Dr. Andrew

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Can a couple ever overcome cheating completely?

Yes, but both parties have to agree to commit 100%. It takes a lot of work to rebuild the trust.

I'm very concerned about my "bedroom performance." My gf says it's all good but IDK. How can I be sure?

Dude, take her word for it. She's the best judge

Me and my partner are both very feminine. We keep being asked how that works, that isn't it supposed to be one butch and one fem. The first time I was speechless. We don't want to be rude so how should we respond? Still can't believe others ask.

Yes, it's rude. You can blow it up by telling them to f o or you can just look and say absolutely nothing. That would be my choice.

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What's the best way to divide up expense if we decide to move in together? We make about the same amount so should it just be 50-50? We're not sure how to handle this.

If both of you are satisfied with just going 50-50, then that's good. Just talk it through. Whatever the two of you decide is the best answer. It's really no one else's business.

I guess I'm really insecure but I get freaked out if my bf is watching porn. Is that a normal thing guys do? Some friends tell me I'm paranoid.

No, not every guy watches porn. However, adult entertainment is available to men and women. It really depends on how much he's watching. If it's just occasionally, it's probably not a big deal (unless it goes against your beliefs). If it's a bunch, he may have a porn addiction. Get some professional help to sort all this out.

My gf's daughter hates me. We've tried to explain that I'm not trying to be her father but she just goes off on both of us. I've never tried to be her parent. I heard this is normal. Is it?

Yes, perfectly normal. You are just going to have to give her time. My guess is she's a young teenager. That's when they get really pissy because, in addition to the change in family, she also has her hormones starting to swirl. Just be patient, but expect it to get worse before it gets better.

We are raising our granddaughter. The relationship changed when we had to take over because our daughter went to jail. She went from being a sweet kid to really resenting us, but we have to be the parents not the loving grandparents. What do we do?

Since you've taken over the parenting job, you have to be a parent. Usually grandparents let kids get away with much more. Your granddaughter needs to know that she can't get away with things with you.

I try to be patient but my gf takes forever when she goes shopping. She can spend an hour deciding on a white blouse. Do I just not go or what?

You need to create a compromise. Let her know how long you are good to shop. She can then decide how to spend her time. It's got to work for both of you, otherwise you'll get upset, and that won't help your relationship.

I had a bit too much to drink and wound up dirty dancing with my bf's buddies. Nothing else happened but now he's really pissed. He says I violated his trust. From dancing? What should I do or say now?

If he is that freaked out just from dancing, you are going to have a difficult time doing much of anything in the future without him looking over your shoulder. It's time to dump the chump! Jealousy usually doesn't go away.

why do I keep picking losers? It just seems like I attract them. There’s got to be something I can do.

This is something I deal with all the time. Basically, it has to do with childhood issues. The best thing you can do to help yourself is to get professional help. You will learn that you are actually advertising for these losers. Get help!!

My bf is great except he’s not very modest. He runs around in his underwear even when we have friends over. I’ve told him it’s gross but he just laughs. WTF?

Your bf does not respect you enough. This is an indication of what he will be like in your future. Some people are more modest than others, but if the lack of modesty bothers one's partner, it should stop.

I’m 17. My parents won’t let me date yet so I sneak out. Some people say I’m disrespectful but I see it as gender inequality.

If you are living in your parents' house, you have to play by their rules. Yes, it's disrespectful. You mention "gender equality." Do you have a brother that is treated differently? That would explain your reaction.

I’m in love with this girl in my chem class but I don’t even think she knows my name. What should I do?

Just introduce yourself. Then be a friend. If she's interested, you will know.

Me and my gf live together. Recently this old lady moved into the apartment next to us. She lectures us every day that we’re living in sin. Any suggestions to get her to shut up?

Just smile and say nothing. Gets 'em every time. The more you react, the more she'll keep doing it. Beyond that, just look at her and say, "Please stop!"

My parents are getting a divorce. Does that make me doomed ? I’m really worried.

This question comes up quite often. Having divorced parents statistically increases the likelihood of getting divorced. That being said, it's not automatic. If one gets good counseling, the likelihood decreases significantly. Nothing is automatic.

Does online dating really work?

Online dating is a tool. As with any tool, it depends on how well it's used. Many couples started online, but many people are not satisfied with online connections. So, the bottom line is that it's just a tool despite what those companies tell you.

what is the proper amount of time to be engaged before getting married?

There is no "proper" time. It's whatever two people decide. For some short engagements (think several months) work, while for others more lengthy engagements feel better. The most important thing is what works for the couple.

Me and this guy hit it off really well. The only problem is I know nothing about his background. My friends tell me I'm being foolish pursuig him until I know what the real deal is. Does that sound right?

Fortunately, you now have technology on your side. There are a number of sites that can do a very thorough background check. I would highly recommend you do this, especially since you know very little. You need to do your due diligence.

I'm a 48 yo bachelor. Recently I met this woman and we been seeing each other. It hasn't gone past just hanging out. I don't know how to take it to the next level. I don't want to push her away. Do I just bust a move or what?

Busting a move could bust your relationship. Be patient. It's sounds like she's just not completely comfortable yet. If you are interested, your job is to always make her feel comfortable. Let her decide when the timing is right. You'll be much happier.

My gf has recently decided she needs a bunch of plastic surgery. I love her just the way she is so I don't understand what that's all about. She also seems more depressed lately. What's up with all that?

Your gf has a big problem that requires professional help. She may have developed Body Dysmorphic Disorder. She may have a distorted view of her body and body parts. This is a real disorder, and you are not trained to handle this. Encourage her to get help.

I sent a cute pic of my bf to one of my close friends. I can't believe she posted it. I am pissed. Why would she think she could do that and what do I do now?

Whatever reason she had in mind, she has violated your trust. You need to be clear if you are sending something to someone that it's not for public consumption. She needs to know how you feel. You have every right to be upset, but be clearer about your wants next time.

My bf wants me to get a Brazilian wax job. I don't really want to but I figure if it makes him happy why not. Does this make any sense?

If you were indifferent, I'd say go ahead. However you said your really don't want to. With that in mind, don't be forced into doing anything you really don't want to do just to please another person. Have more respect for yourself. Sure, it's sexy, but not if you don't want to do it.

I met this guy who is really great. The only problem is that he is into bodybuilding and that seems to be way more important than anything else including me. I'm not sure how to handle that. Is this the way all bodybuilders are or is it just him?

Bodybuilders are very dedicated to their craft and sometimes to the exclusion of those around them. It's not just him. That being said, they are still human and love being in relationships. Just be patient.

When do you know if you're in the right relationship? I think I am but I want to be sure.

First, let's be clear. Even with our wonderful app, Love Shopping List, there never will be a "sure." Anyone who tells you they can lock down your relationship for sure is full of crap. That being said, LSL will get you close. Try it.

How do people from different religious backgrounds handle dating? We want to make sure there are no obstacles going forward.

This would be a good opportunity for some couples' counseling. A good therapist will help you work through the obstacles of blending two religions into one relationship. When handled correctly, it works.


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