Dr. Andrew

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My wife's girlfriends hang out together but don't allow any guys to go out with them yet they also have a couple gay guys that are part of their entourage. They don't dress up as women so why are they allowed in?

Evidently, they feel the gay men won't interfere with the girl talk. Unless the men are very girlie (not every gay man is contrary to what a lot of homophobic people think), the women could be wrong. Besides, dressing like women is called cross-dressing, which is different than being gay. My suggestion would be to let the ladies have fun and have your buddies over for some poker and beer!

My partner (we r both gay) says its time we just come out and meet each others families. He says his family would be cool, but I know mine would freak out. I’m not embarrassed about who I am but I don’t want to upset my family. Is there a good way to get past this?

Both of you should pay a visit to a local LGBT organization. They will be able to give you really good advice on how to handle your family. You need to be true to yourself, and your family is just going to have to deal with it, one way or another. Hopefully, you will be accepted for who you are by them.

I just found out my mom has been hitting on my bf. He told me and doesn’t know how to handle it. If she causes us to break up I’m going to be really upset. she’s an alcoholic so I guess its part of who she is and what she does. Help!

You need to go to Alanon and listen to people who have been through this before. You will need to confront your mother. In the meantime, you and your boyfriend should stay away from her. Don't let her problems become your relationship problem. Your mother is ill.

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My bf has a medical marijuana card but I think it’s bullshit. I think he just uses it as an excuse to use. Is there a way to really know if somebody needs it?

Unfortunately, such cards are often issued and are not really for medical purposes. You don't say why he says he needs it, so it's hard to know. More current research has demonstrated that there really are medical uses for marijuana. You are going to have to get more information, maybe from the doctor.

My fiancee’ told me she cheated on me a while back and we are supposed to get married in a month. She said she didn’t want anything to come between us after we were married. I haven’t been able to sleep and now I’m having second thoughts.

And you should have second thoughts. I'm not sure what she means by a "while back," but I can only assume it was while you were engaged. She has sprung this on you for two reasons, neither of which are good. First, she wants to remove her own guilt, and, second, she figures it's so close to the wedding that you won't don anything. My opinion --- call it off no matter how much she pressures you. Don't make a bad situation worse.

Me and my gf watched CNN the other night with Don Lemon interviewing Trinidad James. We are both AA. I agree with James that the N word is ok for AA’s to use amongst themselves. My gf disagrees and gets really pissed when I use it. Do you have an opinion?

My opinion on this is really irrelevant because you are actually asking me who I think is right. Personally, I don't use the word because of what I saw in the deep South in the late 50"s and my own personal experiences. I think it's a matter of personal choice. Sometimes members of a particular race or ethnicity have endearing terms for one another that people outside of that circle should not use because it could be interpreted as offensive. It's definitely a discussion that needs to occur, and it needs to occur in historical context. Yes, it's used in art and music, but we all need to be sensitive about what we say. Is it a double standard? Absolutely it is, but so what.

Me and my bf never get into fights except about politics. he’s about as far to the right as he can go and I’m far to the left. The “discussions” always wind up in huge fights. We don’t fight about anything else. We can’t seem to avoid the political discussions. Is there hope?

Ahhh, yes. Politics, money, and sex. Those will get you into an argument almost all the time. There's an old saying when someone is knocking on her/his head with a fist, "Doc, it hurts when I do this." The doctors comment is, "Then don't do that!" Agree not to talk about politics if that's truly the only source of an argument. Somethings are better just not discussed when two people have such strong views.

I really like this girls but so much drama. She’s great every other way. We are both in high school. Both of us are really active in campus and sports. But everything is an 11 on a 1-10 scale. What can I do to change this?

It sounds like there is something really eating at her. You can tell her how fantastic you think she is but that it's clear that she is unhappy about something and you'd like to listen if she'd like to talk. Understand that all you can do is be a sympathetic ear. You can't change her.

My baby bro (15) is hooking up with one of my best friends in his bedroom. Do I tell my parents?

It really depends on your relationship with him and your relationship with your parents. You can try talking with him first ... and your friend about how it's not cool to violate what would clearly be a household rule. It's disrespectful to you parents. And obviously all of this makes you very uncomfortable. Your baby bro ain't so baby anymore, so he needs to understand he has the responsibility to keep the home a sacred place for you family.

Dr. Andrew I messed up with my ex girlfriend. Well, when we were dating everything was fine and we both really did love eachother but when she broke up with me everything fell apart. I said some words that would always initiate an argument, but she moved away now.I still love her. What should I do?

As harsh as this sounds, you need to learn from your mistakes an move on. What's done is done, and you can't take back the words. You can only remember to think about what you are going to say before you say it. Life often presents us with teachable moments if we are open-minded enough to pay attention.

Dr.Andrew I don't know what to do the guy I like likes me back but my teacher is his mom what do I do if he asks me out?

It may seem a bit awkward, but it happens all the time. Teachers are most often parents, too, and their children often attend the same school where they teach. The best advice I can give you is to be a model student in her class (all your classes, really). The good news is you will get a nice look into how some of his traits are by how she is. If the class is fun, he most likely will be, too. Go for it!

Ex and I broke up 2 months ago. She was seeing someone while we dated then she broke up with me and got together with him. Hurt and betrayed but am I wrong for still thinking we will ever get back together ?

It's not a matter of right or wrong. It's about what is best for you. She cheated on you, and that's very difficult to overcome ... but no impossible. The best thing to do is to get professional assistance to help you sort out your emotions and to get an objective look at what has happened. You don't say if she wants to get back together, so that is really the first question. If the answer is yes, you both need to get couples' counseling. If the answer is no, move on.

Dr. Andrew, I been with this lady for 15 years. I'm moving back this lady...I really love her and her kids. I'm kinda scared on the move. Can you tell me if I'm doing the right thing...moving back in with her. Because the last time we were living together things happen and I moved out.

You don't say what the "things" were, but I can only assume they were not good. Before you move back in, both of you should see a good relationship therapist. The therapist will help both of you in deciding what you want to do and will offer strategies to reduce the conflict that you describe. I would absolutely not move back in until the issues between the two of you are resolved.

My health teacher says that the only sure way not to get pregnant is not to have sex. I thought that’s what birth control is for. Is she right?

I know you may find this hard to believe, but your health teach is right. No method of birth control, other than abstinence, is 100% effective. There can be many reasons for this, but it's true. If someone wants to reduce the possibility to an absolute minimum while still having sex, then the female on birth control pills and the male using a condom will help. Beyond that, if you are interested in 100%, then go by the old joke that an aspirin is the most effective birth control. Put it between your knees and hold it there tightly.

Our son is dating this girl who is less than refined. We can’t understand why he doesn’t see it. How do we open his eyes?

You don't say how old your son is, but at some point you are going to have to let him grow up and make his own decisions and accept the consequences of his decisions, good or bad. He may not be as picky about her refinement as you, or he may be doing it just to spite you. In any event, if he is an adult, you can't open his eyes. He's going to have to learn about life on his own. As a parent myself, I know how hard it is to sit on my hands with the decisions our children made along the way, but they seemed to turn out just fine.

How come if we love each other we fight all the time?

The simplest answer is that despite your love for each other, you may not be all that compatible. The other possibility is that neither of you has learned effective compromise. Relationships are really all about compromise. If either or both people dig their heels in, nothing gets resolved whether it's big issues or small issues. I would seriously consider getting some professional help to see if you can move your relationship along, IF that's what BOTH of you really want to do. Otherwise you are just going to continue along the same path.

I’ve been friends with this guy since elementary school and we are in high school now. We talked & we don’t want to ruin our friendship by going together but we like spending time together more than with anyone else. Would this ruin our friendship if we went together?

The best, most successful relationships are base on friendship. If you are getting along all this time, it certainly sounds like you two are very compatible. Not only would it probably not ruin your relationship, it will most likely make it even stronger.

How do you know if you are picking the right person? I was burned so I’m afraid to commit.

Well, you certainly have come to the right place. Our app & book, both named Love Shopping List, are designed to assist you in making the choice by identifying what you really want and helping you prioritize what you want. The app is in the Apple app store for free and the book is available at my.bookbaby.com/book/love-shopping-list

My husband keeps getting strange email from this same lady. He says he doesn’t know who she is but this worries me. He even showed me that he tried to block her but I’m not real techie so I don’t know if he did it. How do I get over being scared?

Assuming your husband is being truthful with you by showing you all the communication, this could be a case of cyberstalking. It's much more common today than ever before. Both of you should consult a tech specialist who can help you block her more effectively. Print all the emails so you have a record just in case you have to bring the situation to the attention of law enforcement.

My bff told my bf that I was not sure about our relationship. Now he says he’s not sure. I’m so mad at her I could slap her. How do I get this straightened out? I was going to tell her off but we’ve been friends for a long time.

You should ask to sit down with her and then ask her why she did that first. Then tell her how much she upset you. Emphasize that because you have been friends for such a long time, you were very surprised and disappointed by what she did, but you'd like to look beyond that and keep the friendship. Depending on how she responds, you will know whether or not you really have a bff.

We were forced to move back in with my husband’s parents. They have never liked me (married 2 yrs) and his mother is constantly saying nasty things about me. I don’t want to seem unappreciative, so what do I say? My husband says just to ignore it until we move out.

Never ignore nasty comments, but that doesn't mean you have to make a scene. Try telling her that you have noticed she has said some hurtful things, and you were wondering if you had done something to upset her. You can always later add that she is making you uncomfortable. She may actually be mad at her son but is taking it out on you. One should never ignore rude people because they will only continue. However, approaching them in a very calm respectful manner often gets really good results.

What does it mean if a guy is constantly bothering you (like pushing playfully)? saying "I love you" (in a joking manner) my friends say we should date and he was there one time when I replied "No we shouldn't" and he looked kind of disappointed (I like him but I'm not sure if the feelings mutual)

Sometimes my gender just doesn't know how to flirt. In elementary school if you liked a girl, you pulled her hair or did something goofy. I would say for now just play along (unless like you are both in your mid to late 20's). You will know soon enough what he means by all this. Then you can make up your mind about what you want to do. If you are pushing him away because you don't like his advances, just "playfully" tell him what you consider a nice way to flirt with you.
Liked by: Emma

How can I tell if my crush likes me back? (p.s I'm a sophomore in highschool)

There is not really one major action that indicates someone likes you unless they just come right out and say it. Usually it is just with smiles and wanting to be around you, sharing some of your interests, and engaging in conversations with you. Some people read the signals better than others. Some people need a slap upside the head to get something that is very obvious. It's all part of the dating scene. If you don't feel rejected by your advances, then the feeling is probably mutual.

I had a falling out with a girl I was insane for. I want to move on and stuff, but, I feel like I need time before I ease into anything with another person. Help?? Confused..

You have an emotional wound that needs time to heal. Jumping right into another relationship is not advisable. Moving on does not mean you need to go right into dating. Even if the relationship got really ugly, it's still a loss. You need to allow yourself time to grieve. Too many people try to ignore the emotions involved in breaking up. That just makes the upset last longer.

I think my best friend's mother has the hots for me but I'm not into it and I just see problems ahead. Should I tell my best friend or just keep cool about it?

There are two ways to go with this. One is to say to your friend, "Gee, your mom is awfully affectionate." That way you're bringing it out in the open. It may not be the first time he has experienced this. Obviously, she's got problems if she's hitting on you. The other way is just not to be alone at any time with her but not to say anything to your friend. The call is yours on which way you think best since you know your friend.


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