s coming from out of the country. I thought he could stay with us but my parents said no. I feel like running away with him except I’m worried about making the wrong decision. Is there a way to check?

You don't say what your age is, but I'm guessing you are relatively young. In any event, it's your parents' house. They get to make the rules. As far as a decision, you may want to sit down with your parents and seek the online services of a full investigation of him so they (and you) are more comfortable with who he is. There are a lot of scam artists out there. You never know.

Is it a good idea to combine bank accounts if we’re almost married? Some say yes but others say no. Not sure what to do.

There's really not a right or wrong answer to this. It depends on what the two of you decide. The only caution would be if there is a substantial amount of money involved. Then I would seek the advice of an attorney and do a prenuptial.

My grandparents are really strict. They have almost drowned my sister because she is dating someone outside our religion. I love them but I think it’s totally unfair. Now my sister won’t talk to them. I was thinking about talking to them for my sister. Not sure how to handle.

You can try talking to them, though I doubt it will do much good. People who are very religious are often very rigid when it comes to dating and marriage, and you are not going to change that. Be a good listener for your sister so she doesn't feel isolated.

I just found out my bf’s father did something illegal. I’m not even sure my bf knows.. I’m not sure what to do or who to go to. Do I report him to the police?

You don't say what he did, but I gather that it's pretty bad if you're already thinking about reporting him to the police. I would go with this motto- "Bad things happen when good people say nothing." I would go to the police and ask them not to mention your name. You also don't know exactly what your bf knows. For all you know, he may already know and be very defensive of his father.

My parents and my in laws don’t get along. It makes it really awkward for family events. We’ve been thinking about sitting them down together and talking to them. Do you think that’s a good idea?

I think that's a great idea. Your approach is to tell them that you are not there to patch things up. You have only called for this meeting to explain that they all are creating a lot of stress for the two of you. Politely tell them that they don't have to like each other, but you would appreciate if they could fake it in your presence.

I’m in the 11th grade. A lot of the girls are after me. My problem is I’m gay but haven’t told anyone at school. I don’t want to be made fun of. I don’t know whether just to come out or what.

Seek the advise of a trusted school counselor. Also, check to see if there is an LGBTQ support group in your area. You are not the first young person experiencing this problem. People who have already been through this will be a great resource for you.

My bf’s kid brother is really overweight. She wants me to talk to him. I’m worried it will get in the way of our relationship if I screw it up. What should I do?

Do NOT place yourself in the middle. You are not a trained therapist, and you do not know the cause or dynamics of his weight issue. Most certainly, your getting involved could harm your relationship. The best thing you can do is suggest professional help.

Why are the straights so worried about the LGBTQ community dating? Don’t they have better and bigger things to worry about?

There are many reasons, but chief among them are homophobia and religious fear that such people will bring the downfall of society. There are even politicians who have run for the office of president in the U.S. that say homosexuality is the biggest danger to society. Of course, the majority of those people are hypocrites and do all sorts of things their religion forbids. Love is love, and the sooner people understand that, the better off we'll all be.

Me and this other guy have really strong feelings for each other. We’re worried about coming out at school. Should I trust the school counselor to talk to or go to someone else?

Your school counselor would be a good place to start. If you are in a community with an LGBTQ support group, you may find that helpful, as well. Coming out is often a difficult choice to make.

My bf says for his birthday present he’d like to do a three way. I’m not sure about this. What do other people do?

There is no "one size fits all" type of thing to do. Religion aside, whatever goes on between consenting adults in the bedroom is really not anyone else's business. If you are not comfortable, just say NO!

Why is it when I drink I’m much more relaxed on dates?

Alcohol attached to the same receptors in the brain as anti anxiety medications (Xanax, Ativan, etc). It reduces anxiety and lowers inhibitions. Of course, that's not always a good thing. It's why some people refer to a drink when out on "the hunt" as a "glass of courage." The majority of people I've treated in rehabs for alcohol have an underlying anxiety disorder. I would seek some professional counseling to help you overcome your anxiety. It's deeper than just dating.

My brother is a really nice guy. I’ve tried setting him up but he always has a complaint about the women. I stopped but then he asked me why I stopped setting him up. How do I tell him without hurting his feelings?

Tell him the truth. Every time you set him up, he has a complaint, so you stopped. He needs to know why. You're not doing him any favors by not telling him why. He may get his feelings hurt, but he needs someone to hold up a "mirror" for him to see his actions.

This girl is on the softball team at my high school. I’ve heard “rumors” about the females on the team. Personally, I don’t care but I just don’t want to go after her and find out that I’m “not her type.” Do I just come out and ask her or what?

If you are really interested, don't pay attention to the rumors. Just ask her out. You'll know soon enough if you are her type. There are still areas of society that foolishly think that all females on sports teams are lesbians. It's just a fallacy. Just ask her like you would any female you might want to date.

I’ve been going out with this guy for about 4 weeks. He asked me to sleep over, so I did. His sheets did not seem fresh so I asked him if we should change them. He says he only changes them once a month. GROSS! I’m thinking this is a deal breaker. What do you think?

Since I'm not the one sleeping in his bed, it's not my opinion that counts. If you are grossed out by it, consider if you really want to start a long term relationship by changing someone's personal hygiene. That being said, I think the word you used to describe it is perfect -- GROSS

Me and my wife have been going out with these two other couples. All of a sudden we find out they’re into swapping. We feel like we got played. How do we cut it off without going ballistic?

Just be honest with them and say that while you are not judging them, it's not something the two of you are interested in. My guess is that you won't be going out with them for much longer. They have a different lifestyle. Whatever floats their boat.

My inlaws always criticize how I do things around my house. I’ve told my husband it really bothers me but he just says to ignore it since it makes no difference to him. I feel like letting them know how I feel but I don’t know if it will cause a bigger problem. ??

Since your husband won't support you in this matter, you have every right to confront them on your own. Do it in a respectful fashion so that the spotlight can't be turned around on you. Use "I" statements.
When you criticize me, it makes me feel angry and upset. I need you to stop the criticism.

In my culture there always has to be a chaperone when two unmarried people go out. I’m ok with this but this girl is not. We get along fantastically except for that. I’ve tried explaining it to her but she just gets angry. Is there something I can say that will make it all ok?

Cross cultural dating is often hard. If she really cares about you, she will respect your family's culture and traditions. If not, find someone who will.


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