Dr. Andrew

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My mom and dad are divorced. My mom is dating this creep. I asked my dad what to do but he said he can’t say anything which pisses me off. How do I tell my mom?

First, your dad is correct. They are divorced, and what she does is really none of his concern unless it directly impact you. Do you know him well enough to know he's a creep, or does it just creep you out because it's a male other than your father with your mother? Depending on your relationship with your mother, you might want to have a discussion with her that does not involve you being judgmental about the men she dates. just tell her you love her, are concerned about her, and want her to be happy.

This guy is 23 and still lives at home. he’s a real nice guy but should I worry about that?

It really depends. if he's got a good relationship with his parents, and he's just living at home to save money, it's okay. I would observe his interactions with his family, particularly his mother. If all is good, you've got a really good thing going. if he's a mama's boy, get out while you can.

My girlfriend has been acting real weird lately like crying and stuff. She won’t talk to me so idk if its me. What do I say to her?

I not sure what you mean by "weird." Does that mean depressed, anxious, bizarre or what?? Before you blame yourself, you need to find out what's going on Try talking to her close girlfriends by saying that you are ok if she wants to break up, but your just really concerned about her. You can't make any reasonable decisions without more information. As a psychologist, I'm always worried when behavior changes abruptly. It's a sign of something not good. She could be having a breakdown, and you could be the one to prevent some sort of tragedy.

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How many times do I give my bf a second chance for cheating?

How many times would you like to enjoy the pain that goes along with being betrayed? I can't tell you what your tolerance level is for pain, but i can tell you that you must not love yourself enough to put a stop to getting hurt. I'm sure you wouldn't let someone you loved get hurt, so why are you allowing him to do this too you. Your question indicates that even though you use the term "second chance," there have been more than one times it's occurred. Give him his walking papers now before you get hurt again.

This guy I've dated four times ... Ya I know not healthy .... Still likes me , yet hates me ??! He claims I'm the problem for everything ! How do I make him leave me alone and get over it ??!

Hmmm, let's see. You've dated him four times, which means you had to say "yes' four times. And each time he blames you for everything? Let's try this. I want you to repeat this four thousand, one hundred and seventy-two times our however many times it takes for you to be comfortable saying it. "NO" Okay, now keep going. You still have a bunch more times. Seriously, you already know this, so why are you going against your own good judgement? That's the real question to be asked.

I've always been very bad at having conversations with people my own age (early 20's), yet I get along very well with older people (40's and up). Is there a reason for this?

Older people do not pose a threat. They are more like talking with your parents or aunts and uncles. When you have conversations with people your own age, there's more at stake. You start thinking about your social circle or how serious things could get or how it will impact your reputation, etc. The best thing to do is just act yourself. Some will accept you for who you are, others might not. That's okay. You can't please everyone. Older people (yes, I'm one of them) are generally easier to talk to because they have much more life experience and good advice to share -- sometimes too much advice -- but it's generally intended to help.

I've been in love with a guy since the third grade and he's my best friend ! I'm a freshmen now and on valentines day he said he felt the same and admitted everything..... We've gotten closer , but still normal. Everyone expects us to date sine , but still nothing has happened ? What do I do ?

You don't need to do anything. Your relationship is at the really, really good friends stage. Don't rush things or put on any pressure. Just enjoy every stage of your relationship. The best and most secure relationships are started when two people are just good friends and always stay that way. Don't worry about what everyone else thinks you should do. Just enjoy the moment. If things are meant to evolve, they will. Don't put unnecessary pressure on either of you with someone else's artificial time schedule.

hey I need some advice! I'm dating this guy but I don't think he likes me anymore.. we haven't hugged in 2 weeks and he won't respond to my texts... what you recommend to do? what is happening?? thanks your advice means a lot!

Communication takes two people. You really don't know if he doesn't like you anymore or something has happened to him. I would send him something that says you want to respect his privacy, but you just need to know if he is still interested. If not, that's okay, but you just need to know so you can move forward. Tell him he doesn't need to give any kind of long explanation if he doesn't want to. Tell him he can just respond with "good bye," and you will accept that with no questions asked. Tell him that if there is no response you will just assume that he would like to end the relationship, and you will be moving on. This isn't ideal, but it beats you being stuck.

Should I let my 18 year old daughter sleepover at her boyfriends house? Concerned father.

Your daughter is 18. That means in the eyes of the law she is an adult. Curiously, I would ask you if you would ask the same question about an 18 yo son. If you've done a good job of teaching your daughter to make good decisions, you need to let her make them. Your daughter is not a little girl anymore, and for a lot of us, that's hard to deal with, but you have to let go. As a father, I completely understand your concern. Our daughter is an adult, but I'm still probably much more protective about her than of our son, so I know how hard it is to let go. Just trust in what you have taught her (hopefully you've done a good job), and let her know that you love her.

My boyfriend and I are in separate schools thousands of miles apart. Should I be worried about the girl that he told me about who is just his "Friend"?

If you are both in school, it means you are both young. It is unfair to both of you to swear allegiance to each other under the circumstances. You will be missing out on so much of what the school experience is supposed to be about. Don't put each other in a situation where you have to tell half truths or engage in "little white lies." If your relationship is meant to be, it will continue in time. Obviously, whether she is a friend or a friend with benefits, you have no control and won't really find out. It will eat at you and drive you nuts. The two of you should come to an understanding that it's okay to participate in the school experience completely and without guilt. It's a much healthier way to handle things.

What should a girl do when she is slapped in public by her boyfriend?

Wow! First, stop calling him a boyfriend. He is most definitely a boy and not a man, but he is no friend. There is absolutely no excuse for something like that. If there are issues, they need to be addressed appropriately in private. I'm surprised that some other male did not step in and deck the guy, because I certainly would have. A slap is a very personal attack. It is demeaning, degrading, and controlling. If her friends are reading this, PRESS CHARGES. No one has a right to invade anyone else's personal space. Obviously, he thinks he can get away with something like that. He needs to be taught a lesson.

one more question (im the WTF DO I DO") ive been convince for half a year i love him and i honestly do but i know it'll never happen. and we have great convos i real life and sometimes great convos texting. i still want to stay friends to so idk. i am young tho but i do love him. advice?

If you have an iPhone, download our app, Love Shopping List. It's free. It will guide you through what you really want in a relationship. Then compare him to your ideal list. It will give you a score. It will help you figure things out. You can still stay friends. There's no reason to become enemies. It sounds like he's afraid to commit. You have to ask yourself how long you are willing to wait around.
Have a good week
Liked by: Mystery

I get that. We are pretty good friends (im the person with the "WTF DO I DO") But every time i try to talk to him it gets kinda awkward, and we did date for a while. He broke up with me but he still said he might like me. I just dont know if i should stop liking him or not.

A relationship has to be good for both of you. At some point that only you can decide it becomes decision time. Assuming that you are fairly young, you shouldn't have to wait around until he decides what to do or how to act. Personally, I wouldn't wait around for him. Lick your wounds and move on.
Happy to continue the dialogue if you need to.
Liked by: Mystery

My girlfriend was raped and I don’t know what to say or how to help her. She doesn’t want to tell her parents.

Your girlfriend desperately needs help, love, and support. Helping a person who has been sexually attacked is difficulty even for a trained professional. You are simply not equipped to handle this on your own. Your girlfriend has to get professional help if she is to come away from the experience with the fewest scars. The sad fact is that 1 in 5 women will be sexually attacked in their lifetime. Get her help, please.
Liked by: Mystery

Do people really do s&m?

As many a psychologist has pointed out, there is only a fine line between pain and pleasure. Sex between two consenting adults is just that - between those two adults. What they do in the privacy of their room is up to them. Yes, people really do s&m. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me! :-)
Liked by: Mystery

My mother in law is becoming a pain. My husband just laughs it off. He doesn’t support me. How can I tell him he needs to step up?

You need to sit him down and tell him how much it really upsets you. You should not have to endure mistreatment. You can give him a choice of the two of you talking to her together, or let him know you will be happy to confront her yourself.
Liked by: Mystery

Is there a “safe” time of the month?

The method of birth control to which you are referring is called the "rhythm method." There's a name for couple who practice that method of birth control -- PARENTS! While theoretically it take 12 to 24 hours for an egg to leave the ovary and travel to the uterus to be fertilized (ovulation), sperm can stay alive for up to three days. So if intercourse takes place 2 days before, 1 day before, or on the day of ovulation pregnancy is possible. That all sounds great, and there are all kinds of schemes to try to guess when all this takes place (like taking the woman's temperature), it's really all guess work. So in the words of Dirty Harry, "Do you feel lucky today? Well, do you?"
Liked by: Mystery

My husband and I are newlyweds and we both work full time. He thinks I should be responsible for the household completely. What do most couples do?

There is no "most couples." It comes down to what each couple feels is the best for them. Your husband is living his life in the 50's. It's not that he has to do everything you do, but when both partners are working full time, things around the house should be the responsibility of both. You might have different tasks, e.g. you shop and he does the lawn and gardening, but it should equal out in terms of time. These are things that the two of you need to sit down and discuss.
Many years ago I was seeing a couple for similar problems. The wife complained that he never took his dishes away after dinner (she wanted him to set an example for the children). He said that he worked all day, so he shouldn't have to do that. She solved the problem by not serving him dinner. It only took two weeks for him to get the message.

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Liked by: Mystery

My bf keeps pressuring me to go bareback. I don’t want to but he says if I really love him I will. What do I say?

As with anything to do with sex, "No" means no. Don't EVER feel pressured into doing anything you don't feel comfortable doing. Your boyfriend is an anal orifice for trying to pressure you and using guilt. Hey, buddy - "If you really love me ..." Really?? What? are you in junior high school.
My real advice would be to tell your boyfriend to take a hike!
Liked by: Mystery

We are a lesbian couple. I would like to have kids but my partner is against it. I don’t want to break up, but it’s important to me. Any ideas?

The fact that you are a lesbian couple is really minor in this discussion. Couples, gay and straight, often have the same difficulties. The idea of children was never thoroughly discussed at the beginning of the relationship. There are certain "make it or break it" issues in a relationship. The decision to have children (naturally or by adoption) is one of those issues. Ultimately, if it's that important to you, but your partner insists on no children, you are going to have to make a choice. You make want to seek some professional help to get both of you through this crisis.

I love my wife but lately we aint bin tcb. I keep having thoughts. She just says she’s tired. Help

Whatever you do, do not let this go. There can be many reasons for a loss of sex drive. The first thing is to rule out any medical reason, and there are many. The female system is way more complicated than the male system. Your wife may be under too much stress. The sexual response in a female involves much more and much higher brain function than the male. Most males are kind of like a preying mantis. You could bite our heads off, and we'd still perform for a while. Not so with females. Be supportive and not critical. Of course, if you've been acting like a jerk, you just may have been cut off for a while. Think about it.

My bf keeps forgetting important dates. It really pisses me off. How do I get him to remember?

I am going to set aside the idea of someone with ADD, because that could explain a lot. Many times certain occasions are more important to some people than to others. In general males are probably not quite as sentimental as females, so it simply doesn't come up on our radar. That's an explanation, not an excuse. Instead of getting mad, try sitting down with him and use "I" statements, an action followed by a feeling followed by a need e.g. "When you forget my birthday, it makes me feel like you really don't care about me or what is important to me. I need you to figure out a way to remember important dates." In this age of technology, it should be relatively simple to help him put stuff in his calendar as reminders. Personally as a male, I've made it a point to celebrate all occasions in our family and to mutually initiate the celebrations. It's what was modeled for me by my parents.

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Why is it okay for girls to make fun of guys but not the other way around?

If someone is making fun of another person directly, that's not okay, it's personal. The sexes have been making fun of each other for a very long time, and my guess is that it will continue. If you are seriously thinking that guys don't make fun of girls when the guys are together, you are mistaken. As long as it is good natured, not personal, and not mean, we all need to laugh more. C'mon, there are plenty of jokes about women, and even the women laugh. HOWEVER, WARNING! If you are in a relationship, don't go there unless you would like to find yourself in the dog house (True, somehow women don't wind up in the dog house. go figure).

I've like this one person compassionately for a long time and I'm not sure if i like him anymore. I just feel devoted to this one person. WTF DO I DO?

Sometimes people grow out of love. Sometimes people grow apart. You first need to figure out what's going on with you, and then you need to sit down with him and discuss your relationship. If you don't do these things, you will begin to grow resentful and angry. Your anger may come out directly or it may come out in a passive-aggressive fashion (like just not calling or texting him back). Neither is good for either one of you. Communication is most certainly the key here. Don't let too much time go by before taking action.

I feel so frustrated often that i dont have a boyfriend. Im 21 and havent ever had one. Theres been guys where ive felt like ive wanted them but then chickened out or changed my mind. Whats up with me? :/

It certainly sounds like you are just not sure of yourself. The first order of business is to sit down and really figure out what you want. What you DON'T want is just to have a boyfriend because everybody else has one. Our app, Love Shopping List, is designed to assist you in figuring out what you want in a relationship. Try it. It's free in the Apple App store. Secondly, I wouldn't be so hard on yourself. You might want to get some counseling so that you feel more comfortable interacting with the guys you are interested in. It certainly would be short term unless there are other issues. Just enjoy casual dating, and don't put added pressure on yourself. Relax and enjoy.


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