Dr. Andrew

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I'm in my 20's and still a virgin, never been in a relationship, and it's still hard for me to hold convos w/ anybody (regardless of gender). Ive nvr cared about any of that stuff until recently when I started having dreams of being in a relationship and I felt calm and happy. What could this mean?

I've had a number of patients over the years with exactly the same concerns. Here is what I always recommend. Before you get into a relationship you need to become comfortable just being around and interacting with people. The best way to do this is with a theme-base organization. It could be political, it could be for a charity, or it could be any number of groups. The reason I advise this as opposed to, let's say a young singles group, is because you don't have to worry about what you will be saying or doing. The "theme" of the group does that for you. The people interaction just comes along for the ride, but then you gain the skills to move on. Your dreams are telling you that you are ready to start the process of seeking a meaningful relationship. And don't worry about the virgin part. When the time is right, that will take care of itself, too.

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I'm in love with my coworker (actually she's a teacher, I'm basically her assistant). The problem is she's married and older than me (not by much), but she is by far the nicest person I've ever met and just being around her is an honor. Should I tell her how I feel, or do I have to move on?

If you really care about her, leave her alone. You can tell her that she is a wonderful person and you respect how nice she is, but leave it at that. If you don't, and she shuts you down, both of you are going to be really uncomfortable working together. You might even find yourself in a bit of trouble for coming on to someone at work. You say she's married, so you need to respect that. It sounds like you have more of a crush on her than anything else. Appreciate her traits, but find someone else to be the object of your affection.

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Because when we have conversations we really click and laugh but he hasent made a move or attempt to get my number but he always tries to get to know me by asking questions at the same time he teases me,I don't know what to think of him does he like me or does he hate me? (pt2 end).

As I just posted on the last question answered, yes, he likes you. he just doesn't know exactly how to show it. If he is really interested, you can just talk to him sincerely, and he will respond. If you had a gentle but firm conversation with him and he still acts immaturely, you're going to have to drop him until he grows up a bit.

I'm in highschool,a freshman and there is a guy who I have 2 classes with and when the year started I would always catch him looking at me and then one day out of nowhere he started being mean to me,all my friends say he likes me,because he would never say anything actually mean,but I'm not sure(pt1

Sorry, but my gender has a tendency to show we are interested in very caveman like ways. When guys are not experienced at talking with girls but like them, we act like we are six years old. If you are a freshman, that puts him at about 14 or 15, not yet mature enough to automatically show affection in a good way. You have to teach us! Don't reward him by giving in to his behavior. Talk to him. It's okay to say that you would like to be friends, but you are not comfortable with how he is treating you. Unfortunately, there is also reason "B" and that is that he has an example at home of how a female should be treated. Don't worry. You'll get the hang of the game.

Do condoms really come in sizes?

Oh, yes. Four sizes- LOL, regular, Really and OMG. Ok, just kidding, but I couldn't resist. Yes there are sizes because even though "an erection is the great equalizer" there are still different sizes just like with any other body part. A condom that is too small will break, while a condom that is too large will slip off. Just remember that while some joke that size matters, it's a poor workman that blames his tools. Knowing what to do is way more important than size -- unless it's the LOL! Buenos Noches.

My step mother drinks a whole bottle of wine every night. I’ve tried to talk to my dad about this but he just says that she just enjoys a drink in the evening. She even passes out on the couch. Do you think I should talk to her myself?

Your mother is an alcoholic, and your father is an enabler. What you should do is go to an Alanon meeting so that you are okay. You cannot help either one of them on your own. You have to take care of yourself.

My gf was molested when she was younger. I’m afraid to do anything because I don’t want to hurt her or make her feel bad. What do I do?

Your gf is lucky to have such a sensitive boyfriend. You have placed her well being above your own desires, and you are to be commended for that. You need to tell your gf exactly how you feel, because if you don't, she may think that she is not attractive to you. If she hasn't already, she needs to get some help to get on the other side of her trauma. Just keep being supportive.
Liked by: Serena

My gf and me want to have sex but we’re both virgins. Is there some way we can find out what to do?

First, congrats for asking. There are a whole bunch of people out there who would like to know the same information. There are lots of really good book on both the male and female sexual response that you can get. Part of the fun will be to explore together. Just make sure whatever you are doing is also practicing safe sex.

How do I ask this really popular girl out? she’s not going w anyone so I’m not a problem.

As a lot of really popular girls will tell you, sometimes they don't get asked out often because the guys think they get asked out all the time, so they don't bother. Anytime anyone is asking someone out there is always the fear of rejection. It's part of learning how to cope with disappointment. It's perfectly fine to say something like there's a concert playing (or whatever) this Friday. Would you like to go? There are times where the girls will say yes, and there are times where another will say no. That's just all part of the dating game. Unless you're into arranged marriages, the dating game has been going on for a very, very long time.

A guy at school posted something that is totally not true about me. Now it’s like I’m a slut. Do I post the truth?

Yeah, it's called cyberbullying. He is a chicken shit for doing it, but it doesn't make it less hurtful. I wouldn't post anything because that would only add cred to the rumors. I would wait until he is with a group of friends and them march right up and confront him. "Hey Dude. Does it make you feel like a real man to post shit about me that isn't true? Is that how you get your manhood? You didn't even have the balls to talk to me directly. Shame on you!" Let's see how he handles that.

My husband has 2 kids that are only about 5 years younger than me. They disrespect me all the time and he does nothing. I’ve tried to get him to say something but he just says they’re only kids. How do I get him to understand and take charge?

He is not setting firm limits with them. This is really not the kids fault. It's your husband's fault for not setting limits. He needs to man up and let his kids know that while you have no intention of being their mother, you are his wife, and they need to respect that. They may feel that if they respect you they are being disloyal to their mother, but that is not a reason that you have to tolerate being disrespected. Your husband may be parenting out of guilt, which is causing him to let them get away with stuff. He needs help in how to parent. Getting mad at him won't help. You should suggest that you really care about the kids, and you feel that both of you need help in how to handle the situation.

My husband refuses to have sex with me unless I drop 5 pounds. I’m 5-3 and weigh 115. What do I say?

You don't need to say anything. Drop 5 pounds, and drop your idiot husband!! Better yet, drop the 3 pounds and then refuse to have sex with him. Let's be clear. You are NOT overweight, but even if you were, how dare he use sex as a weapon. He obviously doesn't love you unconditionally. Your marriage is not going to last unless you get professional help. Why would you subject yourself to such emotional abuse? You need help in setting very firm boundaries and probably not just with him.

My girlfriend is great but she comes over my place and is a slob. She leaves her shit all over including dishes. I’m not a total neat freak but I like order. How do I tell her without causing WWIII?

Those of you who have followed us have heard me mention "I" statements. This is a perfect time to utilize an "I" statement - an action followed by a feeling followed by a need. So here is what you can say. When you come over my place and either leave things around or don't clean up after yourself, it makes me feel like you don't respect me and it really upsets me. I need you to make a bigger effort to clean up after yourself. If she gets mad, that's too bad. You have said what you need to say in a very straight forward but respectful way. If she cares about you, she will begin to change her behavior. Otherwise, you need a new gf.

We are a young couple with a young child. Why do other people not understand we are not as available as we used to be?

People who do not have children are often times insensitive and clueless. Many years ago some good friends of ours had slept over. Our son was 3 months old at the time, and the other couple could not understand why we just couldn't pack up and go sailing with them. We tried to explain the whole nap thing and that he was not fully on a regular schedule, but they could not understand. Years later when they had children of their own they laughed at how we must have thought they were complete idiots about the whole sailing thing. Don't worry. One day your friends will realize how foolish they really were.
Liked by: Samantha Lacsican

Am I supposed to automatically like my boyfriend’s siblings? They are totally out of control.

Nothing is automatic, especially if they are acting in an inappropriate fashion. You need to discuss this with your boyfriend. Most likely he has been around their behavior so long, he does not even pay attention to it. He needs to know how uncomfortable it makes you. You need to set some boundaries. As long as their behavior is out of control you do not need to be around them. Obviously, there is some lack of parenting skills at play. Don't approach it from the standpoint of criticizing his family, since that would probably only backfire. Talk about your needs instead.
Liked by: Samantha Lacsican

I'm 5'11 and I think guys are scarred of me, because well I'm also loud and I guess outgoing and if I like them I tell them but they won't talk to me. Even if I was quite I'm afraid they wouldn't talk to me so I try to make the first move

My guess is you are a younger female. Younger guys are very intimidated by tall, strong females. You are who you are, and you should be proud of that. You will find a guy who admires and respects you for who you are. You are just going to have to be patient. Making the first move will only intimidate them further.

Is there such thing as too much sex?

Some would laugh and say NEVER. The reality is that if it's controlling your life, it's an addiction and need professional help. Sex addiction is real and is every bit as dangerous as any other addiction. If your just talking about recreational sex, then, no, there's no such thing.

How can I help my bff realize she is really with this messed up scumbag? She thinks he’s wonderful and doesn’t know he cheats on her.

You can try having an honest conversation, but sometimes that backfires and you wind up having your friend call you a shit stirrer and a liar. That's a chance you may have to take. I still vote for protecting a friend. Friends don't let friends be stuck with scumbags!

My former fiancee says she gets to keep the ring anyway. I say it’s mine. Is this a legal issue I can address?

Ah yes. The old ring question. There have been many lawsuits over exactly this thing. No one has ever come up with an exact answer. Many courts view it that you gave a gift, and a gift does not have to be returned. You can try small claims court (unless the ring was more than $10K).

My gf thinks I should pay for everything because I’m the guy. Before I dump her is there anything I can say that will make her see what she is doing?

Your girlfriend seems to have a sense of entitlement. It doesn't sound like that is going away anytime soon. You can't make her see anything. She has to see things for herself. I vote for dumping her.

I have a trust fund. My bf keeps trying to pay for stuff and says it’s only right cause he’s the guy. I told him there is all this money and not to worry, but he doesn’t listen. It’s the only thing we argue about.

Your boyfriend is embarrassed and feels inadequate. He feels "less than." All you can do is keep being supportive. Let him pay for what he can and just offer to pay for things

Im a high school jock. Im pretty sure Im gay but Im afraid to approach any of the guys I like. Is there a safe approach?

Nobody like rejection whether it's gay or straight. Relationships are always tricky but are more so in your circumstances. Before you can make any decisions about approaching anyone, you need to be honest with yourself and your sexual preference. The best thing you can do for yourself is to approach a local LGBT organization for information and support. Talk to people who have been through exactly what you are going through. They will share their experiences and wisdom with you so you don't feel so lost.

How do I get my mother to keep out of my relationships with guys? She’s a control freak.

As ridiculous as this may sound because you want your independence, the best way to get her to back off is to involve her more. There are many variables in this like your age, your relationship with your mother, her own personal life, etc. If you can do it, it's also best to sit down with her and have an honest conversation about how you feel with pointing fingers and getting angry. That definitely won't work. Parents tend to be very protective of daughters when it comes to dating, and that's probably never going to change.

I think I made a mistake by saying I would go with this guy. How do I know?

Before you decide to go with anybody you should have a pretty good idea of what you want in a relationship. As our followers already know, our app Love Shopping List, is available to help you decide and then to help you score your relationship to see if is really what you want. It's free in the Apple App Store, so there's really no reason not to use it.


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