Dr. Andrew

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My bf is not a very good dresser. He's wonderful in all other ways. He says it's just not super important to him. I think it should be. Am I being too picky?

Meet him half way. Tell him you'll be happy to help him with a "slight" upgrade but nothing too fancy. That's called compromise.

Me and my bf (we r gay) were just outed by a person in school. We're not sure how to handle this? On one hand it's a relief not to have to hide it but on the other hand we're both pissed that it came from someone else. Any ideas?

Incredibly insensitive on the part of the other person, but it sounds like it nudged you to deal openly. I'm glad it's a relief, but you can certainly share your feelings with the other person.

My parents said some really hurtful things about my gf. I am so mad I really don't want to talk to them. She's from a different culture so I believe their prejudice is coming through. When I said that to them they told me I was gaslighting them. Do I just not discuss with them or what?

You ABSOLUTELY discuss it with them. You insist that they treat her with respect. You should always protect someone you care about if someone else attacks them. Man up!!

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My husband is ok with just being ok and not pushing harder. I find this sad. He's got a lot of talent but doesn't push himself. I'm not sure how long I can take it. We've been married 3 years and he won't listen to my plans for the future. I'm a super motivated person. Mismatch??

Unfortunately, unless he changes, your future looks dim. You are driven to be a winner, while he's clearly not. Think about some short-term couples counseling

My weight has always been a challenge for me. Recently my husband says he's turned off by how I've let myself go. This really makes me sad. On the other hand he didn't say anything until I asked him how he felt about me. Was he just being honest or was he fat shaming? I'm just sad about it.

As the old saying goes, don't ask a question you don't want an answer to. The bigger question is why have you let yourself go? See a nutritionist, get back to looking the way you should, but only if that's what you want to do.

How many times before you should report someone for dv if they hit you?

Let me be perfectly clear about this:

My bf has some bad habits I'd like to break. Like he doesn't put his clothes in the laundry basket. He gets mad when I remind him. What do I do?

Don't try to handle everything. Sit with him and tell him the 4-5 most important things that bother you. Explain that these things are getting in the way of your relationship.

Our son's gf says he's begun to have a really bad body image. We are close with her. They've been dating for five years so she's almost like a d-i-l. How do we help him/them?

I can't tell you exactly what's going on, but your son is in trouble. Get him in to see a professional immediately. Kudos to your son's gf for coming to you.

As a couple, do you think it's a good idea we have one email so both of us get messages? What about other social media?

It all depends on what the two of you want. Many people have separate accounts and a family account. Just depends on what works for the two of you.

I asked my mother about dating and she said to ask my father. I'm 15. Is there something you can say that I can give to my father?

So, you couldn't get your mother to do your bidding for you, and now you want me to? The only thing I'll tell you is to sit down with your father and ask him what it would take to allow you to date.

My bf and I are both attorneys working for different law firms. We just found out we represent opposite sides in a divorce. Some say this is a conflict of interest. We are both very competitive. What is your opinion on what we should do?

I am not an attorney. You both should seek advice on this. My guess is that one of you will have to recuse yourself. On the surface it appears there would be a conflict.

My gf cheated on me. I'm pissed but not enough to break up. How do I get past this? She apologized and I believe her. I really love her.

My advise would be to get some professional help from someone who has had experience with couples. That way you won't make any mistakes as you work through everything.

My bf keeps finding little faults in me and makes comments. Like "you missed a curl in the back." What's up with that? I've asked him to stop but he just keeps doing it. This has gone on almost all of the 8 months we've been going out.

He needs an ultimatum. Tell him he either stops the criticism, or the relationship is over. It's that clear cut.

My wife knows this other woman from middle school. She's now married to this guy who I think is abusing her. She keeps making excuses for various bruises. How can we help her?

Sit down with her and talk about your observations. She may be too frightened to ask for help. Don't judge. Just give facts.

I'm 15. I want to go out with this guy who is 17 but my parents say he's too old. I'm a straight A student, don't do drugs and am active in our church. I don't understand why they won't trust me to date. What do I say to them?

All you can do is explain your case and hope for the best. Other than that, it's their house, so it's their rules. Just don't do anything stupid just to get back at them.

We live in LA. Our son met this girl back east. They've never met in person but he says he's going to move in with her. He's 26 so he's an adult and we realize we have no control. How can we be sure he doesn't get hurt?

No parent can ever be sure their child, adult or not, will never get hurt. Just be a cheerleader, but without having to fund any part of the idea. He's an adult, and he'll have to deal with the consequences.

My bf and my father get into huge arguments about politics. It almost becomes physical. I've tried to tell my bf just to not engage with my father but it keeps happening. The last thing I need is for them to get in an actual fight. How can I stop them?

You can try sitting them both down, telling them how you love both of them, and ask that they stop before things get out of hand. Here's another idea that's unique. Have them debate the issue. Give them debate rules, and let them go at it.

How can I stop looking for the perfect man? I keep finding fault with everyone I date. I'm always worried it will turn into something worse.

My guess is you had at least one critical parent. You have "learned" to be critical. Realize that NO ONE is perfect. Otherwise, you are going to be very lonely for a very long time.

Me and my husband have been married for five years. We have no kids yet. It's starting to get boring. What do we do?

You need to go back to what attracted you to each other to begin with. If it was just a drug induced fling, you're in trouble. Short of that start doing exciting things together.

This woman keeps asking me out. I feel funny as a guy. Is this normal?

Hey, Dude, this is 2019. Unless you've been living under a rock, women can ask guys out. Go along with it. You just may find you enjoy it.

I'm a 19 year old female. My parents will not let my boyfriend sleep over. It really upsets me. Is there something I can say to get them to change their minds.

Obviously from your question, you are still living under your parents roof. So here's the deal. Their house, their rules!! Clear?

Me and this guy are different religions. We both love each other very much but neither of us is willing to give up our religions. Is there a way to work this out or should we just move on?

Lots of people of different religions work things out as long as both are willing to compromise. It usually only comes to play when children are involved, but even then the family can celebrate both. With children you can expose them to both and let them choose. Just realize you are probably going to get flak from both families.

Can I ever get past my bf cheating on me? I cry all the time. I don't know what to do. I still love him but I hate him.

You are going to need some professional help to sort out all our feelings. Don't expect instant results. A lot depends on both of you. Your partner is going to have to commit to work hard at the relationship as well. You should both seek out a professional couple's counselor.

My parents cannot accept that I'm gay and have a boyfriend. I'm not sure how to handle this. Do I just ignore them?

I would suggest seeking out an LGBTQ support group. You need to hear from people who have already experienced what you are. They will give you the best advice and suggestions.

Our daughter is "dating" this guy she's met online. We don't get it. They've never actually met face to face, but she speaks like they're a couple. What's that all about?

First, I would invest a small amount to have him checked out so that you and your daughter know it's legit. Then you can decide what to do. It may be very strange to you, but it's not that unusual. Don't shut her down, or she may rebel against you and do exactly what you don't want.


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