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(Cont.) We are getting to the point of asking them not to come but I don’t want our kids to suffer. How should we handle this?

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Every time my parents come to visit us they criticize everything including how we parent. For the sake of our kids we don’t say much but its getting old. They have always been critical of me since I can remember.

Both of you need to sit down with your parents and have a REAL discussion. You need to explain that it took you a long time to get over them being critical of you, but you will not subject your children to the criticism. Ask them respectfully to stop the criticism. If they refuse or blame it on you, you will have to go to the next step of telling them that until they can stop, you won't subject your children to that behavior.

There’s this girl in my history class who I think likes me. I’m not sure how to find out. I would like to go out with her but I’m not sure what to do. I’m worried that if I ask her she might say no.

Part of dating is accepting that you may get rejected. We all have. Just be patient and be friendly. Get to know her a bit before asking her out. She may be just as shy about letting you know her feelings. Be a gentlemen at all times. Practice what you want to says so you don't sound like a fool.

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Me and my gf have been going together for 5 years. Things are fine the way they are but she started asking me about marriage. It freaks me out. My parents were divorced and I don’t want to go through that. I know I might lose her if I say no. Can you offer any ideas?

You are not doomed to repeat what you saw as a child, even though statistically you are more at risk. It sounds to me like you need some professional advice to help you get through your fear of commitment. I'm guessing your parents' divorce was pretty messy, and that's what you are remembering. You were clearly traumatized.

Why do older adults freak out about online dating? My grandmother constantly lectures me about it.

Many older adults do not really understand technology. Decades ago anyone who had to use a computer to find a date was considered to be a loser. Your grandmother is trying to protect you. The best advice is to sit down with her and show her. Also show her how many people are using online dating, including people her age.

I have 2 kids and my bf has 2 kids. We are both in our early 30’s and divorced. Neither of us wants to make the same mistake especially with kids involved. How do other people like us handle it?

Each of you should be wiser the second time around. Our app, Love Shopping List, should help you make better choices. I would suggest each of you do it independently and then talk about what you find out. You each need to figure out what you really want in a relationship, otherwise you most likely will repeat your mistakes.

My culture does not allow dating. This guy asked me out and I kind of said yes. Now I’m worried about dishonoring my parents. They do not understand American ways. Is there something I can say to them to make them understand?

Probably not. This is a very difficult situation when cultures clash. If you wish to honor your parents, thank the young man and explain it exactly as you stated. Your culture does not allow dating. Thank him, though.

I have been going out with two guys. I see one during the week and the other on weekends. They don’t know about each other. I’m trying to figure out which one I like better. I used your app but they both score about the same. Now what?

Remember that the app is to enable you to make good choices. Obviously, it's done it's work, and you have two that fit your needs. The rest is now up to you and how you feel about each of them. Maybe try refining your characteristics in the app and restore them. Love is still the intangible in any relationship.

My boss is a female and married but separated. I know she has feelings for me. What do I do? I’m really not interested but I don’t want to lose my job.

If she acts on it or makes unsolicited advances, it's sexual harassment. It needs to be reported. You have every right to work in an environment that is free of anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. I would refer to your employee handbook. If necessary, you may need to contact an attorney.

Every time we get together with this couple they argue about politics. We try to pretend we are interested but we aren’t . Its really disruptive to our relationship with them. How do we tell them politely to STFU?

Just tell them. When you pretend you are interested, it only makes them think that you are, and their behavior will continue. You can tell them that you really enjoy their company EXCEPT when they discuss politics. If that doesn't work, stop going out with them.

I read advice columns all the time. Most of what is there is pretty good but I recently came across one that said a person should not interfere in the relationship between divorced people. I think it depends on the relationship. Sometimes a person needs support because the other party is an ass.

It really depends on the people involved. Yes, in some cases, one or the other of the party is the true cause of the problem. Sometimes, and it's both men and women, one or both can be real jerks. Just try to be objective, but if you see someone being mistreated, definitely speak up.

Me and my bf are best friends. Other people say we spend too much time together. They say we will burn out because of this. Does this actually happen and should we spend less time together?

It really depends on the two of you. I would definitely say that you each need some separate interests, but you are best friends, and best friends really enjoy spending time with each other. You won't necessarily burn out unless you simply exclude everyone else. Yes, if you do that, you will. Just keep doing things with all your friends, and you'll be fine.

My gf’s son is a really cute kid. I get along with him really well. His bio father is a jerk and is clearly emotionally abusive to him. The kid tells me everything. Do you think it’s ok for me to confront the father? His mother has tried but the jerk just shuts her off.

First try not confronting him but wanting to have a conversation with him. Start out by telling him how great his kid is. Tell him that you are not trying to be his fathers. Ask what he thinks you can do to help his kid since you are in the picture. If none of this works and he's still abusive, report him. Emotional abuse is reportable.

Me and this guy have had an online relationship for almost a year. We live across the country from each other. We are thinking about meeting up in person but now I’m worried. How do I find out if he’s for real?

Especially in today's world you want to make sure people who are they say they are. As you know, there are plenty of people in your situation who have been misled online. There are services online to check someone out. The truly best solution is to hire a private investigator to find out what is real and what is not. Well worth the money.

My life partner and I are in a dilemma. We have decided to get married but there are certain people who won’t come even though they are friends. We are not sure if it’s because they don’t believe in same sex marriage but are just ok with us as partners. Do you think we should ask them?

What would be the purpose of asking them? Regardless of their answers, it would only upset the two of you and take away from your happy occasion. The people who want to be there will be there because they care about you and want to support you. BTW, if they won't come, then are they really friends?

Me and this guy are friends with benefits. Lately we been having feelings for each other. We don’e know what to do at this point. We get along really well and our friends think so too. What now?

Even though people try to admit otherwise, friends with benefits always involves feelings. Thinking otherwise is just about being in denial. If the two of you have feelings for each other, and even your friends think so, why hesitate. Some relationships have been based on a lot less and are still successful. Just keep having fun together.

My BF is perfect except he is a slob. Is there some way I can train him not to be? He dresses nicely but I would like him to dress fancier too.

Positive reinforcement is the best motivator. Reward him with kindness and praise when he does things you want, even if it's not exactly the way you would do it. And if he dresses nicely, as you say, just accept him for who he is. There's a saying that goes with a situation like this. Men marry women hoping they won't change. Women marry men hoping they will.

My girlfriends parents don't like me. I have never done anything to make them not like me. I am getting tired of it. My girlfriend says just to let it go. What can I do?

Just keep being respectful to the point they have no complaints. I know it's tough to swallow your pride, but it will be for the better if you want to keep your girlfriend. Once they see how well you treat her, they might reconsider their opinion.

Who pays for what at a wedding?

In 2016 unless one set of parents are really rich, a lot of times both sets of parents will sit down and discuss things together. However, if the couple is older, than say, the couple pays, not the parents.

We are a newly married couple. We live close to my elderly parents. My brother refuses to help with my parents. It is putting a big strain on my relationship. His wife says it's not their problem ???

You don't say how far away your brother and his wife live, but I'm guessing it's pretty far. Shame on his wife, and bigger shame on him for not standing up to her. A daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life. A son is a son until he takes a wife. Sometimes that rings true.

Me and this guy hooked up at a friends wedding. We have kind of been seeing each other ever since. I am not sure if he is the one. Is there a way to find out?

Let me guess. Everyone had a bit to drink, and ... I would suggest taking a close look at what you want in a relationship, a really serious look ( our app, Love Shopping List can help you do that). Then see if he really matches up with what you really want. Don't jump into something so serious just because you had some fun.

Our son in law is very disrespectful to us. We have not said anything to our daughter because we don't want to make trouble. My husband is ready to explode at him. Any suggestions?

I suggest you speak with your daughter first to find out what is going on behind the scene. You have to have her perspective before deciding what to do. HOWEVER, maybe what this guy needs is to hear the real deal from your husband. Before you do that consider some family therapy to see if it can be handled in a problem solving fashion as opposed to being handled with anger.

Is there ever such thing as love first sight?

Yes, with the understanding that good love matures with the age of the relationship. It becomes more intense and satisfying. I went home to my parents the first night I met my wife and told them that she is IT. That was 47 years ago. So, yes, there is such a thing as love at first sight.

My kid brother is gay. My BF's parents say they won't come to our wedding if my brother is there. My bf is totally supportive of me, but I am trying hard to find a way for his parents to come. What do you think?

I think that his parents a going to regret their decision. That being said, unfortunately I doubt there is anything anyone can say or do that will change their minds because they are so willing to not be at their own son's wedding over this. Your bf has made his decision to support you and your family. It will be a special day. Enjoy it. I'm sure there are much deeper issues between him and his family.

I have a problem taking compliments. When I look at myself in the mirror I don’t see what guys see. I think I’m ok but not great. I keep hearing from guys they think I’m really hot. I keep thinking it’s just a line & that they don’t mean it. What should I do?

This is not just about the compliments. Who was your critical parent? Somewhere along the line you have absorbed criticism, and that has created a lot of self-doubt. Step away from the old tapes in your head and give yourself an honest evaluation. That being said, don’t be naïve either. Guys are full of lines.


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