I'm a confused male. I do everything I can think of to try to please my gf. I could do the same thing that made her happy two days ago but then it doesn't. I know guys joke about the "rules" but c'mon. Any suggestions as to how to be consistently successful?

August 11, 2017

There's a not-so-tongue-in-cheek expression among couples' therapists. Just get the guys to say "Yes, Dear," and that will resolve 95% of relationship problems. I know this pisses a lot of guys off with claims of "That's not fair," but do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?

My bf is into porn. He says there's nothing wrong with it. I don't think he's addicted or anything like that since he just watches it maybe once a week. He wants me to watch it with him but it's not my thing. I told him I'm fine if he wants to watch it but I don't. Did I say the right thing?

August 11, 2017

As long as it's not out of hand, and as long as you are ok with having him watch, you are both adults, so it doesn't sound like a big problem. Unless it is!! Many couples watch adult films together and find them stimulating, while other couples do not. It's all about personal preferences and what's agreed upon between the two of you.

My husband of one year had told me he thinks he made a mistake getting married. Now he comes back and says he thinks he made a mistake saying that. My head is spinning. What do I do?

August 11, 2017

Absolutely for sure the two of you need to see a couples' therapist as soon as possible. Since I don't have a lot of information, the only thing I can say is that there are some deep issues that neither of you were aware of. One way or another, those issues need to be resolved. I'm sure you are confused and hurt.

My bf is great in every way except he is too controlling. Maybe it's part of our Latino culture, but I'm not sure I like it. What do other contemporary Latino couples do? How is it handled?

August 04, 2017

Cross cultural issues are often difficult to deal with. This is 2017, so my personal belief is that the old idea of a male dominated culture should be banished. In a good relationship you don't try to control your partner. You support your partner! That should be the final word.

I want this guy in my chem class to ask me out. I don't know what to do to get him to notice me. I don't want to be slutty just to get him to notice me. Andy ideas.

August 04, 2017

Find out what he's interested in, study it, and talk with him about it. It makes you seem interested and interesting. That's the key.

Me and my partner have been out for quite some time. There are still people who criticize us. We are so tired of comments. We try to be positive and educate, but some people just don't want to hear it.

August 04, 2017

You can't fix STUPID. All you can do is live your lives true to yourselves. Haters are going to hate. It's a learned behavior. Just stay positive and don't let the bastards grind you down.

I had this guy checked out and he seems to have a clean past. How reliable are those investigations? I want to be as sure as possible moving forward.

August 04, 2017

Like everything else, it depends upon the level. I always suggest that you get what you pay for. Retain the best that you can afford. The info is usually spot on and hightly reliable.

I made a mistake and was texting with this girl (definitely not Sexting). My gf is now pissed and says I cheated on her. I thought it was just innocent fooling around. She wants to break up with me now. Very sad. I can see her point and I'm very sad that I screwed this up.

August 04, 2017

All you can do is apologize. If you are in a committed relationship, act like it. Stop acting like you're still playing the field. Learn from your mistakes.

I can't believe we are going to break up over politics. My bf has become like this extreme right wing nut case. I never saw this behavior before. Now I'm scared. I don't know if I want to take a chance that a lot of this is the real him. How do I find out?

August 04, 2017

He's given you a glimpse of what he's really like underneath all the niceness that he's shown you. This is a huge red flag for you. This part of him is there, and it's now come out. If you don't like it, then you are going to have to make some hard choices.

How do I nicely tell this guy I am not interested in dating him. He's very persistent. I don't want to hurt his feelings

August 04, 2017

Just keep nicely turning him down. However, at some point you may have to just tell him that while you think he's a nice person, you're not interested in dating him. It may sound harsh, but it may come to that.

I need more info on relationships. I understand you wrote a book. Do you think that will help me.

August 04, 2017

The book is entitled Love Shopping List, the same as our app. Going by what people have said, the real stories in the book have helped answer a lot of questions. You can purchase in on amazon, Barnes & Noble, and several other places. It's an easy read, so give it a try.

My friends father passed away about 6 months ago. His mother has started dating again. Some people are saying that's too soon and are harsh behind her back. Is there an accepted time limit before dating?

July 28, 2017

There is no time limit. It depends on the individual. Some are ready for relationships relatively quickly and some may never be in another relationship. There is no right or wrong. People should respect the difficulties the person is experiencing as a result of the loss and be supportive, not critical

What's the best way to apologize?

July 28, 2017

Just say you're sorry but really mean it.

My husband is a professional. He allows his office staff to call him by his first name. I think this is inappropriate. He says it just makes things more casual and less tense. Is there some written or unwritten rule about this that I should know?

July 28, 2017

There are no "rules." Some offices are more casual than others. I know that when we had a large staff, they called me "doctor" in front of patients, but by my first name otherwise. I think it just depends on the individual. However, it is always up to the professional to keep the boundaries in place.

Me and my bff got into a huge fight over something stupid. Now she is saying she won't be my maid of honor at my wedding. I am crushed. I've tried to get her to understand but she just says I insulted her one too many times. Help!

July 28, 2017

Have you examined your role in what happened. Clearly, from your statement you have insulted her before. You need to examine what is going on in your head that you keep doing this to someone you call your bff. Maybe then the answer will come to you.

I posted something on Instagram that I'm sorry for. It was mean and cruel. I've already apologized but this guy won't accept my apology. What do I do?

July 28, 2017

There's not much you can do at this point. You've already made your apology and it's not accepted. Move on and learn. Stop posting things on social media unless you are prepared to have the whole world know about it.

My life partner and I are considering taking it to the next step. We are committed to doing this but are also kind of scared. Any ideas?

July 28, 2017

The best advice is to talk to people who have already gone through same sex relationships. They can give you real life advice as opposed to just some generic advice. Don't let anyone deter the two of you if this is what you want to do.

My bf is AA and I'm biracial. Why does everyone think it's ok to make comments? It really pisses me off. My bf says just to ignore it, but it's hard.

July 28, 2017

There are people who still hold on to antiquated racists ideas. All you can do is be the best kind of person you are. You have little to know control over everyone else. Just focus in on you.

My bf has put on a few pounds. It's not bad but its not healthy. How do I let him know without shaming him?

July 28, 2017

Just let him know that you love him and that it has nothing to do with looks but everything to do with his health. He needs to know why you are concerned.

Me and my bf did your app LSL. We were very surprised that we both had low scores. How could that be?

July 21, 2017

Remember that Love Shopping List is not the final determiner of a relationship. Our motto is that it empowers you to make better relationship choices. Many couples I've seen in therapy actually start out with lower scores than they expected. They use the information to iron out differences rather than to divide them. That's really the best use of the information.

Me & my gf love each other very much. The problem is our religions. The religion thing is not a problem for us but it's definitely a problem for both our families. We've explained to both sides that we are going to have a civil ceremony so the religion is not an issue, but both sides are upset.

July 21, 2017

Religion can cause a lot of problems when there is an inter-faith marriage. Many clergy will not perform inter-faith marriages. You can tell your families that you mean no disrespect, but this is the path the two of you have chosen, and would appreciate their respect and support. If they still refuse to offer support, you are better off having the ceremony without them. I have witnessed many beautiful inter-faith marriages, and those have gone on to be very lengthy marriages. Hopefully, your families will realize what they are missing.

I've put on about twenty five pounds. I know it. When I ask my bf how I look he just says great. He's not being truthful with me and it bugs me. What should I say to him.

July 21, 2017

You are setting your bf up for an argument. Why would you do that? First, maybe he just loves you for you and doesn't worry about your weight. You have asked him a question that has no right answer. If he says you look like you've put on weight, you'll get angry. If he says you look fine the way you are, you'll get angry. What do you really want him to say? You need to think about that.

My bf is really good looking. We've been going together for about six months and I still freak out when other women look at him. He pays no attention to it. I've brought it up, but he just smiles and says that he's with me so that should say it all. Is he right?

July 21, 2017

Obviously, you are still insecure in your relationship. Reframe your thinking. Think about that every time another woman looks at him, it makes you proud and happy that you are with him and he's with you. So, as long as he's with you, he's right.

I checked this guy out with one of those online background checks. I really don't like what I found. I should have done it earlier but I didn't. I don't want to hurt him but I definitely want to break it off. How do I do that?

July 21, 2017

As an old song says, "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do." Depending on what you found and how you feel about him, you might want to have a discussion with him and allow him to explain himself before making a decision. You can tell him that you are uncomfortable but wanted to give him a chance. Ultimately, you are okay just saying that you are not comfortable in the relationship. He'll just have to accept that.

I am LGBTQ. People question why the "Q" is included and I don't know what to tell them when I'm dating. I don't want to label myself. What do I say.

July 21, 2017

A lot of people who are non traditional are not quite sure where they belong. The "Q" just sort of encompasses all the others. All you have to do is tell them that the Q is what you are most comfortable with. Leave it at that.

Dr. Andrew

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